AIBU people ignoring my name

[smilysmilysmily]

So this is lighthearted, but its really starting to grate on me, make me feel slightly patronised :(

I wont use my actual name but a similar one...

Birth name similar to Jane, but have only ever been called Janie.

All my official emails, signatures etc are Janie. Why do people insist on then calling me Jane in replies or on the phone etc

I always use the names people give, so if someone introduces themselves as Mike, I call them Mike. If someone introduces themselves as Michael, I call them Michael.

This, exactly. It's not for me to judge what someone should or shouldn't be calling themselves; if they've introduced themselves or signed off as X, then presumably they want to be called X so I'll call them X, not Y or Z or XYZ.

My mother's name was Toni - no short for anything, just Toni (and no middle name either).

She used to get people insisting on calling her Antonia - the memory of her headteacher doing it still annoyed her!

I've shortened my own first name and apply for everything (unless it is very official, eg the electoral register) in my shortened name. However, although my GP knows (and uses) my shortened name, my records still have my full name, so I therefore don't/can't get annoyed if I get called or then referred to by my full name. (It's exacerbated by the fact that most people initially don't want to use my scary looking surname just pronounce it as you read it )

How about saying to people, ‘I know you will know me as Jane from my email but I’m always known as Janie so do please use that.’ And making it clear from first introductions.

Some nicknames are only used by close family and friends so people are quite cautious about seeming over familiar.

I always ask people what they prefer to be called it's amazing the numbers of Lizs and Micks who prefer their full name.

If you have made your name sound babyish people might not feel comfortable using it. If it's a name and you have put an 'ee' sound on the end, I would feel daft saying it, but if your name is Katie and people call you Kate, I can see how that would be annoying.

I think some men might feel a bit skeevy using a cutesy name at work too.

These days so many people have the shortened version or nickname as their official given name, that it seems to be strange to change it.

I had an ex who insisted on using my full name. I found it annoying and pretentious. But then he was annoying and pretentious 😁 I will answer to most things but prefer the shortened version of my name as I've never thought of myself as the longer version.

If it's at all ambiguous, or I'm confused, I ask people what they prefer to be called.

If someone introduces themselves by a nickname I use it, I definitely wouldn't use the 'proper' name if they don't. For one thing they might hate it, or it might not even be their name! There's lots of Charlies and Bens and Jacks around who are registered that way and don't have the formal name.

It happens to me too, there are variations of my name and different ways to spell it. I'm Susanna and I constantly get called Susan or Suzanne, I think it's just laziness and lack of thought in most cases. So annoying though.

Thank you for all your own experiences with this - kind of nice to know it doesn't just happen to me!

I haven't introduced myself as my birth name (which has been mentioned a few times!) in well over ten years!

@IDontEatFriedTurtle - I don't believe the name I introduce myself as is a 'nickname' if that is my chosen name. When I correct them they usually mumble sorry and then continue to do it...so I think the TakeAChanseyOnMe got it right - they're probably not paying attention!

What does skeevy mean?

I have the opposite problem. People often shorten my name. I.e like from Janice to Jan (not my real name). It drives me nuts. I don’t use the short version of my name and I don’t like it. I never, ever call myself that, but people seem to think it’s fine to use it. I explain, very politely, that I use the long version.
Some are fine, some carry on using the short version because they ‘know someone else who uses it’
So what. I know someone called James, that doesn’t mean I call everyone else I meet James.

OP - if other people are used to your chosen name usually being a nickname, then they will consider it is probably a nickname, whether you feel that way about it yourself or not.
It doesn't make it right that they ignore that you use it as your name, or that they call you something different - but it is going to be a constant problem for you with a large number of people who have preconceived ideas and have trouble dropping them.

What does skeevy mean?

You know. The guy sort of panting and rubbing his thighs across from you on the tube. He's skeevy.

@IDontEatFriedTurtle - oh gawd

There was a thread by someone whose young coworker wanted to go by Daz at work and the OP felt a bit uncomfortable with introducing him like that. It was kind of funny.

I don’t think there’s anything too outlandish about Janie or Annie or Susie though.

I used to work with someone who insisted on adding another letter to the front of my name which made it a completely different name; think Hannah instead of Anna or Bella instead of Ella. I tried verbally correcting her but after several weeks she was still was doing it. I emailed explaining it was really annoying me and could she please stop. She replied with 'for god's sake' does it really matter?'.
Er yes......

My name is Alice and even though EVERYTHING says Alice, work IT system, email signature etc etc people call me ALISON all the time, it's not even the same name!

I think it is so so rude to get peoples names wrong when you have the information in front of you, especially at work. If someone has signed off Bob, call them Bob; it's obviously what they want to go by otherwise they wouldn't use it!

I feel you OP

Totally agree winegal, it's infuriating. I don't get how people can't just read the text in front of them!

I have a hyphen in my name. People at work only use the first part of my name, as my boss started doing it. It's been 7 years now. Tried correcting them but gave up. I also get called Sharon once in a while. Usually over the phone. Sharon is nowhere near my name. Sounds nothing like it.

Oh, i can answer this- i might occasionally do this when i don’t know the person well (or at all) and their name in signature implies familiarity. E.g. if you are Katherine but your signature says Kat i might refer to you as Katherine still because i don’t want to address you like you’re my buddy, it feels slightly disrespectful.
Or perhaps your full name is in your email address and ppl see that and dont look at the signature?

I thought it was the other way round ... she hated "Madge" hmm Which is why the Sun went to town on it grin.

I may have been being just a little bit naughty there with my original statement

I worked with a lady once who had to have her married name as her email, as the email server "couldn't handle the apostrophe" in her maiden name, which she professionally went by everywhere else.

Apostrophes are allowed in email addresses, but for various reasons are a really really really* bad idea. I used to use that as an interview question (the correct answer being either "yes, they are allowed" or - slightly more impressive - it's in RFC5322 ....)

What does your work email say? I work with quite a few people who go by a nickname and their footer says that, but as their email was set up by the company before they started it shows their full name, so if people look you up in the directory or it's your full name that always arrives in their inbox they'll use that. Eg I work with a Joanne, she's Jo always has been says the only time she gets called Joanne is if she's in trouble with her mum (she's fifty so this is rare). However her email address is [email protected] , so people she only knows formally through work, don't know her well or only ever email her, often call her Joanne even though her footer says Jo.