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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask all guests to take shoes off in my house?

774 replies

chardonm · 24/08/2018 00:21

Just that really. A few people seem really put off by that.

My dear sil has to be reminded several times before she takes them off.

I hate the thought of trailing the dirt inside the house.

OP posts:
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8
Doobigetta · 24/08/2018 15:35

We don’t usually keep shoes on in our own house, but I wouldn’t ask guests to take them off.
I wouldn’t wear stilettos or probably any kind of high heels to spend time at someone else’s house. Even for a party that would feel a little try-hard and weird. But if I’m visiting someone who I think might be a shoes-offer, I take my own extra socks to wear.
It isn’t a compliment if I bring my extra socks to your house. It means I think you’re a Hyacinth Bucket type, and you need to put your heating on more.

BlueBug45 · 24/08/2018 15:35

@Sennendream so you go around to a shoes of house in jeans and a t-shirt (or similar casual clothes) but you won't wear their slippers because you choose your outfits? Hmm

FluorescentAdolescent · 24/08/2018 15:38

I grew up in England, but didn't wear shoes indoors because of my parents culture. My husband's mother wore shoes indoors (and had a dirty flat) but my husband chose not to in his bachelor pad when I met him and it was rather clean.

When my husband and I bought a home together, our baby was always all over the floors, crawling, playing - and I was glad we didn't wear shoes in our home. I can also curl up on the sofa or go up and down the carpeted stairs without worrying about trailing mud. I've visited other homes in Surrey and a lot of people don't wear shoes indoors.

Most people wash their feet every day and wear clean socks every day - which is cleaner than shoes. If you have a foot infection/smelly feet, you should go to the doctor and get that sorted. People who clutch their pearls at taking their shoes off and label shoes-off homes as 'common' must have minions laying a red carpet out for them wherever they walk, so their very uncommon shoes must never have remnants of dog shit, people's spit, rotting food, bird shit and general rubbish on them.

How uncomfortable is it really, to only wear your socks in someone's home. These same people are perfectly comfortable with bringing dirt into other people's homes! Get some decent socks and get over yourself.

I have had elderly guests before - I've not said anything to them and they've kept shoes on, but they didn't move around much and I can understand it's hard for them to get shoes on and off, so I didn't mind.

If you aren't elderly and your biggest worry is that you will get out of breath taking your fucking shoes off - as a previous person mentioned - then you have a big problem.

MeyMary · 24/08/2018 15:39

@HoppingPavlova
How is a guest to know this

"Hello, Pavlova. How are you doing? We haven't seen each other in such a long time! Anyhow, please take your shows off. Would you like a pair of clean socks or freshly washed slippers? But staying barefoot is perfect fine as well, whatever you prefer. Would you like a cup of tea? Coffee?"

MeyMary · 24/08/2018 15:40

Anyhow, please take your shows shoes off

JazzAndCat · 24/08/2018 15:41

I really hate shoes on in the house but wouldn’t ask guests to remove theirs. It’s not a big deal to clean up afterwards and shoes should definitely stay on for parties. Otherwise outfits and ruined and everyone looks weird. My fil, bless him, can’t help himself but tramp through my downstairs kitchen and hallway with wet dirty shoes. I just mop when he’s gone. Almost everyone who visits volunteers to take their shoes off for the carpeted rooms, however.

CottonSock · 24/08/2018 15:41

My friend made loads of holes in my kitchen floor with her heels. My sil wiped mud all over my carpet. Yanbu.

JazzAndCat · 24/08/2018 15:42

I also hate visiting houses with dirty floors- yuck! That seems to be a weird British thing. The posher the person the dirtier the floor.

MeyMary · 24/08/2018 15:43

@EllenJanesthickerknickers

I would love to read it. Do you remember the name?

Vicky1990 · 24/08/2018 15:54

I ask all visitors to my house to remove their shoes as I do not want dirt, mud, dog shit etc ground into my carpets, who would.
All my friends who have clean houses ask the same, the ones with not so clean houses do not!.
It can be helpful to have a small notice outside your front door saying, would you kindly remove your shoes in this house.
I noticed this once when visiting a House owned by a family from Japan, it is the custom there, and I have noticed more the norm here.

Bluelady · 24/08/2018 16:03

Thanks for telling us all we're dirty, Vicky.

LaurieMarlow · 24/08/2018 16:06

It can be helpful to have a small notice outside your front door saying, would you kindly remove your shoes in this house.

To do this in the UK would be the most archetypally lower middle class thing I can imagine.

There's nothing wrong with that of course, but I am tickled by it.

Sennendream · 24/08/2018 16:08

I just don't want to wear guest slippers.

I don't mind taking off my shoes and will come prepared to, but I'm not going to be forced to wear slippers. They are just a step too far, yes I get the desire to keep the floors clean and not mark carpets, but why the need to insist slippers?

And yes, I do choose my outfit including my footwear even if that is my trainers or flip flops.

JazzAndCat · 24/08/2018 16:10

I thinks little signs asking people to remove shoes could be interpreted as a little passive aggressive- unless it’s a B&B. Probably not socially acceptable across the board. I would guess that at least 40 per cent of your guests wouldn’t like it.

AdultHumanFemale · 24/08/2018 16:28

This is the first time I have been referred to as a member of a 'brigade' Grin
I have very few visitors with whom I do not feel totally relaxed and at ease, and for whom exposing bare feet or holey socks would be anything but a complete non-issue, but will, as a result of this thread, be ahead of the game next time a newer acquaintance comes over, and get my "No, keep them on if you want to" in before they get a chance to feel uncomfortable.
So nice to be on the outside of the class system referred to on this thread; so restrictive. Another quaint local custom of the English we learnt about at school.

Blahblahblah111 · 24/08/2018 16:30

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

MeyMary · 24/08/2018 16:36

So nice to be on the outside of the class system referred to on this thread; so restrictive. Another quaint local custom of the English we learnt about at school

The English do seem to be particularly class conscious (that's at least how it seems to me). Or maybe anxious?

But I've never been to a country that didn't seem to have social (class) distinctions. It seems to be rather common...

BettyBooJustDoinTheDoo · 24/08/2018 16:49

Sennendream The example of the Royal family is not void, that is Apartment 1a, Kate and Williams home at Kensington Palace.

starcrossedseahorse · 24/08/2018 16:55

I would never, ever ask guests to take their shoes off! Even if we had carpet (which we don't as it's all wood and tiles) I wouldn't do this.

But then we have dogs who sleep on the sofas (and on the bed at night!) and live very rurally so mud features heavily in our lives. I am guessing that my house may send some MNetters in to a dead faint but we love it and it's cosy and full of love so that's all that matters to us.

Stupomax · 24/08/2018 17:07

Most people wash their feet every day and wear clean socks every day - which is cleaner than shoes

People wear socks with sandals?

I thought that was only a myth Grin

AnxiousPeg · 24/08/2018 17:14

Did someone on this thread really suggest that shoes-off people have no breeding? Breeding ?!! GrinGrin

I am generally not bothered about a bit of general muck on my wooden floors BUT, as I mentioned before, I am obsessed with the fearful possibility of dog poo. Adults DO tread in dog poo. And pavements must have loads of residual dog poo on it - people only scrape it up, they don't wash the pavement Hmm

I don't see how people can be so carefree about this. Wish I could be.

3girlmama · 24/08/2018 17:18

We are a shoe free zone in our house too x

whatwouldkeithRichardsdo2 · 24/08/2018 17:19

Crack on OP. YANBU. But this is a case of how you ask the visitor too.

Sennendream · 24/08/2018 17:25

It's bloody well is void.

You've posted a photograph of the Duke and Duchess of Cambridge, along with the Obamas.

You say that the picture is taken in Kate's apartment, I have no idea whether that is actually correct, even if that is true, given that they are, you know, the Royal family, they may have extra rooms specifically for guests like you know, the president.

It doesn't give anything away as to whether when Kate is at home on her own time (not undertaking Royal duties), she prefers to kick off her shoes and put her feet up. She probably owns leggings and pyjamas too, but she won't wear them to meet the Obamas, or be photographed in them.

Besides all of that, Kate and Wills don't have to walk the filthy streets like the rest of us plebs

The Royal family aren't comparable with the rest of society.

Stupomax · 24/08/2018 17:29

I don't see how people can be so carefree about this. Wish I could be.

This sounds absolutely exhausting.

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