To think this is too soon to move in and get engaged

[Theredcape678]

I know a couple in their early 40s. They met in April on a dating website, he moved into her place after a month and 3 months later they’re now engaged. She’s got a 15 year old daughter who lives with her. I think this is irresponsible towards the daughter personally, and whilst it’s up to them when they get engaged or married, how can you possibly know someone well enough after 4 months?

Well fast-forwarding is a classic sign of either love addiction or toxicity. There will be people it works for, out of sheer chance. There will be many, many more people who find themselves married to a sociopath or narcissist, because they were so desperate for love.

It takes time for people to unfold. The first 30 days, everyone is on their best behaviour. It takes a good 90 days to start to see the 'real' person underneath their 'best representative'.

If it's truly 'the Real Thing' and he is 'The One', well then where's the rush? You've got the whole of the rest of your lives together after all. When a whole lifetime of domesticity awaits you, why rush past the first exciting dating times, the honeymoon period of those first 90 days etc?

Before moving in together it makes sense to have seen your partner in a variety of situations, under pressure, unwell, when you are unwell etc. You need to be sure what you are getting into - everything else is a gamble.

That's without even adding a 15 year old into the mix. At the very least she should be checking with the local Police under Claire's Law to see if he has a history of domestic violence, and also for a history of sexual offences.

I had just turned 21 when I met my dh, he was 29. We met in April 2014, became an official couple on the 9th of May 2014, started trying for a baby in July 2014, moved in together in October 2014. We conceived in November 2014, found out in December 2014. We got engaged on the 13th of January 2015, set the date middle of February 2015 and got married on the 9th of April 2015. Baby was due August 30th, born on September 5th.
So OP and anyone who said it was quick, how about us being married within a year of meeting and having a baby on the way? How quick is that?
But we wouldn't change it at all.

If there are no children involved then do what you like although I still think that's quick.

If there are children involved then I think it's wrong to be honest. It's not just about you then. And I think this "if you know you know" stuff is a load of rubbish anyway.

Yes it may be a bit quick but if they are happy and excited...then its no one else's business
No ones's business? Except maybe the teenage girl who has some random dude she doesn't know moving into her house whether she likes it or not?

I mean, it could go either way, right? My grandparents got married within 3 months of meeting, and were very happy for 35 years until my grandfather died. On the other hand, my sister moved in very fast with a guy who turned out to be a violent serial cheater. She definitely said she "just knew" it was right. Obviously, she was mistaken. I do think the responsible thing when you have a kid is to take it slowly.

So OP and anyone who said it was quick, how about us being married within a year of meeting and having a baby on the way? How quick is that?

yeah thats also far too quick. Pure luck that it worked out, 99 times of a hundred it wouldn't.
I can't understand the mentality of trying to create an actual new human with someone you've known for 5 minutes. It's so completely irresponsible.

My mum got engaged after 3 months when I was 14 and moved me 200 miles away, in with her fiancee and his 2 stepson who all turned out to be physically abusive and the father and one of the sons was sexually abusive to me. If she had spent some time getting to know him and trusted me when I asked her to wait maybe she would have realised what a horrible situation she was putting me through. That said, I would never have met dh and had my 2 gorgeous kids if I hadn't moved from my tiny hometown.

Coconutcream
That’s awful

Still wondering what's it got to do with you though ?

I met my husband. Theee months later we moved in together. A year later we got married. We have been together for 17 years. And very happy.

A few people did comment. And say it was to soon and we would regret it. Each of those people are now divorced. So......

Still wondering what's it got to do with you though

its nice that someone gives a shit about the daugher, even if her mother doesn't.

Still wondering what's it got to do with you though

So no-one can have an opinion about or discuss a situation they’re directly involved in

I think regarding all those commenting with variations of “we met, got married and had a baby within 5 minutes” - it’s pure luck that it worked out, I’m not buying this nonsense of “we just knew” because many more people will have said the same then it didn’t work out.

They’re not directly involved in that should have read

Much too soon for a kid to have a new person moved in; it's also dangerous when you don't know somebody. If 100 cases are fine and only one is violent or a sexual predator - that's your kid FFS! Agree with checking up using Clare's law. Does the daughter have an involved father or other family who she can easily talk with / stay with whenever she wants?

Jeeeeez! 85% of the posters totally miss the point. Let me spell it out for you loud and clear:
SOME MEN ONLY DATE WOMEN IN ORDER TO GROOME THEIR CHILDREN! SHE HAS PUT HER CHILD AT SERIOUS RISK!!!!

Oh but Mumminmum when you know, you know (sarcasm) 🙄

Being as she has a teenage daughter I think it is unwise for things to move so quickly but, honestly, there's nothing you can do about it and things have a way of working themselves out so hope for the best.