To work part time if I'm expected to cover all childcare?

[Sennendream]

I hope that this makes sense.

Dh works full time, I work part time 2.5 days per week.

As far as I'm aware dh is more than happy with this, our youngest hasn't started school yet so it works all round.

I do all school/nursery runs, I cover all sickness, parents evenings, sports day, I sort all school holidays for the eldest.

Dhs hours don't permit any school or nursery drop off and pick ups and he gets minimal annual leave to cover school holidays, his employer also wouldn't permit days off at short notice for the inevitable illness.

Some of dhs family have insinuated that I have the life of riley and that I should do more hours at work or that I'm very lucky. (I'm looking at you fil). Dhs mother did not work until her children left school and some of the others with opinions don't even have children.

Although I could do more hours when the youngest starts school, it would mean arranging childcare for before/after school, school holidays and I'd still be covering sick days.

They chose their own activities from Avery young age, as happens. It is just “living” but if you wait until your 11 year decides they want to learn violin, there’s an awful lot of catching up to do. Attitudes and advantage are set from a young age.
The specific examples aren’t essential but a love of learning, confidence in your own abilities, achievement, self discipline and commitment are all very valuable life lessons. As a teenager, you can be happy and achieving or you can doss around and be happy. I know which I prefer.
No you might not need to put them on your cv but certainly playing the bassoon, playing high level rugby and being in professional musical productions helped my son’s career. Dancing at a high level resulted in a very advantageous scholarship for sixth form.

Why do people pay a small fortune for private nurseries and prep schools? They offer wide experience, encourage high achievement and confer advantage later in the child’s life.

Ignore the CV comments... You could work out how much you're not having to spend by doing all the childcare. Then you'd have a response to such ridiculous comments.

YANBU. Whatever works for your family and it’s no one else’s business. We both tried working FT with 2 small children (both in very demanding jobs). It was an absolute nightmare. We didn’t have money to chuck at the problem and get good childcare, and no family support. we were forever having massive rows. When the DC were ill we found it impossible- DH expected me to deal with it, I hated letting Work down as well. It was awful and we very nearly divorced. I know plenty of couples who both work FT but we couldn’t make it work. I now work PT and everyone (including me!) is much much happier.

"employer also wouldn't permit days off at short notice for the inevitable illness."

YANBU but agree with PP that his employer don't have any choice on that front... www.workingfamilies.org.uk/articles/time-off-for-dependants-leave/ a lot of employers lose money if staff have unexpected time off... it's part of employing people. He needs to prioritise concerns for his family over his work places concerns.

It is a real shame when someones contribution around the house, looking after children, school run, cooking etc is not valued. Totally unfair. Completely agree with Aspergallus. Its very sad that we haven't progressed as a society to a point where household chores and childcare are equally shared.

You do what is right for you and your family. DH and I both work FT and run our own businesses. We have hired help. My MIL thinks I'm terrible. My SIL is visiting and was criticizing me last night because I wasn't home from work until 8pm.

People are always going to comment. They have selective memory and want to protect their precious child who is now a grown up. Smile, nod politely and speak to your DH in private.

@Sennendream
YANBU
Unless you’re building tots CV’s (trying to live your unfulfilled dreams through DC’s)
In which case yabu😉

I think we just can't win as women. I work 'part time' (three days a week) in a very senior job. I have school age children. The nature of my job means a lot of out of hours work, evenings, early mornings some weekend work. It is not usual for me to 35 hours in a three days. During this time I don't see the children much and my DH is responsible for children and drops and pick up to breakfast clubs / after school etc. I obviously do this on my days off. I am not stealth boasting but I earn very well for my three days - often earning more than my DH.
I also have long term medical condition which means taking on all more hours is very difficult as I often have lots of medical appointments for me on those days (school holidays are hard as I have to cut my treatment). My DH is happy with this arrangement - having been full time, part time and a SAHP with school age children. And STILL people say that I should do more, or take on more hours when I would barely see the children, my career is flying, my health would suffer and we don't need the money

@Ghanagirl Why the need for unpleasant and silly comments? You may choose a different way of child rearing but that does not make my way wrong. My children are just fine as young adults and I don’t live vicariously or have unfulfilled dreams. Most of my ambitions were realised....as my children’s have been.
This wasn’t about toddler activities though it was about working part- time which really is the best of both worlds.

Can only agree with Aspergallus that having it all just means doing it all. Although I admire women who are mothers and have high-flying careers, I must definitely do not envy them as they're most likely still doing all the 'wifework' on top of that.

OP - it seems a very sensible arrangement to me and if you and DP are happy with it then just carry on. If it annoys you you could ask him to stick up for you next time the ILs criticise.

@CherryPavlova - if your children started violin at 4 and hadn't got to Grade 8 quite a bit before 15-16 then they really weren't any good at it and would no doubt have been better off "investing" their CV building time in something else......

remind fil that his wife didn't work, it's fuck all to do with him if you work or not.
The balance of caring for your children is one sided, and your dh employers are breaking the law if he isn't allowed leave when dc are ill, until suitable care can be found.
You may want to look at this because as you only work pt your employer might expect your dh to take his share too.

Personally, I couldn't be with a man who wouldn't take time out for his kids, seems like he has a cushy life that doesn't involve his family

@CherryPavlova as others including OP have pointed out you made the comment about CV’s whilst in Nursery.
I also work part time and you have no idea how I parent as didn’t feel it was necessary to mention my children as the thread wasn’t about me...

'CV building from nursery'

As a parent to bilingual children, I can tell you that foreign language fluency takes a lot more than Saturday French club.

As for the rest - I'm all for extra-curriculars, my dc are pretty musically active themselves - but it all sounds so very utilitarian and joyless. What a dreadful thought, to do music only for 'advantage'. Not because, you know, you love music.

YANBU
I’m a SAHM as my DH has a very demanding, long hours job and we can afford for me not to work, so it makes sense for us. I’ve looked at working part time when my youngest starts school, but tbh as of yet I haven’t really found anything decent (she starts in a week). Despite this set up working for us and me feeling like I’ve already sacrificed my career so my DH can continue in his career, my SIL asks me when I’m going to go back to work and get a job every time I see her. I returned to work to start with after having my eldest and it was hell as my DH wasn’t prepared to adapt his working life at all, meaning that I had myself run ragged, trying to maintain my career and look after our child, do all the housework etc, given this I don’t think our current set up is at all unreasonable. Her tone is horrible and sneery and makes it clear she looks down her nose at me for not working. She doesn’t have kids and still lives with her parents who do everything for her, she has a career and doesn’t even contribute to the household financially (she’s 28) so she has no bloody idea what it’s like. I just ignore her and think, wait until you get married and have kids and then maybe you’ll realise how rude you’ve been! It’s weird because apart from this one thing we get on well