To work part time if I'm expected to cover all childcare?

[Sennendream]

I hope that this makes sense.

Dh works full time, I work part time 2.5 days per week.

As far as I'm aware dh is more than happy with this, our youngest hasn't started school yet so it works all round.

I do all school/nursery runs, I cover all sickness, parents evenings, sports day, I sort all school holidays for the eldest.

Dhs hours don't permit any school or nursery drop off and pick ups and he gets minimal annual leave to cover school holidays, his employer also wouldn't permit days off at short notice for the inevitable illness.

Some of dhs family have insinuated that I have the life of riley and that I should do more hours at work or that I'm very lucky. (I'm looking at you fil). Dhs mother did not work until her children left school and some of the others with opinions don't even have children.

Although I could do more hours when the youngest starts school, it would mean arranging childcare for before/after school, school holidays and I'd still be covering sick days.

This is my point though kinder I am expected to let my employer down when the dc are sick. If I'm expected to do this then I think it's fair I work part time so that I have some flexibility to deal with this (swapping days/arranging GP appointments on my days off/sickness falling on my days off/making up hours).

Dh understands this and is happy for me to work part time so that he doesn't have to worry about that stuff and can focus on work, it's other people who keep having something to say.

Ugh - my MIL is the same. I'm going back 3 days per week after 9 months but somehow that is lazy! She had a 17 year break where she didn't work, but somehow that's different! Your business and your life. Just ignore them!

Dividee - oh my children’s memories are of building dams in Lake District streams and making slime cakes, jumping on puffballs and taking them home to cook, play doh warm out of the microwave too.
Oddly constructive activity isn’t necessarily drilling - completely the opposite.
It’s engaging the natural curiosity of children, why is baking in French less playful than in English? Why is playing a violin less playful than banging a plastic drum? Why is practising classical music through choice less playful than blaring pop music? Why is ballet less playful than performing ‘cute’ precocious imitations of Beyoncé in front of the mirror?
Why is an hour choosing books from the book box whilst cuddling on sofa in front of a fire less affirming or fun than sitting on an iPad playing Fireman Sam?
Why would you not want to advantage your children? It’s much harder for the parents at an early stage, of course but it pays dividends in all sorts of ways as children grow.

cherrypavlova we just call that life here and play. Not CV building.

He should look for an employer who is more flexible. Don't reward employers who don't recognise that sometimes shit happens with loyalty.

YABU, you sound like you live the life of Riley off your DH's hard work.

Of course not! Tell them to mind their own fucking business.

I had a friend whose mother built CVs from nursery. She got pregnant and had a drug habit at 16.

Why is fil commenting on your working hours?

It’s none of his business, maybe he should ask his own wife why she chose to refrain from working until her children were at school, and don’t say it’s what they did in those days.

Your working hours are fitted around the fact your Dh is unable to help with the before and after school drop offs and taking leave when the children are ill, it works for both of you and it would be helpful for your Dh to tell his dad that, unless they are offering to childmind which I suspect they won’t.

You will always have someone who thinks you have it better/thinks you should be doing more/thinks you should be doing less/thinks you should be doing everything/thinks you're letting womankind down etc etc etc. We can't win either way, whatever we do.

The only families I know that make it work with 2 FT working parents are those with a nanny or grandparents close by. I’m a SAHM and I struggle to get to all the school functions because of clashes in my 3 kids schedules (nursery, infant and junior schools not at same location doesn’t help) or illness / appointments which doesn’t enable me to be in 2 places at once. I have no idea how I could fit in work with that too. If you are out at work all day there is slightly less housework as no one is in all day that’s about the only thing I can think is easier ! I like my DC to be able to have friends over, do clubs after school, plus the homework load is quite lengthy if you have a few children. There needs to be space in the day for that sort of thing.

"making sure the children started building CVs from nursery (swimming, ballet, music and language clubs"

Probably not what you meant but I'm smiling at the idea of receiving CVs with "active participant in nursery swimming club" on them.

You don't owe an explanation for how your family lives its life to anyone. Fuck your FIL's little snide comments. No one knows what works best for you and your family than you and your husband. Ignore them op.

Our local ballet teachers classes do actually count towards ucas points apparently !

I'm in the situation you are in OP and I am a SAHM although I would like to go back to work part time. Give yourself a break, you're responsible for all childcare 24 hours a day. Why does life have to be one endless slog?

The building CV thing is funny, as though the only choice for children is either music lessons and language club or TV. Most children spend their time playing, exploring and doing a bit of crafting or baking with their Mum. I suppose these days they are divided into sub headings of 'free play' and 'parent led activities' and 30 minutes per day are allocated to each

@Sennendream a few years ago I could have written this post. I took voluntary redundancy a few years ago when DC2 was tiny. It was great for us a family and, as DH had just started a job with long hours and a long commute, it meant I could cover all the childcare. However, DH’s family (and interestingly my FIL especially) made snide remarks about my lazing at home etc etc.

Took me a while to formulate the response that;

DH couldn’t do his job without me at home providing 24/7 childcare for OUR children.
If I were to work full time it would require DH to assist with childcare which would mean a job closer to home and thus a big drop in salary. We’d be no better off.
Alternatively the DCs could go to a childminder. They don’t want to so not in their best interests.
Perhaps I could retrain? Ok, I’ll get DH to speak to his boss and negotiate time off to cover childcare whilst I study.

OP if it works for you then it’s got sod all to do with anyone else. But you need DH on side to shut down the snarky remarks.

Tell him to fuck off and mind his own business...

If you and your DH are happy with the arrangement they should keep their comments to themselves.

Still laughing at CV building!

@CherryPavlova but what if your children get old enough and decide they actually don't want to do music/dance lessons any more?

Those things aren't necessities in life to me and I wouldn't ever send my DS to those kind of clubs unless he told me he wanted to when he's old enough. Swimming is a vital life skill but I can't say I've ever had the need to put it on my CV.

There is a middle ground between letting your children watch TV all day and "building CVs from nursery."

making sure the children started building CVs from nursery (swimming, ballet, music and language clubs etc).
Ignore them and know mahow ny friends will envy

Is that what they’re calling hobbies these days?

The "cv building" was Sarcasm from the op....right?!

Nope.

Erm hang on a minute.

It was me who said I build CVs for the kids, I haven't mentioned CVs that was another poster.

It was cherrypavlova who said about building CVs not me the op.

Think my thread has got derailed by it,

I work full time as a single parent. It is possible.
Would I do it if I didn't have to ? Hell no! I am constantly exhausted and my children do miss out on hobbies and clubs etc.

Just because you can do something doesn't mean you have to. Ignore them OP