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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To charge family for professional services?

54 replies

HighlandWorrier · 23/08/2018 08:14

Just wondered what the norm was if say your sister was a hairdresser, would you expect mates rates / freebies for a haircut?

My sister is a beautician and always charges me for nails etc, maybe slightly reduced rate and won't do them at home always makes me travel to the salon she works in.

I get a bit miffed with this especially as in the past DH has done professional family photos for them for nothing and I recently looked after her DC for 2 days and nights whilst she had a hospital stay.

Just sucks that we are quite giving yet she can't even do my nails / waxing for free.

AIBU?

OP posts:
tissuesosoft · 23/08/2018 08:16

I think if she’s doing it in a salon where she works (whether employed directly or rents a space) then not charging you could raise a lot of questions, ultimately leading to her having issues at work

twosunbathingdogs · 23/08/2018 08:17

Why don’t you charge her a slightly reduced fee for things like the photos?

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 23/08/2018 08:17

Is it that your DH did photos once and you want regular waxes/nail appointments? A one-off is slightly different to regular treatments.

YeTalkShiteHen · 23/08/2018 08:18

My STBSIL used to charge me full price for nails/lashes, which I never minded paying tbh.

Until DP virtually rewired their entire house, and fixed their boiler 3 times for free (once called at 3am!!!) without so much as a cup of coffee as a thank you!

I go elsewhere now!

Belindabauer · 23/08/2018 08:19

Best thing to do if they ask for photos is say ' that will be x amount, is that ok?'
I do understand where you are coming from though.

shaggedthruahedgebackwards · 23/08/2018 08:20

I wouldn't expect free treatments if I had a friend/sibling who was a beautician, a 10% discount would be nice but certainly wouldn't expect them free

FASH84 · 23/08/2018 08:22

It's regular, a reduced price is fair and she probably does it at her salon so it's in work time, she doesn't want to come home in the evening or at weekends and keep working. Your DH did a one off for her and had no materials lost by doing it, if she wants regular photo shoots then charge her a reduced amount. Babysitting doesn't come into it unless you are a professional child minder and her children are taking up spaces you could charge for.

Original poster
HighlandWorrier · 23/08/2018 08:22

See that's what I'm talking about Hen happy to do all the taking but not the giving or indeed any thanks. She lives close by so asked if I could pop by with my own nail varnish if she would paint my nails, suggested lots of different times I could come at her convenience, was told no but I could come to the salon another time which is 20 mins drive away. It's only a 5 minute job. I too go elsewhere now.

OP posts:
Original poster
HighlandWorrier · 23/08/2018 08:23

Oh and she is now offering treatments from home Hmm

OP posts:
OnlyFoolsnMothers · 23/08/2018 08:26

A sister? Hell yes I’d expect it for free, cousin, aunt etc fair enough to charge but not a sister!

NonaGrey · 23/08/2018 08:27

But your DH chose to give his services for free - presumably as a gift. Next time he should charge if it’s a problem.

That really doesn’t entitle you to free beautician services for life.

Personally I would always pay friends and family for their work. It’s their living after all.

And looking after your nephews or nieces while their Mother is in hospital is just what family does for each other. I’m a little shocked that you consider it transactional.

PipeTheFuckDown · 23/08/2018 08:28

One of my siblings is a hairdresser. I go into the salon and I get 10% off for being a family member. I spend lot of money in there (extensions and being blonde!), my 3DC have their hair done there too, and it helps my sister wih her boss because she bought in a client that spends a lot of money.

Our other siblings regularly demand she does expensive and time consuming hair stuff AFTER work and very often don’t even pay for the hair dye etc let alone her time - they are cheeky fuckers and never pay her, and she’s too soft to say anything.

She has skills that I don’t have, that she trained hard for, she works 5 full days and one half day a week.

DBIL is a photographer and printer. He does the actual photography for free for family, and charges mate rates for prints etc. He also runs a small bar and we get mates rates there if we hire it out for the night (so £200 rather than £300) but drinks prices remain the same.

I think it’s cheeky as fuck to expect total freebies from skilled professionals.

trojanpony · 23/08/2018 08:30

Nails require some equipment but actual check st is very low.
I get mine done in London for £25 I’d expect a sibling to do it for £10 or £15 if I was at a similar income level.
As it is I am a higher earner vs most beauticians so would pay full price because I can afford to as it’s nice if it’s family.
But I think it would be like/expect to do it at yours or theirs rather than travelling to the salon.
If she’s insisting on the salon and it is more than 5 mins down the road I’d tell her to jog on and do my nails elsewhere

trojanpony · 23/08/2018 08:33

The typos!? Shock I clearly need coffee

Just saw the update - that’s a bit off, I’d look elsewhere l.
what is your relationship with her like in general?

Birdinthetree · 23/08/2018 08:34

I don’t expect mates rates, offered and often refuse. I feel embarrassed taking advantage of people.

thelittlestwo · 23/08/2018 08:35

I think the looking after the DC is a separate issue- nobody choses to spend 2 days in hospital for fun..

ivykaty44 · 23/08/2018 08:37

Go somewhere else to get your nails done - simple

If you looked after my dc for two days you’d get a big gift or a voucher for free nails

genz · 23/08/2018 08:41

by paying full price you are supporting her business! she is providing a service and deserved compensation for her time and effort, REGARDLESS of who her client is. any discounts or freebies she gives are a luxury- not an expectation

Juells · 23/08/2018 08:42

It will save a lot of hassle if you go elsewhere. You're paying full whack anyway.

ResistanceIsNecessary · 23/08/2018 08:43

I think the issue here is the lack of reciprocity.

OP's family has done lots of stuff for free for SIL. Yet SIL is charging full price for her services.

In your shoes I would be a bit miffed as well, although in fairness if you are having your nails done regularly then this doesn't really stack up against family photos - as they don't happen every month, do they?

The answer to this is to charge her in the same way that she charges you. Then everyone's being treated fairly.

Original poster
HighlandWorrier · 23/08/2018 08:47

Yes the lack of reciprocity is what gets me. She also charges our mum for anything done so she's not very generous by nature. If I did that line of work I imagine I'd make no profit as I'd be doing it for free definitely for close family members.

Thought our relationship was fine as she asked me to be one of her two bridesmaids, but that is a whole other story as things have gone a bit pear-shaped there...!

OP posts:
nachonachowoman · 23/08/2018 08:55

I'd just stop doing her photography etc for free. If you asked her to look after your dc would she do it?

musicposy · 23/08/2018 08:56

A bit different but I teach piano and I charge everyone. My sister pays, my goddaughter paid, my best friend paid for her daughter. I buy the odd music books etc as gifts for these people, but I cannot afford to give lessons for free. My time is money, and time taken giving all my friends and family lessons quickly adds up to an awful lot of time I can't fill with paying pupils.

The trouble with nails/ beauty/ hair is like lessons it isn't a one off. And all that time and materials does add up. You have to draw a line somewhere or no one would ever pay. For me that line was my own daughters only. Some people might not include a sister in that line, but she's not unreasonable to choose to do so in my opinion.

musicposy · 23/08/2018 09:00

If I did that line of work I imagine I'd make no profit as I'd be doing it for free definitely for close family members.

And therein lies her problem. If you have a business it has to pay the bills, or the business folds.

If I were you I'd stop giving your or your DH's services for free, then you'll feel it's more equal.

NoSleepTil2030 · 23/08/2018 09:06

I'd expect to pay mate's rates.

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