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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

in thinking my DP has complete double standards and he has no balls??

30 replies

kittylette · 05/06/2007 09:41

As you can see Im very

He has complete double standards when it comes to my mum and his.

He is a mummys boy and wont say 'boo' to her

My mum borrowed £20 and said she would give it back thursday - he was ranting over this.

But his mum borrowed £300(!!) of our wedding money about 5 months ago and hasn't given it back!!

I TXTd her and asked for it backa nd she said shes into her overdraft and owes her own mum money so cant give it us!!

She also promised us £500 which we arent getting it seems.

So the wedding has been cancelled till next year.

I TXTd her to tell her the weddding is cancelled (and mentioned it was because we haven't got all the money we had hoped to) and she repilies ..

'really? ok - can i come pick the boys up tomorrow'

no sorry i cnat give you your money back ect...

and of course DP doesnt say a word, if it were my mum e would be fuming and calling her allsorts!

like its acceptable!!

I dont care anyway, were gonna do it ourselves without her help.

but i still want my fecking £300 back!

What kind of mum borrows £300 from her soses to give it back?

rant over!! lol

OP posts:
kittylette · 05/06/2007 09:43

sorry last line was supposed to be ..

what kind of mum borrows £300 from her sons wedding fund and doesnt give it back?

oh and just to compare, DP earns about £160 a week

shes doing a months teaching supply work at the moment and is on £120 a day !!

OP posts:
Lolly68 · 05/06/2007 09:45

Boys and their mothers... I have the exact same with my DP so no you are not being unreasonable!!

Carmenere · 05/06/2007 09:46

KItty postponing the wedding is a very sensible thing to do. If you are worried about a £500 contribution from your mil you simply haven't got enough money yet to have the type of wedding you want. Reorganise it for next year, save like bastards and you tell her that you need the money by a specific date to cover a specific thing. That way she will know that if she doesn't stump up you won't have any flowers or a cake or something exact. ie make her responsible for paying one particular thing.
And yes your dp is being a wuss

kittylette · 05/06/2007 09:47

Im trying to stay positive and am thinking it would probably have been raining in november and this way ill have a lovely summer wedding!

OP posts:
kittylette · 05/06/2007 09:49

she owed us £800 in total

we probably could do it on a shoe string in november, but the stress is just too much!

id rather take my time and wait till june.

am really pissed off with DP today though!

OP posts:
mumblechum · 05/06/2007 09:52

I think you've made the right decision in postponing till the summer - after all, it's only another 6 or 7 months.

Have you already told everyone the Nov date?

It's odd, imo, parents borrowing from their children, never heard of that one before!

Anyway, lesson learned, I guess that won't be happening again.

Hope you have a lovely happy wedding day whenever it happens.

kittylette · 05/06/2007 09:56

I agree, Nov 17th will be an odd, sad day though this year.

OP posts:
Katy44 · 05/06/2007 10:00

sorry to hear this. You do have more time to plan now though - sure that's not much comfort

oranges · 05/06/2007 10:02

I do think you need to sort out boundaries before this woman becomes your mother in law.

kittylette · 05/06/2007 10:11

In a way Im happy because it will be a summer wedding, i can have short dresses, lol

my sis will have time to loose her babyweight

i can save and have more of what i want IYKWIM

seriosly considering banning MIL lol

TBH she is lovely and i do lover her ALOT, but this money thing has really gotten to me!

OP posts:
theUrbanDryad · 05/06/2007 10:22

kitty, i can totally understand why being short £800 would get to you. icould you agree an installment plan to pay it back? £50 a week or something? i know it's not ideal but at least you might get some of your money back...

themildmanneredjanitor · 05/06/2007 10:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kittylette · 05/06/2007 10:28

no, if she promised to give us £500 towards the wedding and said so each time the wedding was mentioned, and she helped us do our budget and she included the £500 from her and let us think for a good 6 months she would give us £800 in 'a few weeks' then id classs that as owing it us.

Im not arsed, she can keep her money, i dont want it.

OP posts:
kittylette · 05/06/2007 10:30

I want to book it today but I cant as i need MIL to phone the preist and find an available date there first IYKWIM,

there needs to be a date available to both!

OP posts:
kittylette · 05/06/2007 12:54

MIL is coming round after work to talk > lol

OP posts:
mumblechum · 05/06/2007 13:36

Don't be scared, Kitty! Print out this thread and serve it to her with her coffee....

themildmanneredjanitor · 05/06/2007 14:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kittylette · 05/06/2007 14:36

I dont have his number and she has been friends with him for years (she goes to church every sunday) so shes more likely to find a nice date

OP posts:
Judy1234 · 05/06/2007 14:39

Never lend money ever to people you know in future.
How awful.

kittylette · 05/06/2007 14:41

Dont worry Xenia i wont be! ever!

OP posts:
BrothelSprouts · 05/06/2007 14:41

Aren't you and DP tempted to just take the children and elope?

kittylette · 05/06/2007 14:43

No

this forum has an eloping obsession! lol

Its just not something I want to do, I want my family to be there.

OP posts:
helenhismadwife · 05/06/2007 17:00

thats really awful especially as she is earning that much money at the moment, can you not say something to her how about 'oy b*tch give me my money !!' or maybe something more subtle about your mum giving you back the money she borrowed from you saying how much you needed it hinting to her maybe she will feel guilty and cough up

kittylette · 05/06/2007 17:03

Hi Helen

To be totally honest I really don't give a shit! lol ( I do like the line you suggested though - id love to see her face, pmsl)

Were getting married in 08 and as long as she gives it us back before them I just cannot muster up the energy to care!!

Ive had it with her,

OP posts:
lulumama · 05/06/2007 17:11

have you ever stopped to wonder why she needed to borrow the money and why she cannot pay it back, obviously she is struggling..and this pressure might be really embarassing for her

she might have a financial crisis you don;t know about..

have you ever asked her?

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