Please talk me down - health anxiety

[VanillaBeans]

Sorry to post here for the traffic but I’m feeling really desperate...

I’ve very recently become a lone parent and I’m suffering some quite bad anxiety right just now. I don’t usually suffer with health anxiety but I read an article about MND and my nasty anxious brain is convincing me that I will get it - combining my fear of not being able to swallow/degeneration with not being around for my small children.

I have to keep thinking that this will pass but if anyone else is worried or anxious does anyone fancy a chat? I’m feeling terribly panicky and it’s the worst feeling in the world :(

I’ve been there - anxious and convinced I’ve got something terrible when really, it’s a symptom of your underlying anxiety. What will help the anxiety, I wonder?

I had this exact irrational fear for the best part of a year. It’s probably not what you want to hear but only time will help. Do NOT google. Do NOT check yourself for symptoms. Do NOT go to the als/mnd forums.

DO go and see your dr asap and talk about your concerns. DO remind yourself that MND is incredibly rare!!

Honestly, this fear all consumed me and ruined my life for so many months. I’m well past it now and don’t even entertain the thought anymore. But at the time it was all I could think about.

Feel free to message me

Also been there. I remember the feelings of panic but eventually I came out the other side. I didn’t find any instant solutions but it got better overtime with plenty of self care - exercise, regular baths, reduced caffeine, gardening, distractions such as playing a game on my phone to change my thoughts. I had to constantly remind myself that it was my anxiety and not real (although it’s hard to believe yourself when anxiety is high). After 6months things massively improved. Two years later I have occasional periods of anxiety but these feel more normal and manageable now.

Hi Op, it’s so awful when you are consumed by this, as pp MND is a very rare disease, it’s highly unlikely that you have it, but even though the rational part of your thinking knows this, it’s really difficult not keep convincing yourself otherwise, I would imagine this is a manifestation of the changes that have occurred in your life, I would urge you to make a GP appointment & tell them your fears, maybe ask for a referral for some counselling or a short course of anti depressants.

PS I know this easier said than done & sometimes resources are hard to access, but please give it some thought💐

Thank you so much for the kind replies

I have always had to accept from my late teens that I suffer anxiety. It is usually controlled with a healthy lifestyle and rationalised - as in I know that the fear I’m feeling is caused by the anxiety itself, if that makes sense. As in for example, I’m not mortally afraid of spiders, I just have anxiety that sometimes makes me feel this afraid and I’m latching into a cause when the real one is lurking below the surface.

But yes right now this has sent my head spinning. I need to work on being healthier but I see so much difficulty ahead with a big change of circumstances that I worry I will not have time for myself.

I’m used to this feeling in a way though so I am just trying to tell myself that it would be preferable to die than to live life being so horribly afraid, and strangely that is serving as a comfort (!)

You’re right, I need to address the factors feeding into this and try and be practical. My children’s father is a good dad, I’m only 24 and I can do things to get myself in better shape and feeling more positive.

I’m usually a really happy person, I hate feeling like this especially now I have the little ones to look after, it’s emotionally draining to feel like this :(

You are right, it is very draining & if you can try & factor in sometime for yourself to do things that make you happy, which again is easier said than done when you are a single parent, it must feel very overwhelming especially if your changed circumstances are recent, do you have any RL support? If you do don’t be afraid to ask for help I wish you well💐

I had the same, it was made worse whenever it got dark. Forced myself not to google, tried to get as much light in the house as possible...wrote down how I was feeling...I ended up writing a book about it! I remember talking to a relative about it and feeling like he was standing in the light and everything behind me was darkness and it was trying to grab me. I felt completely terrified.

I’m trying to think what helped but I guess as I still suffer with it sometimes I’m not great with the advice...I did try medication and CBT but in the end it was my children getting that little bit older and more robust, and accepting help from other people so that I could do what I enjoy in small chunks (drawing, writing, exercise.)

I’m sorry if this doesn’t help, but know you’re not alone. I hope things improve for you soon.

This too will pass, Vanilla. You have a good understanding of what causes your anxiety and that makes you stronger. MND is very rare and you should just put it out of your mind. Do some deep breathing and just relax. You are going to be fine.

I’ve been there and it’s something I will always have to fight to keep locked down.

It often flares when you are unhappy about another aspect of your life. Being fully responsible for your children and the thought of not being around for them is a massive trigger. I’ve had the same throughts. Do you know what? They’d be ok. If the WORST was to happen, they’d be ok.
Chances are, it’s NOT going to happen. Awful things could happen to every single one of us, at any time. Royalty, celebrities...we are all human and none of us know what the future holds. Try and take some reassurance from that. You aren’t alone.

I can only say what helps me.

Avoid health related programmes/movies/books/newspaper articles. They’re only going to make you feel worse.

Don’t google or look on forums. This includes nomorepanic. Again, will only reinforce your worries and make you feel worse.

Find any way to make yourself feel happy, as often as you can. Have music you like playing, watch comedies/a good series on tv, read and distract your mind/exercise, even if it’s just using YouTube in your living room, get out with friends and to playgroups, be around people who make you happy. Even little things like having a nice treat to look forward to when the kids are in bed. DONT put the kids to bed and sit on your phone, googling.

Cannabis oil really helped my anxiety. A lose dose is perfect. I took Love Dutch, 300mg. It really is brilliant.

Get enough sleep as anxiety is so much worse when you are tired.

Don’t ask for health advice on mumsnet, or from friends, for that matter. People without health anxiety can deal with, ‘oh god, i’d be straight the dr if that was me, I know of someone who etc etc.’ Just don’t.

Most of all, know that you aren’t alone and that it can and will get better. I’ve been at my lowest of low with health anxiety. I wasted years thinking I was about to die or be diagnosed with something awful imminently. I remember shutting myself in the uni toilets and sobbing because I’d found a small lymph node in my arm pit, then googling for hours and hours and hours afterwards, prodding it until my armpit was red and bruised, walking round in a numb fog. I would pace the room frantically and check glands in my neck every couple of seconds.
I wish I could go back in time and pick that crying 23 year old up off the floor and tell her to stop wasting her life away worrying.
It really is horrible and people who don’t suffer from health anxiety find it hard to understand.

Thank you again for your kind words

It really does help to hear I’m not alone. I know other people suffer but it really does help just to hear it said

I draw strength from my children needing me and I’ve managed to do a 180 and turn this around, which is progress. I keep toying with the idea of seeking some proper support or counselling which I have never had; I have had many forms of anxiety over the years but despite this I’m a happy and sociable person. Everything from panic attacks to sleep paralysis and vivid hallucinations; luckily I do not suffer depression easily. I’d love to get some counselling to see if I can to the bottom of why my mind works like this. It would be interesting at least!

Ansumpasty sorry I cross posted with you, thank you for the kind reassurance and I’m so sorry that you’ve been through all that; my experiences absolutely pale in comparison.

I wish there was more support for anxiety that wasn’t focused on things that make us anxious but anxiety itself, like this thread. It’s been so cathartic and empowering for some reason to just have a chat about it, hear similar experiences and name the beast, which really does reduce its power. So often people talk about what makes them afraid but for me it’s the fear itself that I hate and fear and it’s a strange dettached kind of feeling.

I was on hormonal contraception for a while when I was 19 - 20 and over the course of 18 months anxiety and panic attacks absolutely took over my life. It was atrocious and I’ve never again lived in such a state of that singular and primal fear. A dreadful way to feel, and my heart goes out to anyone else who has been there.

It can’t harm!
I tried CBT. It didn’t do much for me but works well for some.

One technique is delayed, time designated worry. Allow yourself a ‘worry time.’ For example, 8pm, for 10 minutes, can be your worry time. So at lunch time, when you start feeling sick with worry and feel those fearful thoughts just not giving you a break, you have to think to yourself, ‘I’m not going to think about it right now, but I will worry about them at 8pm.’ This way, you aren’t brushing the worries off as unimportant, you are just setting a time to deal with them.

The problem with this is being able to shut off the anxiety after allowing yourself to worry. I couldn’t. It would ruin my evening...I would be nauseous and vacant and the rest of my night would be ruined.

I find just doing ANYTHING to create positive thoughts works so much better. Force yourself to sing really loud and dance. It’s hard to worry when you are singing. Sounds silly but it’s not as silly as sitting alone in fear

I absolutely ageee- the fear of fear is really what it all comes down to. I worry about being worried. I have a phobia of doctors and medical tests, purely because I fear the feeling of being worried.
I fight fear with distraction, avoidance and positive thinking. Some might say that’s not fighting it at all, just running away. They’re probably right. That’s often the nature of anxiety though- it’s always just below the surface, even when you believe yourself ‘cured.’

I've been feeling incredibly anxious recently and terrified something is going to go wrong. I find chamomile tea really helps. I also try not to give into my fears and do something distracting. I play Xbox but whatever keeps you occupied won't make the anxiety go away but will make the time you have it less demanding.

Sorry to hear about that bsbabas :(

It’s horrible isn’t it- I actually feel silly complaining now as mine is quite brutal and terrifying when it hits but it is very fleeting. I’m sorting out my circumstances and trying to be as proactive as possible as I have so many unwanted changes happening including probably having to get a new job :(

But like many of you know, it helps to take things one step at a time. I don’t know if it will help anyone but I do firmly believe that focusing on the physical/chemical side of anxiety really helped me - it took away the belief that my fear was somehow rational and that did help. I don’t need to feel that way. I just do sometimes.

vanilla you aren't alone. I'm currently suffering from ongoing tingling in my legs. It could be anything, in fact I had it in my early twenties for an ongoing period. However my anxiety about it this time is crippling me and like you in my mind its MND. I don't know what to do but hope to reassure you that you aren't alone.

I get this a lot, not about MND but I’m always scared I’ll develop serious diseases. Convinced myself I had cancer a few times, as well as thinking I am going to die in childbirth.

Here if you want to talk OP, anxiety is a right wank of a thing to deal with.

Health anxiety can be crippling...
Please ask your GP to refer you for CBT... It is really helpful for HA

OP just an update. I did go to my GP today.
I'm booked iñ for B12 and thyroid to investigate my physical symptoms. We are also addressing my anxiety. She was wonderful and talked me down. I feel so much better already. Please go and make an appointment

This is a great thread.

I suffered from horrendous health anxiety when I was younger, which with hindsight was most likely co-related to my as-then undiagnosed autism, which wasn't diagnosed until I was in my early 30s.

You name it, I had it: everything from a brain tumour to HIV and botulism to radiation poisoning (that was a particularly fun few months).

For me, my ASD diagnosis helped to 'reframe' my life entirely and I no longer suffer to such an extent (although I did get a bit obsessed about pancreatitis for a few weeks about a year ago), but I realise this isn't the same for everybody.

I've heard of many people with HA finding relief through CBT and other methods of reframing unhelpful thought processes.

Strength to you, OP, and I hope even just finding you're not alone has helped a wee bit.

@donajimena I am sooo pleased for you, so glad the Gp was helpful & proactive, hoping I am not coming across as patronising but well done 💐

This thread has just calmed me so much. I feel so lonely with Health Anxiety. It's feels like such a lonely place.
I have suffered with this my whole life. But I am now talking to my husband about how I feel which has been surprisingly helpful. I hate the attacks of nausea, hot and cold flushes, catastrophic thinking, the stomach drops. I'm starting to recognise what this is now.

Thank you op for starting this thread. My best wishes and strength to you. You're not alone

@Kirta 💐