Please talk me down - health anxiety

[VanillaBeans]

Sorry to post here for the traffic but I’m feeling really desperate...

I’ve very recently become a lone parent and I’m suffering some quite bad anxiety right just now. I don’t usually suffer with health anxiety but I read an article about MND and my nasty anxious brain is convincing me that I will get it - combining my fear of not being able to swallow/degeneration with not being around for my small children.

I have to keep thinking that this will pass but if anyone else is worried or anxious does anyone fancy a chat? I’m feeling terribly panicky and it’s the worst feeling in the world :(

Thanks @dontcallmelen 

@Ansumpasty I have taken a screenshot of your post, as the way you have written it really resonates. Next time I have an attack, I will remind myself of those strategies. Thank you!

dontcall not at all! I actually went in as an emergency appointment because I was in such a panic. I'm so grateful to the surgery for seeing me.

@kirta

You’re welcome!
There is no need to feel alone with health anxiety- feel free to pm me if you’ve gotten yourself into a state at any point, and that goes for anyone on this thread.

I know exactly how that loneliness feels- you get yourself into this black hole of dread and panic, and the more you think the deeper and darker you go, until you realise that hours have passed and you’ve been googling/reading online or even just thinking, your mind jumping from one catastrophic worry and ‘what if’ to the next. ‘What if’ this tiny lump/bump/headache is the start of something, what if I’ve actually got only months to live, what if this is my last Xmas, what if this pain in my stomach/side, etc doesn’t go away and gets worse.

It’s EXHAUSTING. This level of worry and heightened anxiety at a chronic level causes not only mental exhaustion, but physical. The physical symptoms then feed your anxiety, which just goes in a massive circle.

I kid you not, I’ve given myself headaches that stay for 6 weeks at a time and cause all different pains around my head, a leg ache that lasted 3 weeks, stomach problems such as diarhoea (can never spell that!) as soon as my eyes open in the morning for MONTHS, daily nausea for months that was bad enough for make me run to the toilet and retch...the list goes on.

Anxiety can cause all these things and yet it won’t let you believe that they’re anxiety at all. It’s like a sneaky little thief that robs you of happiness and living your life.

It sounds really silly but sometimes you literally just have to think in your head when you feel a worry start clutching at your stomach and start suffocating you, ‘fu*k off!! I don’t care!! I don’t care about this, this is NOTHING to worry about.’ Then sing a song, dance-can be a silly song or even just in your head. I used to drive around in the car with really loud music playing that I knew all the words to. It really is cathartic! It sounds completely ridiculous but sometimes just moving and singing and forcing yourself to smile is enough for the anxiety to just loosen its grip on you.

Find things that make you laugh when you can’t snap out of it-it really does help! Silly stuff on YouTube or comedian clips work very well.

There are some really good anxiety guided meditation tracks online for when you can’t shut off at night time. Have a look at these:
theanxietymeditation.com/best-guided-meditation-for-anxiety/

Keep your mind busy on other things as much as possible and then it doesn’t leave much room for the worries to sneak in!

Oh and just to add, I used to look at happy, anxiety free people around me, having fun and laughing in bars and posting smiling holiday pictures etc and think, ‘but they don’t have this (dodgy looking mole/pain/lump/weird tingle etc etc) to worry about i’d be just as happy as them if I didn’t. Well guess what, they do. Everyone gets and has lumps, bumps, pains and strange bodily things but they aren’t a massive issue because they’re too busy enjoying living their lives.

It would be such a waste to live to 100 and die in your sleep, without any incurable disease or awful conditon, but having wasted and not enjoyed your time, believing you had them.
It would be equally as sad to be hit by a bus tomorrow, having ruined your last day worrying about things that may never happen. We can’t control what will happen to us. What we can control, is how happy we feel, at this very moment.

I’m so glad this thread has been helpful and the responses are making me emotional!!

Just getting ready for work so will reply properly later, thank you for sharing all your experiences

I also want to add that.

What also helped me, as strange as it may sound to come, was to actually properly educate myself about ALS/MND. I read a lot of factual info and learnt that actually, it is very rare, that twitching etc are not symptoms. How it actually presents itself, progresses and other info etc. Then I realised that what I was feeling/the physical symptoms were mostly down to the severe levels of anxiety x

Joining this thread as I’m finding it really helpful! Had HA for years, it sort of goes in cycles and I often find it’s worst when I’m supposed to be relaxed and happy. I desperately want to be one of those “don’t care” people.
The ideas of singing etc are really helping!

@SureIusedtobetaller I totally understand that! Mine has been bad as I've been on holiday for 3 weeks. I always get a bit anxious before I return from holiday, but about a week in I convinced myself I have a dodgy mole (husband absolutely sure it's exactly the same!) and it has absolutely consumed me! This thread has helped me rationalise it a bit, and some of the strategies are really helping.
The point that someone made earlier about other areas of your life being unsteady can trigger is so true for me. Whilst away I left my purse at home, with my cards unit, and was unable to pay a bill on time. This then triggered a whole lot of uneasiness, with the HA being overwhelming. I'm home now and starting to feel a lot better, maybe it's a control thing!
Echoing another poster, outwardly I'm happy and easy going, fun and often described as laid back Larry! I must hide the gnawing feeling of hopelessness well!

Ah the gnawing feeling of hopelessness....I know it well.
Could we keep this thread going as it’s such a positive one? I feel like we all really want to beat this thing. And I’ve really had enough now. Ruined enough holidays for myself.
Things that have worked this hol- exercise and getting out and about. Distraction (Dog related internet stuff, cute dogs always help). Mindfulness- if I feel that rising panic I do the 5 things I can see, feel, hear thing.

@SureIusedtobetaller I'd like that. In fact, I r just had a panic attack. I've got a 7yo and a 4month old. I'm terrified of dying and leaving them. My mum is coming to stay next week. If I'm still feeling panicky, I think I might ask her to come to the GP with me about the HA But terrified that the GP will tell me I've cancer or refer me and I won't cope. My thought process won't stop spiralling. I feel awful again

The GP will almost certainly offer medication and tell you to self refer for talk therapy or refer you for CBT. Well worth it. Go!

Such a supportive thread with some great advice.
My HA is quite bad atm. Whenever I get ill, even a headache I catastrophise & I’ve had a couple of suspected gallstone attacks in the last couple of weeks. It’s not helped by going on holiday tomorrow & worrying about every health based thing that could wrong.

@kirta

You aren’t going to the gp about a physical illness. They 100% WILL NOT tell you that you have cancer or refer you for tests. Don’t even mention any health worries; go about health anxiety and health anxiety only.

I really, REALLY recommend CBT oil. It’s completely legal with no side effects and worked wonders for me.

@Ansumpasty thank you!

Any tips for stopping to constant checking of my mole/body? I keep touching it and actually have made it red. Thinking about it makes me do conscious it is there! I know that's a massive symptom of HA.

Op I'm so sorry for derailing. This is helping me massively.

@kirta

It’s very hard to stop the none stop checking. You have to calm yourself down and think logically. You won’t see changes if you look at it constantly.
It’s Friday today. Every time you go to look at it, think ‘I’m stronger than this.’ Tell yourself you will look at it in a week, next Friday. You can do this
Maybe you will even forget!

@Kirta, yy what Ansumpasty said, I went with my dd to the GP a couple of months ago, her anxiety was really really problematic & she was in quite a bad way, she has been referred for counselling the Gp was very empathetic & it helped her a lot, just admitting to how she was feeling & getting it out into the open, please make an appointment & take your mum with you.

@dontcallmelen I'm going to do it. I need to beat this, it's not fair on anyone. I'm going to put my trainers on now and run! Then I'm going to come home, make some soup and be present with my family. They are an excellent bunch and deserve more than a vague and panicky mum and wife. I will not look at my mole or investigate every tingle or ache until Friday next week. @Ansumpasty you are right. I am strong, I can do this, and I will.

(Breastfeeding, tiredness, mat leave from a job I LOVE, and a recent close bereavement is all contributing to this I think)

I will be ok wont I. !

Close bereavement can be a real trigger.
I had hypnotherapy and she said gradually extend the time between any checking behavious- cut down. Checking feeds the anxiety.
Run is a great idea. And making a conscious effort to be present.
And never ever google. I used to waste so much of my life googling and I don’t now so I guess that’s progress.
I think many many people suffer this. I do wonder why it’s so prevalent now?

@kirta, yeahy running is excellent releases some good endorphins, also I think also what you said re; tiredness/mat leave etc etc also the fact that having a new baby, does sometimes reinforce what a huge responsibility being a parent is & sometimes makes us panicked & then our brains go into overdrive & manifest into anxieties, which become harder & harder to control, you will be ok & enlist the support of your loved ones.

@sureiusedtobetaller

“I do wonder why it’s so prevalent now?”

I blame the internet and media. People would never be able to found out the symptoms to any disease with a quick google search on their phone, while waiting in line at Sainsbury’s. Then there are the forums and the media attention, the awareness campaigns and charity fundraisers. People know too much. Ignorance was bliss, I think

Yes I know it made mine worse- I was always a bit anxious but dr Google has not helped. I’m generally better staying away from anything disease related on tv or Internet.
Previously we would have trusted our doctor too and I think that’s gone- too many articles about misdiagnosis etc so it appears very common, whereas it still warrants an article so can’t be...!

@Inmyownlittlecorner how are you doing now? Are you going somewhere lovely?

@Ansumpasty @dontcallmelen I ran and ran and feel better! Even ran through a scary cow field that I avoid. It helped to focus on how strong my body is to run, and to feed my baby and how I'm still functioning whilst having broken sleep!
Trying hard to rationalise today! And it's working. I had a shower after my run and didn't spend time scrutinising my skin. I have a boxset and chill out planned for this evening!

Yay Kirta! Enjoy your box set- anything good?

@SureIusedtobetaller I'm starting Humans. Hoping it's good!

@kirta well done & I think of you can rationalise your thoughts, it really can help, also knowing you are not alone & help is available be it with apps/books accessing Gp services etc.
Yy Dr Google, makes it far to easy to feed into fears, also the information can be really dreadful full of inaccuracies & downright bloody myths sometimes, also I think it’s quite easy to be isolated & only communicating through social media, getting an airbrushed & carefully curated version of real life, we have so much stress & worry in our lives, the world is a difficult place to live in at times & we are overloaded with worries/life/circumstances that I think it’s very easy for anxiety too escalate & our brains home in on something so we focus on a particular fear, which in strange way gives some control.