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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not talking at 2, Mum not worried?

58 replies

Dotheflosslikeaboss · 21/08/2018 23:01

My sister has a little boy who is absolutely gorgeous, but at 2 years and 1 month he doesn’t say a thing. No babbling or trying to make sounds.

His hearing seems fine and he’s eating/walking normally. But my Sister refuses to discuss it with her HV or a Doctor.

When he’s with his friends the difference is becoming more and more noticeable, but I don’t know how normal this is or if I should try to push her more to speak to someone?

He’s her PFB and I’m trying to support her, but I’m worried that if he doesn’t get any help he needs now it will be harder when he’s older.

OP posts:
Original poster
Dotheflosslikeaboss · 21/08/2018 23:02

So my AIBU is whether I should push her to speak to someone or just butt out?

OP posts:
CripsSandwiches · 21/08/2018 23:05

Does he understand language? Respond to his name? Follow basic commands and understand simple sentences? (For example if you said "daddy's home" would he look at the front door. If you said "touch your tummy" would he do it?) What other communication does he have nodding? pointing?

If he was mine I'd want to get him on a waiting list for speech therapy - he may catch up independently before being seen but it's better to start the ball rolling ASAP. Lots of kids are behind on their speech at 2 and catch up but if they're still not speaking clearly when they start school (and as a summer baby he would start school in 2 years just after turning 4) it's a massive disadvantage that can be difficult to overcome later.

Singlenotsingle · 21/08/2018 23:09

Children all develop at different stages. My dgs was 3 and a half before he started talking but he's a chatterbox now at 5 and a half. His sister is 2 yrs 3mths andshe doesn't talk yet either. It'll happen when he's ready

FASH84 · 21/08/2018 23:09

My cousin's DS has only just started saying mama (more babbling than an actual word) and he's almost three, she hasn't sought any advice either. Quite worrying.

Fruitbatdancer · 21/08/2018 23:10

You are right to be concerned, my son was the same, but it was a bloody battle to get any help, no one is interested until they are about 3 as long as understanding/ all other development is ok.
He’s now 4 and speech is catching up but still behind peers. Despite 12 months of (pretty poor quality IMO) speech theraphy.
Tread gently, she needs support (I did!) also at his 2 year church which will happen soon it will probably be flagged.

delilahswishes · 21/08/2018 23:10

Are you in the UK? In most areas a HV does a 2 year check in regards to motor and language skills.

Children all develop at different levels, my friends DC barely spoke a word at 2, only odd bits like "dog" and "mum" his mum raised it with a HV who said keep an eye on it but she wouldn't refer him to a speech and language until 2.5. He is now 5 and speaks to the same level (if not higher) as his peers he just took a little longer to verbalise his opinions.

I think the difference is if he is actually understanding what people are saying and responding like "throw me the ball" "pass me the puzzle" etc.

Original poster
Dotheflosslikeaboss · 21/08/2018 23:10

He had good understanding. If I read him a book and say “Point at the chicken” he points. He knows his name and can do blocks and shapes quite well.

I’m just really worried for the same reasons you mentioned: Yongest in class, potentially long wait for speech therapy (no idea, just guessing).

But my Sister just won’t discuss it and I know she’s not already spoken to someone and just doesn’t want to say as she really would just say.

I don’t know how to beat help and I love my little nephew, but also don’t want to upset/undermine my Sister.

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Fruitbatdancer · 21/08/2018 23:11

2 year check up not church!

Allthatsnot · 21/08/2018 23:12

The health visitor will assess his speech at his 2 year check and refer from there if needed.
My eldest didn't talk until 3, then didn't stop and still hasn't. My 2.5 year old doesn't talk at all but understands quite complex instructions so the knowledge is there I think he is just lazy.

stayathomer · 21/08/2018 23:12

It will get prioritised by health care officials at the child's next check Id say. My son had speech issues, we weren't sure if it was normal or not and they called it straight away and he was referred for OT and ST. You can be sure she knows, she's possibly panicking. I'd say don't press it but randomly brought into conversation the odd time. The other thing is she's deal with it but just doesn't want to talk about it and is telling you she's not doing snything(have done it to get DM/DMIL off back so I didn't have to go through explanation after explanation!)

stayathomer · 21/08/2018 23:14

Apologies, need to check next time I comment for spelling/grammar!!

dontforgetbilly · 21/08/2018 23:16

My boy didn't talk until 2.5 ( apart from the one time I swear he said giraffe, but refused to repeat it) he one day decided he would and that was him. Doesn't. Shut. Up.
If everything else seems on track, give him time. She is right not to stress.

Original poster
Dotheflosslikeaboss · 21/08/2018 23:16

She’s not had the 2 year check yet, that’s good to know they’ll check it then. I just hope she doesn’t gloss over it or take him with a dummy.

Will they make her take his dummy out? Do they listen or just ask if they are speaking? Mine are far older and I don’t really remember the 2 year check at all.

I don’t think she’d deliberately mislead the HV, but I do think she would say he’s fine and trying to talk.

Do you think I should the HV in advance when I know it’s booked so I can warn them or would they say I’d called?

I really don’t want to upset my Sister.

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ToDuk · 21/08/2018 23:17

I always say the same thing on these threads. Please encourage your sister to get his hearing checked. It's really important to get this ruled out.

craftymum01 · 21/08/2018 23:20

He sounds exactly like my ds. Turned 2 two weeks ago and no words (though my ds babbles constantly). I took him to a speech drop in session which was brilliant. We have been referred for some workshops.
However, I am a senco and I deal with anxious (and sometimes in denial) parents every day. The fact is mum knows the speech is delayed whether she admits it or not. As pp have said, he will get a two war check and they will refer him on to salt if they deem it necessary. Perhaps she needs to hear it from a professional rather than a (very well meaning) relative. I find it much easier in my job to talk to parents at school than I do to my sister in law about her son. There is an emotional distance there. By all means mention it but be prepared to be ignored or dismissed. The message will get through to her soon I am sure.

Original poster
Dotheflosslikeaboss · 21/08/2018 23:20

@stayathomer I am certain she’s not spoken to anyone about it, I know she would tell me. I think you’re right and she’s panicking in case it is serious and just doesn’t want to accept it.

Thanks to all PPs who had later talks who have/are catching up. That’s good to hear too.

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craftymum01 · 21/08/2018 23:22

X post. They won’t take her word for it, they will want to hear his speech. My nephew got referred for dropping the middle consonant. They won’t expect parents to know exactly what level of speech their child should be up. I wouldn’t ring them myself if I were you, I would wait to see what comes of it

Fruitbatdancer · 21/08/2018 23:22

I second the hearing check, we ended up going privately due to an NHS cluster fuck, but discovered that we think glue eat was the issue until about age 2.
At the two year check HV will definitely look for independent talking and won’t take mums word for it. They directly ask q’s of the child.

Original poster
Dotheflosslikeaboss · 21/08/2018 23:24

@craftymum01 That’s great to hear if you think it will definitely get picked up at the 2 year check.

I’m going to not mention it again (I’ve been very gentle so far and I’m trying so hard not to overstep my place) until I know he’s had his check. I really, really hope he gets referred.

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Ijumpedtheshark · 21/08/2018 23:25

My son wasn’t talking much at 2 and HV said wait until 2 1/2 until doing anything. He flourished in that time and is now super chatty. So I’d say wait as they won’t do anything until 2 1/2 anyway.

Original poster
Dotheflosslikeaboss · 21/08/2018 23:27

I’ll ask her about whether he’s had his hearing check tomorrow (she visits most days) but not mention the talking link.

I’m feeling so much better now I know they will definitely check and ask him to speak, phew!

Thanks to all who have replied Wine

OP posts:
CripsSandwiches · 21/08/2018 23:27

It's much less of a concern given that it seems it's just his speech that is behind not his understanding. In most cases the child will just catch up - often very suddenly.

I remember someone telling me that there were broadly three types of kids when it comes to speaking.

The babblers who babble a lot and it gradually turns into recognisable speech.

The try hards who attempt to use words before they have the fine motor skills to speak clearly - often only the parents or close family will understand their first words as they're so unclear this obviously gradually improves over time.

Then the strong silent types who say nothing for absolutely ages then suddenly come out with quite sophisticated language.

Most likely your nephew is just in the third category and will catch up on his own - possibly when he starts nursery or pre school if he hasn't yet. I do think it would be wise to look into speech therapy just in case he hasn't caught up in time for school but I don't think it's panic stations at this point.

You can also do a lot to encourage language at home - look at the book "it takes two to talk" for example. Some great advice in there.

Fruitbatdancer · 21/08/2018 23:28

Just to pre warn you at our 2 year check (at about 2 years 3 months) they didn’t refer, they put another checkpoint in at 6 months later to see if improvements made, only then would they refer. They really don’t worry till they are almost 3. (I thought this was bonkers and contacted speech therapist privately, they also weren’t interested till 3+ it’s a minefield....

LeighaJ · 21/08/2018 23:29

I was told by a perinatal nurse that they are required to have their ability to talk tested at 2, but maybe it varies by county.

I was a late talker and it's because I have central auditory processing disorder. Basically my ears and brain don't coordinate in the way they do with other people. It can cause a lot of issues but is less obvious then being deaf and is sometimes misdiagnosed as ADHD.

JoffreyBaratheon · 21/08/2018 23:29

One of my sons didn't talk until he was around 5. He's a grown up now, and has a very lucrative, high-flying job. And a mastery of an obscure computer language, which makes him very employable and often head-hunted. So if verbal language eluded him for a while... other languages haven't.