House Sharing In My 30s

[HateSeafood]

Been doing it for two years to save a deposit for my own home, feels like I'll be doing it for the rest of my fucking miserable and depressing life. I'm too old and too introverted for this shit. I feel like a student. Just bouncing around from house to house, moving in with another stranger yet again this month, for the third time since I've been living like this. I can't (won't) go back to renting privately because it eats up so much of my earnings. I can't go back to my parents for various reasons. So this is my life. Pathetic.

Don't be so hard on yourself. Most people make sacrifices for something they'd like to accomplish. It's not pathetic, it's a PLAN!!

It isn’t pathetic at all. It’s very normal and it’s what you make of it.

You need you start accepting it. Agree it sucks but life is not fair and the sooner everyone comes to terms with that the better. That is not to say you should just accept everything and be apathetic, but accept the things you cannot change, and have the courage to change the things you can.

Im very introvert OP & could only ever bear sharing with one person of the same age. It's less studenty & less potential for noise/arguments IME. Is that do-able or does that make you miserable too? If it does, then I'd find a studio flat tbh & save a bit longer because if you're that unhappy it's not worth it. Im lucky, i have a large studio flat (whole top floor) & it's still less than a friend pays for a houseshare with 2others (that she hates).

Could you rent a room from a friend? It's good that your saving for a deposit. It's admirable. Others get into debt and your stopping this from happening. It's not forever. Your doing well

Agree, I think I’d look to share a house with just one other person. It might take a while to find but you have somewhere in the meantime and it would probably be preferable to sharing with say 3 others which yes would feel v students. I feel your pain, I’m an introvert too and would really struggle. But you will be SO glad you made the sacrifice when you have your own house, keep ploughing on!

Been there, and got the t-shirt. I thought I would go mad if I kept on sharing flats ....

Now have crappy council flat with crappy anti-social neighbours and drug dealers all around. It also takes a lot of energy.

I hated sharing flats, but I almost look back on them with wistfulness. Someone else dealt with all the aggravation and expense of upkeep, white goods, furniture etc etc. I just had my nice room!

I think the key might be to try and find a really nice room somewhere - maybe with just the owner living there i.e. not loads of random "sharers". Focus on the good things in life e.g. lack of responsibility (relatively).

Yes I'm living with one fucking absolutely indescribable cunt person now and moving into another shithole house with one other person (live in LL) this month, providing it doesn't fall through. The room will be lovely as I'll make it lovely. I suppose the actual living with another person isn't so horrendous touch wood as I don't even know him. It's just the jump, not knowing what I'm going into and not knowing how many more jumps there will be or for how long a period. Living in a house that is way (way!) below my standards of living. Yes I could move into a really nice house but it would cost a lot more so yes I should just get on with it and stop fucking moaning I'm sorry. I am so tired. I just want to lie down in a bed that I've paid for in a house that I've bought. It would be filled with scented candles and cushions and fluffy carpets and lovely things. I miss my lovely things 😥

It’s shit, but it’s better than pissing rent away!

Use the time to occupy your mind and plan for your home.

You can still make your room beautiful, OP. I know its not the same. But I like I said I've got a flat and I find the upkeep involved in being a "householder" exhausting!

I think you could find somewhere nicer, that is not necessarily expensive. An older person perhaps?

Also, when I felt like it was because a load of things, my job, my life, blah blah - the flat sharing was just one thing! I also probably felt a bit lost, lack of self-esteem. If you focused on making your life better and more in tune with who you are and how you want to live - maybe you'd feel better? Maybe some therapy or life coaching might help?

when one thing gets set in motion, others kinda tend to follow ...

Thank you xx

If you can afford the deposit on a whole property you could get a tenant to share of your terms or even advertise for a weekday only sharer giving you privacy in the weekend.
I used to house share with pilots and doctors who were always away or on shift. I'd advertise on the airline and hospital classified.

If you're in the SE, there are lots of "granny annexes" for rent. I lived in one of them when I was hard up. You get your own kitchenette and shower room as well as a studio room, so you're self contained. You sometimes have your own front door too. The price is often cheaper than a normal flat would be.

Break it up a bit with house sitting. A friend of mine has found someone who regularly travels and needs a regular house sitter. It’s a break for her from sharing in a house...

Yep another friend who was a pilot so never there but had a lodger...hardly saw each other,...

Keep going, OP! You'll be so proud of yourself when you get there. What's your aim time wise until you reach your deposit amount?

Oh around 15,000,000,000 years. By the time I've reached my goal I'll probably just check myself into the nearest nursing home. There won't even be cars at that point or roads, everyone will be flying around in mini Toyota spaceships.

Seriously though, if the housing market doesn't skyrocket which it will and I can't think positively to save my life then I'll probably be looking at 3/4 years if I'm very lucky. At that point I'll be 37/38 years old... and feeling 90

This is becoming normal living, with people only renting rooms and not able to afford an entire flat, beds it or house.

at least you've got a sense of humour OP, you know the spaceships 'an 'all.

when you're in your 60s you'll get state help .

live life to the full until then , the job you want, the travel you want, untied to the kitchen sink, never feel lesser because you aint go the bricks and mortar, please, you're a free(ish) woman! sometimes we have to find freedom in a different form to the established way.

The going rate for studios in NE London is around £760-800 often Inc bills. My friend shares in tiny flat with 3others and it comes to £870. I couldn't bear 3other people's noise and only 1bathroom.

I don't massively do the whole "think positive" thing either, op.

My approach is more along the lines of venting exactly how crap (or wonderful) things are, then once the tension is gone because I'm not holding all those emotions inside, I come up with a plan to deal with it. After that I focus on the things I can control and the little things that have gone well, and how I feel about those.

Does that work for you?

There is value in expressing frustration and sadness.

Your timescale doesn't sound so horrendous... Could you break it up to make it feel less miserable? Put some of your energy into the other pieces of your life? So that you'll have a fulfilling life to go with the lovely house? And it feels like you're moving forward not "stagnating"?

Would it make you feel better or worse to have a dreams book to doodle or research what you'll do with the future home? Colours, textures, plants, lifestyle... You might bin them all and do something entirely different once you finally get your own home, but if it makes the dream feel more in your reach in the meantime who cares!

Been renting out 10 years before I got my own place. I bloody could not stand it in the end. Seriously, sharing houses made me hate people/humanity.
Most of the times it started OK, but the longer you live with people, the longer everyone wants the house to look like if it was their own. I once lived with a super loud woman whose partner lived on the same floor (the flat was meant to be female only) and they would talk super loud and slam the doors until like 2/3 am, and of course they hanged around our flat rather than the one he shared with his mates. When I complained to the landlord (and mind you I was being super polite about it, just asked if he can ask her to not be loud at night), she made a massive argument and became even more loud.

Have you considered shared ownership? Believe me, there is light at the end of the tunnel. I managed to save up and got my own place eventually with my partner, it was the best f... day of my life when I finally said bbye to my horrendous flatmates. I was 32 so not far off you. Stay strong and look for opportunities to find something to get on the ladder.

Vienna - that's what I do. I have access to the whole house but my room is my bolthole I eat in there, sleep in there, watch tv in there, read in there. I work full time and I'm often at the gym in the evenings and seeing friends at their houses (we rarely go out everyone is skint) so when I'm at "home" you don't see me unless I'm in the kitchen cooking for half hour max or having a fag in the garden.

Anouk - that's what I do quite often! I am a dreamer I always have been.

You're all making me smile thank you.

Thank fuck for prosecco 🥂