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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think wearing make up doesn’t make you vain?

120 replies

Looklikewemadeit · 21/08/2018 10:48

Interested to hear peoples thoughts on this. I always wear make up unless on holiday with close family or days when I’m guaranteed not to see anyone except dh/dc. We’re not talking a small amount - I wear foundation, bronzer, blusher, eyeliner, powder daily. It’s been suggested a few times recently by friends and Dm that wearing make up is vain.

I’m just wondering is this a common perseption? What do mumsnetters think of women who wear makeup regularly or do you do it yourself? Personally I wear make up because I was bullied at school for having acne and being ugly. This was when I started wearing it and now I feel really self conscious and embarrassed if people (anyone) see me without it. I don’t think this makes me vain? But as I don’t want to go into my reasons with everyone I know I wonder if a lot of people I know think i am.

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 22/08/2018 11:41

I don't always notice whether someone has makeup on or not, but when I do notice, I don't judge. Although I might look at someone with make up on and admire their skill in applying it - and then go on to judge myself for being so crap at it.

TheGoddessFrigg · 22/08/2018 12:15

At my workplace I've noticed heavy make up is only worn by ladies in the lower paid jobs, as if it's frowned upon once you progress upwards.

WOW.....Shock

Damnivy · 22/08/2018 12:30

I don't have a great body, and feel my make up and hair makes up for it, its the thing that makes me feel good and gives me confidence that I wouldn't have without it. I also like to look after myself! That doesn't mean I'm vain!
We all need to show each other a little more love! The amount of times I see and hear women putting women down, you can have a woman dressed nice, nice hair and make up and other women will start saying about her being self obsessed or thinking that she is it, or needing to put more clothes on... well no that woman looks gorgouse and your just jelouse.
Don't feel bad for being you, make up or no make up, and no one should feel the need to comment!

Queuegardens · 22/08/2018 13:37

I'm hugely vain. I genuinely think I am proper beautiful - despite also knowing I'm actually a completely normal, averagely attractive, inoffensive, slightly overweight 40 year old. I'm not quite sure how this thought process happens!! But I look at myself in shop windows all the time to see how I look and enjoy tossing my hair about etc. It's not like a competition with others, I just like seeing myself and think I look awesome!

I never wear any makeup, in a way I'm scared to, as it ups the ante of what's normal. If someone respects me at work now/fancies me/considers me sufficiently well groomed for modern life...or whatever... if i start wearing slap every day then it's a rod for my own back innit? It will become normalised, then I'll be too busy to wear it one day, and then everyone will start with the "ooh you look tired" gubbins.

RoseWhiteTips · 22/08/2018 13:39

I think if you don’t know makeup, then the makeup is perfect for purpose. It is meant to enhance not make the wearer look like a clown.

RoseWhiteTips · 22/08/2018 13:40

...if you don’t know someone is wearing makeup...

M3lon · 22/08/2018 13:45

In order to be vain, you have to be excessively interested in your appearance. This makes things tricky...because the definition of excessive depends on the local average behaviour.

We'd likely mostly agree that people spending 100 quid a week on fake tan and 2 hours a day getting ready to leave the house are excessively interested in their appearance.

Most people brush/style their hair, many wear mascara, foundation, lipstick etc.

So I think you would be hard pushed to define people spending 15 mins on hair and makeup per day as 'vain' because it is the norm.

Enjoli · 22/08/2018 15:32

Yes, it's vain.

And?

What's wrong with vanity?

It's a lot more fun than Puritanical misogyny. The idea that women shouldn't decorate and adorn themselves is associated with oppressive religions/regimes.

Maybe we should self flagellate a little for 5 minutes each morning in lieu of mascara.

FFS

Racecardriver · 22/08/2018 15:37

No. I think that wearing make up because you always want to look amazing is vain but doing it because you are insecure is not vain. Vanity has an element of arrogance about it and self satisfaction. What you derive is more akin to shame.

MasonJar · 22/08/2018 15:56

I don't think it's vain to wear make up, more likely the opposite.
I wore it every day in my teens and twenties because I thought I'd be judged by others as not attractive enough without it.
When I reached my thirties I realised I didnt give a shit about people's opinions of my face and I stopped wearing it.

Kingkiller · 22/08/2018 16:01

I wear make-up every day, but I kind of wish I didn't feel like I have to. I'm not vain. I just have rather pale, sallow skin, was pretty spotty as a teen, and have an ingrained belief that I look crap without make-up. It pisses me off that if I were a man with my skin, there never would have been any expectation for me to wear any. I know I could stop, but I am used to the way I look with make-up.

bringincrazyback · 22/08/2018 16:07

Surely wearing make up is the opposite of being vain?
I wear make up because I feel I am not beautiful enough without it...i.e I don't think I'm beautiful, i.e I am not vain

Sad to hear you feel this way about yourself, but I think you may be on to something re vanity. I wear makeup daily, partly because I enjoy it and feel at my best wearing it, but I have to admit it's also because I don't consider myself attractive enough without it. I know a few rather conceited women who are quite happy to walk around looking a fright, who tend to imply that I'm vain, and sometimes a part of me thinks 'But... but... you're obviously deluded enough to think you look brilliant without a lick of makeup on, when you really don't... doesn't that make you the vain one?'

user838383 · 22/08/2018 16:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Hideandgo · 22/08/2018 16:21

Boopsy, you look awful compared to what you think a woman is supposed to look like. I bet you don’t really look awful, we’ve just been trained to see woman+pale+no eyebrows as something wrong. Men don’t actually have this problem. They don’t look ‘awful’ they just look exactly like themselves.

SleightOfMind · 22/08/2018 16:47

I’d never judge someone by what they put on their face.

I do feel sorry for people who seem very shy and like they’re wearing their make up as a mask, to hide behind.

They look lovely without it and no one should feel that they have to cover their natural appearance to feel accepted.

If more of us went without it regularly, perhaps ordinary faces would become more normalised.

user838383 · 22/08/2018 18:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BloodyDisgrace · 22/08/2018 18:20

Enjoli
*What's wrong with vanity?

It's a lot more fun than Puritanical misogyny. The idea that women shouldn't decorate and adorn themselves is associated with oppressive religions/regimes*

Excellent! Totally agree.

M3lon · 23/08/2018 00:03

wtf? Is there some movement to ban women from using make up? I didn't get the memo.

There is, however, a big problem with women constantly reinforcing the message that our main contribution to the world is to look pretty.

When your DD wants to be an engineer and you know full well the challenges she'll face defying the female stereotype, you tend be a little annoyed with all the women so steadfastly promoting the same old 'everyone wants to look their best' mantra.

I'm all for women being the best version of themselves....but looking their best?..no, the pay gap is too serious an issue for that to be something we should pass onto our daughters.

genz · 23/08/2018 08:58

makeup- especially the type you see on instagram is an art form, so i think it’s more creative in most circumstances, often taking a lot of inspiration from drag. maybe it is vain, but why is that even a bad thing? i’d rather be vain than some ~im not like other girls~ type of person

MrsRyanGosling15 · 23/08/2018 09:37

M3lon funny you say that. My sister is an engineer. Very high up in her career with about 3000 men in the workforce and a few hundred women, mostly in admin. At her level there are no other women. She would never wear make up to work. Or show any skin above her elbow. Would never ever wear a skirt or dress even for formal meetings. She literally has to be as 'man like' in her appearance as possible to be treated as a 'proper engineer' and their manager. Her dh worked on the factory floor and said their attitude to women was disgusting. If someone came in 'done up' it was 'obviously' to impress someone. I do think its really sad she has to downplay herself and her beauty to be taken seriously. What is on her face has no bearing on her amazing intelligence but it is not seen that way.

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