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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think wearing make up doesn’t make you vain?

120 replies

Looklikewemadeit · 21/08/2018 10:48

Interested to hear peoples thoughts on this. I always wear make up unless on holiday with close family or days when I’m guaranteed not to see anyone except dh/dc. We’re not talking a small amount - I wear foundation, bronzer, blusher, eyeliner, powder daily. It’s been suggested a few times recently by friends and Dm that wearing make up is vain.

I’m just wondering is this a common perseption? What do mumsnetters think of women who wear makeup regularly or do you do it yourself? Personally I wear make up because I was bullied at school for having acne and being ugly. This was when I started wearing it and now I feel really self conscious and embarrassed if people (anyone) see me without it. I don’t think this makes me vain? But as I don’t want to go into my reasons with everyone I know I wonder if a lot of people I know think i am.

OP posts:
Oblomov18 · 21/08/2018 11:56

My only concern is when people are horrified/hate when people see them natural.

These women that never let even their husbands see them without a full face are ott.

I wear none, or a tiny bit, or a small amount for work, or a bit more: silver eyeshadow and eyeliner and a bright red lipstick for going out.

But it wouldn't concern me if someone saw me st home with none.

Do you take yours off before going to bed? Switch the lights off so Dh can't see you? Hmm

Vain might not be the right word. Maybe damaged from bullying. That's different.

spugzbunny · 21/08/2018 11:59

School is a very judgemental place. I used to be the same but as I've got older I don't care as much! Now I will happily go without! I find dying my eyebrows and lashes helps me look passable and takes no effort!

ScattyCharly · 21/08/2018 12:01

I think it’s pressure on women and women getting judged on their appearance. I don’t wear makeup because I don’t give a fuck what anyone thinks of my appearance. I care about how I feel. Also makeup is very expensive.

MrsRyanGosling15 · 21/08/2018 12:07

Well as a feminist who wears make up every day, I would never look at a woman wearing make up and feel she is lacking self esteem. I just wouldn't think anything, because it's not my face and not my issue or my place to pass that judgement. It does annoy me when people have a patronising attitude to what women do or do not do. If your a woman you literally can not win in this world.

Well it takes a fair amount of time and effort to research, purchase and apply it all I don't understand this at all. I don't think I've ever put time and effort into researching make up! When in the chemist, chuck in the basket. Apply in mins.

easyandy101 · 21/08/2018 12:26

@MrsRyanGosling15

Then you're lucky with your skin. Most products on the market react badly with my partners skin and yes she does put a lot of research and effort into finding products that don't

Original poster
Looklikewemadeit · 21/08/2018 12:27

Oblomov18 yes I take it off before bed. I’m fine with my husband and children seeing me without make up (this was already mentioned in my op - feel free to read it properly next time before trying to belittle me)

Really pleased that most replies seem to be non judgemental of both women who wear make up and women who don’t. I am hoping to gradually wear less and less over th next couple of years as I don’t want my daughter to notice when she’s old enough to - although this will be a big deal for me

OP posts:
maras2 · 21/08/2018 12:27

My late, lovely MIL was the least vain person I knew.
Right up until she became poorly, about a year before she died, she never went out even to the local shops without her 'face on' Nor without nail varnish and heels.
She was 86 when she died.
We all miss her but have got plenty of 'do you remember when mum/nan did ......' anecdotes. Smile

MrsRyanGosling15 · 21/08/2018 12:46

Easy I have horrific skin and am forever getting stuff from the gp. I also just have 4 kids and a job and don't have the time nor the inclination to research anything. I think just because your partner does, doesn't mean all women do and makes them vain by default.

Paddley · 21/08/2018 12:47

I haven't been seen without make up since 1964.

I look better with it on, not much better these days, but still better.

YeTalkShiteHen · 21/08/2018 12:49

I wear make up on special occasions, mostly because I’m not that good at putting it on and I can’t really be arsed.

But I don’t think people who wear it every day are vain, it’s up to them what they put on their face! I had a friend at nursery who always had a full face of makeup on, proper contouring and everything. She’s actually really talented! She has absolutely zero confidence, and uses it as a mask. So the exact opposite of vain.

I sometimes wish I could be one of those really put together women, who always look amazing and seem to be managing to juggle kids, housework, laundry and looking shit hot.

But I’m not, I never will be and I’m ok with that most of the time.

YeTalkShiteHen · 21/08/2018 12:50

The friend was another Mum at nursery!

Hideandgo · 21/08/2018 12:53

I don’t think it makes you vain. It’s just sad that women need to paint themselves to be considered the best version of themselves. I personally think make up you can see doesn’t look good at all which is most make up. But you are free to do what you like. Just do give it a bit of thought as to why you are always altering your face.

TheGoddessFrigg · 21/08/2018 12:59

feel genuinely sad when I hear women say they darent leave the house without a ton of slap on their skin. I want to hug them and send them for assertiveness training!

As an ardent feminist, you can Do One with both the hug and the assertiveness training Angry. I am so fucking assertive I don't care if people call me vain. I love my make up.

CSIblonde · 21/08/2018 13:02

I wear it for same reason as you OP. Plain teen & bullied. Foundation & blusher, nothing else, for day to day, as I'd make a vampire look healthy without it. If I'm vain then so are 95% of women at work. Don't wear it if I'm at home. I can't believe women who spend an hour on it tho. Takes me 5mins if that.

supadupapupascupa · 21/08/2018 13:10

There’s makeup and then there’s makeup. Well applied, good colours, can look very natural. I think natural is like being well presented generally. On a night it’s great to highlight your features and go for a full painted face. Personally I thinking a bit odd for daytime and I probably do judge them to be a bit vain if I’m honest. But vanity isn’t the worst sin is it? Each to their own

GoblinSharts · 21/08/2018 13:12

I wear make up as my barrier and my mask. I feel vulnerable without it. I always wear it. I don’t sit staring at myself thinking how beautiful I am. It is what I choose to present to the outside world.

imnotreally · 21/08/2018 13:18

I wear it because I enjoy the artistry of it. I'm also quite happy to go out with none on.

Optimusprimesmother · 21/08/2018 13:19

There is too much pressure on women to look flawless and like the girls in magazines ect and it creates deep low self esteem when in reality we all have our shit days.

I think this is why my facebook feed is full of 35+ women using filters to enhance their photos.

There is a small rumbling of celebs going with out and baring all but I think it’s too deeply embedded in our society to look beautiful every day as I don’t want her to think being ‘pretty’ is every thing Sad

I had to stop myself from telling my dd she looked pretty the other day.

Optimusprimesmother · 21/08/2018 13:23

Oh that post got a bit jumbled in transit !

CardsforKittens · 21/08/2018 13:34

I hardly ever wear make up because I don't like the feel of it on my face. It feels slimy or dirty to me and I just end up rubbing it off. I have friends who won't leave the house without it because they prefer how they look in make up. I don't think they're vain, it's just how they want to present themselves. I have preferences too, but about the clothes I wear: jeans look good, skirts look silly on me, and I look healthy in orange but half dead in teal. I don't think about my appearance a lot, but it's not irrelevant to me.

I do think there are some feminist questions about the assumption that women look more polished or professional in make up, but that's not really about vanity. And I have more pressing concerns, such as the rate at which men kill women.

Paddley · 21/08/2018 14:01

Does being an ardent feminist mean that you don't enhance your appearance in any way? Genuine question.

JustTheLemons · 21/08/2018 14:16

I’m a bit vain Blush if I’m being honest with myself, and I rarely wear makeup.

Makeup has nothing to do with vanity and everything to do with preference.

CardsforKittens · 21/08/2018 14:32

Does being an ardent feminist mean that you don't enhance your appearance in any way? Genuine question.

I can't speak for all ardent feminists, but for me it means I'm not interested in people's assessments of my attractiveness. I'm a middle aged woman and I probably put as much effort into my appearance as the average middle aged man - or possibly less. I get my hair cut when it needs it, I buy clothes from time to time, I choose clothes for work that are comfortable and appropriate, and I almost never wear heels or make up. I don't usually bother to shave anywhere unless I feel being hairy would draw attention to me (e.g. if I wear a dress to someone's wedding).

But that's my preference and I wouldn't judge other people for making different choices about it. I'm quite judgy about other things though!

littlepeas · 21/08/2018 14:38

I’m not sure whether I should respond to this as I am very vain and know it Blush. I wear at least a small amount of make up every day, even if I’m not really leaving the house - I have awful skin and feel significantly better with it. But I’m under no illusion that it is because I care about how I look - to myself in the mirror and to others. When I was younger, I quite merrily ran about with no make up on but I had much better skin in my teens and 20’s than I do now.

apriljune12 · 21/08/2018 14:51

I think you are mad to take anybody else’s opinion on board.

Your face please yourself.