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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH wants to go on a cruise

38 replies

CupofTeaPleaseeee · 21/08/2018 08:21

So DH and I are working out asses off trying to pay the car off and get a deposit for a house. I just saw that his friend wants him to go on a party cruise early next year which looks like departs from the other side of the world! It will cost thousands. To give a bit more info, we earn a good wage but we are still miles off from our goal.

DH works hard (hell, so do I) and I dont begrudge him a treat but this seems a little OTT and a bit selfish considering we want to get ourselves set up. I dont even splurge on clothes or makeup. I wouldn't mind if it was just a weekend away

What do you think? I'm at work and haven't Had a chance for him to discuss it with me. I saw he wrote that he wants to go.
I have OCD and an anxiety disorder so sometimes I cant tell if I'm BU or not.

Also, should I mention it or wait for him to bring it up?

OP posts:
Biologifemini · 21/08/2018 08:24

Tell him they are polluting as hell and if you get on a boat with a load of antisocial nutters there isn’t much you can do about it.

Jupiter9 · 21/08/2018 08:25

Pay off car, deposit for a house and then holidays. I agree with you. Good luck.

Aprilshowersinaugust · 21/08/2018 08:28

Tell him you would be concerned one of you would fall off...

Original poster
CupofTeaPleaseeee · 21/08/2018 08:29

That makes me feel better.
Hes got form for agreeing to plans or discussing plans without me. I usually dont care because they arent this expensive. Also I had a look, it seems this is more of a "singles" cruise. Lots of bikini clad dancers.

Maybe I'm just old fashioned but I wouldn't feel comfortable going on a cruise with a friend surrounded by half naked men dancing.
Again, high chance I'm BU there haha

OP posts:
Original poster
CupofTeaPleaseeee · 21/08/2018 08:29

Haha April I dont think he'd be able to float for 10 hoursGrin

OP posts:
Tentomidnight · 21/08/2018 08:32

YANBU!
Money aside, that sort of holiday is not one that most married people would want to go on.

smerlin · 21/08/2018 08:33

YANBU- completely unreasonable to expect to go on a singles cruise when you are in a relationship and unreasonable to want to spend so much money when you don't have it spare!

Bluelady · 21/08/2018 08:35

Why on earth not? Does marriage suddenly turn you into a different person? The money's the issue here.

MagicFajita · 21/08/2018 08:35

I may be wrong here but are you sure that the two of you want the same things? He's planning an expensive singles cruise and you're planning to save for a house.

I think the two of you need to work out what's going on here.

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 21/08/2018 08:35

There are plenty of fab cruises leaving from Southampton... Saw a P&O one last nights for 600+£...going down to Portugal ports /med etc
Why not party on that.??

Original poster
CupofTeaPleaseeee · 21/08/2018 08:36

I most certainly wouldn't want to go on it. Mind you I cant drink to excess (health issue, I can have a couple however).

I told him years ago when we first met that I wasnt into the party scene and he never really has, we've gone to a few concerts but nothing like this! I might sound horrible here but I dont feel comfortable with lots of half naked women around him. I trust him a lot but again because of my MH and past relationships I can't trust 100%.

I'm getting help. I'm waiting for a call back from a psychologist so I can get through all this bullshit Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
CupofTeaPleaseeee · 21/08/2018 08:37

Iamthedevils we live in Australia, so any cruise leaving that side of the world will be very expensive. Also, we went on a cruise at the beginning of the year

OP posts:
Original poster
CupofTeaPleaseeee · 21/08/2018 08:38

I'm beginning to feel like a horrible person saying all that, hes a lovely husband, I just dont trust others.
I sound like a right nutter

OP posts:
pigeondujour · 21/08/2018 08:39

Are you sure he hasn't just said "sounds great" to his friend with no intention of going? Talk to him about it before getting upset.

Singlenotsingle · 21/08/2018 08:40

So who's going to pay for this poncy cruise then? Cruises cost thousands! Totally selfish. (Some woman apparently jumped off the boat yesterday in Croatia after getting drunk!) And I think you need to say something before he goes ahead and books it without telling you.

Original poster
CupofTeaPleaseeee · 21/08/2018 08:44

He told his friend to get back to him about dates and prices. He wouldn't just book it but the fact hes asking for this info before discussing it is bothering me

OP posts:
LeftRightCentre · 21/08/2018 08:57

YANBU and I say this as someone who loves cruising.

OliviaStabler · 21/08/2018 09:02

A cruise can be a great holiday but it depends on the cruise line, what ship you go on and the theme of the cruise (if there is one).

I wouldn't be splashing that much cash while you still have large items to pay off.

Leavemenowornever · 21/08/2018 09:03

You don't sound unreasonable at all.

MysteriousQuinn · 21/08/2018 09:03

YANBU you can't afford it right now. And I think yadnbu about the bikini clad women. There is zero jealousy and 100% trust in my marriage but if DH said he wanted to go on a singles cruise then I'd be worried. I just can't imagine him wanting to do something like that, it's very innapropriate.

EmUntitled · 21/08/2018 09:15

YANBU if you are both working hard to save for a house. If you have money to spare for a holiday it should be for both of you, not just him.

CressidaEgg · 21/08/2018 09:16

See this is why some Older folk roll their eyes at The Young who complain about not being able to get on the property ladder but blow £££ on a cruise with the lads

YANBU

Original poster
CupofTeaPleaseeee · 21/08/2018 09:19

It's not called a singles cruise, but in the advertisement it looks like a massive piss up.
Glad I'm NBU about the women either. Should I mention it tonight when I get home from work? Or wait for him to bring it up?

OP posts:
FASH84 · 21/08/2018 09:26

So he hasn't actually agreed to go, he may well be planning to use the dates or price as an excuse not to go rather than just shoot his friend down with 'I don't do things like that anymore'. Anyone who goes on cruises is unreasonable in my book , floating diarrhea and vomiting filled prisons of control, I don't want to be told I've got six hours in a location, I'd rather plan my own day thanks. However it sounds like he's not actually done anything. If you're seeking a psychiatrist's help with this, it sounds like this is a bigger issue than a cruise and positive that you have access to mental health support.

Santaclarita · 21/08/2018 09:28

Mention it and ask why he is planning on going and not trying to save money for a house. He is being unreasonable, you can't have both unless you're earning a hell of a lot.

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