DH wants to go on a cruise

[CupofTeaPleaseeee]

So DH and I are working out asses off trying to pay the car off and get a deposit for a house. I just saw that his friend wants him to go on a party cruise early next year which looks like departs from the other side of the world! It will cost thousands. To give a bit more info, we earn a good wage but we are still miles off from our goal.

DH works hard (hell, so do I) and I dont begrudge him a treat but this seems a little OTT and a bit selfish considering we want to get ourselves set up. I dont even splurge on clothes or makeup. I wouldn't mind if it was just a weekend away

What do you think? I'm at work and haven't Had a chance for him to discuss it with me. I saw he wrote that he wants to go.
I have OCD and an anxiety disorder so sometimes I cant tell if I'm BU or not.

Also, should I mention it or wait for him to bring it up?

You need to have a discussion about finances and ask him why he wants to spend money on this instead of saving with you. Suggest he does a smaller trip.

Fash the only thing is if he wasnt interested hed just say. He has no problems telling people yes or no

I have problems focusing and spiraling with issues that pop up, that's what the MH help is for

Op , he's not unreasonable for wanting to go on holiday. You're not unreasonable for wanting to save for a house. These issues are part of the bigger picture though.

Does he genuinely want to buy a house? Are your financial approaches similar enough to have a happy relationship? Will you be saving while he splurges and does he have form for this?

These are the important questions. Don't be afraid to ask and answer them.

See this is why some Older folk roll their eyes at The Young who complain about not being able to get on the property ladder but blow £££ on a cruise with the lads

And comments like this from the older generations, whose houses cost 2.5 times more than their wages rather than 8-13 times more, make the young roll their eyes. I don’t know anybody who blows their cash on cruises and yet most still don’t own homes.

Yes he definitely does want to buy a house, hes excited about starting a family too. In fact we have both been taking extra shifts to save for this house. He wanted to go to the city with his friend, watch the game and have some drinks which would have been fine.

Before we started dating we both told each other what our goals are, they are house and family. And we turned our honeymoon to Germany into something much smaller to save money - his idea

Don't buy a house or have children with a man you don't trust. Not because he is untrustworthy but because you can't trust him. You'll both be miserable and so will your children. Sort yourself out before you make such a huge commitment. Not trusting him to even be in the presence of other women is not good for either of you. Flip it the other way round and you'd be being told to ltb.

Book yourself a lovely singles cruise too OP and go on your own just like he is .

Flying it's hard to explain. I could leave him in a room with a naked women and I trust he wont do anything, but when my mind spirals to a dark place I think the worst. It's not him at all, it's me. I'm getting help to stop the spiraling.

I think it stems from a past relationship. We were engaged, I was pregnant then I found out he was cheating on me. It was fucking horrible, I was completely blind sided

How did you know he wants to go? Have you talked about it (in which case-you have presumably told him how you feel?) or have you read an email-in which case you say that you’ve seen an email you want to talk about!

Hadn't realised you were in Oz wheb I suggested the Southampton cruise.. Assumed you were UK-based

I saw his friend put up a post on Facebook, which he commented on

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable either about the money or the type of holiday. Why would a man in a settled happy relationship want to go on a singles type cruise? It’s like saying it’s ok to go to a singles night in a bar. If you’re not single, you don’t belong and it’s hardly fair to the singles who might be looking to meet people who are free to start a relationship etc

Op doesn't need to 'sort herself out'. Her reaction is perfectly reasonable. What grown married man tries to organise a party cruise without talking to his wife, and spend money they're saving for other things?! It's weird behaviour. Particularly when the op has said they downgraded their own honeymoon to save.