Weekend away

[househunthappening]

Not really AIBU but posted in WWYD and could do with the traffic over here.

PIL have booked a weekend away approx 4 hours away in a months' time. PIL, SIL and her bf, DH and I and DS (will be 13 months by then). Hotel for 2 nights, dinner and breakfast in the hotel. Cot in our room for DS.

DS is not too bad with sleep at home but whenever we have been away he is terrible overnight. Having said that he's been going through a really bad phase at the moment, takes a few hours to get him to sleep then he wakes up crying inconsolably and we have to settle him and put him back in his room. He won't settle in our bed even if we try.

I don't think the weekend has been very well planned for DS. I am not the sort of person who expects everything to revolve around my cold, but we have done this sort of thing with PIL before and it has always been hard work. For example, I will probably have to skip the dinner and stay in the room with DS for the evening because it will be too late for him to stay up and even if he did, it will be a fancy restaurant in the hotel which is not suitable for a toddler. Last time we did this when DS was a newborn he wasn't allowed in the restaurant, which was fair enough but PIL don't really seem to think these things through.

We had a bad night last night and DH and I were discussing how hard it will be with DS in the same hotel room as us. We have asked PIL about cancelling but because it's a Groupon deal they will loose all of then money.

Would you go, knowing it will most likely be a disaster with a grumpy toddler and no sleep? Or stay at home and PIL will have to loose the money?

Leaving DS at home with someone else isn't really an option because the whole point of the weekend is for us all to be together as we don't see SIL and her bf very often.

I'm 4/5 weeks pregnant and feeling knackered and nauseous, nothing terrible but the usual first trimester stuff. I'll be about 9 weeks by then so don't really want to explain why I'm not in top form, not drinking etc, but also no real excuse for feeing crap.

The time to say “no thanks” was before it was booked!

Tricky. If they are nice people I would probably go then you and DS stay in the hotel room while others go for dinner and you can get takeaway. After dinner DH can stay up and try and wrangle DS to bed. I'm assuming a babysitter in the hotel room while you eat dinner isn't an option?

@Sirzy I totally agree except I wasn't asked!

In fact, when we last went away (uni friends wedding, so we sort of had to) I said to DH in the way back that it has made me very reluctant to go away for a while and that if his Dad was planning on this trip again we'd have to seriously think about how it would work. The next thing I know it's booked!

If you don't go then you need to pay for the hotel. It's not fair for others to lose out financially because you changed your mind.

@Bombardier25966 yep I'd agree with that except I wasn't asked about going on the trip, it was just booked.

Sorry I should have said that in my OP, my mistake.

Go. Take a good book. Chill out in the room and don’t worry about the dinner.

As it’s a month away, I’d see how DC is then and also how you feel. If you think that he wouldn’t cope very well or if you’re feeling rotten (I couldn’t have done the journey easily in my last pregnancy because of sickness!) then just your DH could go. Circumstances change and whilst unfortunate, no point making yourself or DC unhappy.

pay your share of the deal and let them go without you/dh/dc

Was your dh asked though? Why did he agree to it?

It's rubbish but these are the sort of things you have to just suck up when your kids are little IMO. If you really don't want to go then don't but answering as a WWYD I would go and just try to make the best of it.

@househunthappening i would still go. You need to try and find a routine with baby when you go away otherwise you'll be stuck at home.

From when our LO was about 6 weeks old we've gone out/or to friends house for evening, and put her to sleep on their bed or in cot etc to get her used to going to sleep elsewhere

I'd go but ask that you can have a nice lunch together - then dinner is not such a big deal and you can grab something early then excuse yourself. Presumably there will be other activities over the weekend away - visiting somewhere for example?

I'm not bothered about not going. SIL is hard work and whilst it's obviously not about that I won't exactly be upset about not going.

If it was in a holiday cottage or something that might be a bit more child friendly I'd get on with it and just try to make the most of it and enjoy it. The idea of being stuck in a hotel room with a crying baby during the night just doesn't particularly entice me.

I feel bad about them loosing the money though. I'm not sure whether DH was asked, I need to double check. You're right that that makes a big difference.

The reason this has come about is because last year was MIL's 60th. DS was still fairly tiny then and because it was a special occasion we just did it. I didn't realise then it was going to become an annual thing!

Was your husband asked?

I don't understand who books a weekend away for other people without checking whether those people are free on that weekend and want to go?

What if you said you had a pre-existing commitment for that weekend? What would they do then?

If your husband was consulted then it is his fault for saying yes without running it past you first.

(Oh and if he wasn't asked, you are under no obligation to go. Let them lose their money. That'll teach them to organise things involving you without, erm, involving you.)

@Lazypuppy you're right that we should have got him used to sleeping elsewhere.

If we go, does anyone have any tips that might help?

Why don't you go and its really awful after the first night come home again? What hotel restaurants won't let a 13 month old in? I've never come across that before. And at 13 months your ds can stay up a bit later to have dinner with you all surely? If his routine is going to be interrupted anyway by being away he may as well be awake enjoying dinner than be awake staring at the walls in your hotel room.

@EthelThePiratesDaughter you are right and I have a horrible suspicion he is going to tel me he was asked, even though I expressed my concerns after the last time we went away.

There has already been a bit of a hiccup because my MIL told my DH to bring the baby monitor so we can leave DS asleep in the room while we have dinner. I have set he record straight on that and said it won't be happening - I'm not comfortable doing that, and even if I was he probably won't sleep and the monitor won't work that far anyway.

So in view of that I am feeling a bit miffed that I was 'told' to leave DS in a room on his own in a strange place, but I'm trying not to be awkward about it all and make life difficult. DH has suggested we might not be able to come and they say they understand (over text, they're way atm), but it will be one of those situations where they have said they don't mind and then there will be passive aggressive comments for MIL to make me feel bad!

@Myotherusernameisbest the last place just said no babies or children allowed in their restaurant. In the end they found us a separate dining room but when I walked through the restaurant to go to the loo I saw how fancy it was and agreed that it was not place for a toddler dropping food from its high chair!

If I thought he would sit there and enjoy it that would be fine, but in truth he'll be knackered and grumpy so he won't enjoy it and neither will I because I'll be worried about him spoiling other people's evenings.

I have taken dc of young age abroad in a hotel many times.
As it was me at home who settled them I sent dh down to the bar while I did the usual bedtime routine.
Once they had dropped off we had room service sent up!
Another time did the bedtime routine then put dc in the buggy and walked to the restaurant (not in hotel), dc asleep by the time we got there, buggy at the table no issue (Milan).
Take all props needed for bedtime!!

Why not just go and make the most of it for what it is? - why not look into seeing whether the hotel can provide a babysitter? Look on it as being nice for your DH to be able to spend time with his family.

My family have form for this. Late dinners, long lunches mid-afternoon no idea that sitting at a dinner table with a baby/toddler/pre-schooler for hours on end is no-ones idea of fun.

Generally arranged by Aunts whose children doesn't have children yet and I think have entirely forgotten that small children work on different schedules.

I've said no to some things, put rules around others (maybe suggest lunch instead of dinner) and put up with some. It's crap though.

I'd go, take a good book (or maybe 2 if it's for several nights) and lots of . I'm be much happier with that + room service than i would sat around at some fancy dinner with people I wasn't that keen on.

Or DH goes on his own and you stay home with your LO? Esp if he WAS asked first and DID say yes.

@WinterBabyIsComing you have hit the nail on the head exactly. It's the general expectation that DS will just slit in around their plans. They seem to have no concept that dinner in a fancy hotel restaurant at 8:30pm just doesn't suit.

As I said I absolutely don't expect them to plan everything around my DS, but they are always complaining about not seeing him enough (they can see our house from their house) and then expect him to attend completely inappropriate trips so they can spend family time with him.

*slot