Weekend away

[househunthappening]

Not really AIBU but posted in WWYD and could do with the traffic over here.

PIL have booked a weekend away approx 4 hours away in a months' time. PIL, SIL and her bf, DH and I and DS (will be 13 months by then). Hotel for 2 nights, dinner and breakfast in the hotel. Cot in our room for DS.

DS is not too bad with sleep at home but whenever we have been away he is terrible overnight. Having said that he's been going through a really bad phase at the moment, takes a few hours to get him to sleep then he wakes up crying inconsolably and we have to settle him and put him back in his room. He won't settle in our bed even if we try.

I don't think the weekend has been very well planned for DS. I am not the sort of person who expects everything to revolve around my cold, but we have done this sort of thing with PIL before and it has always been hard work. For example, I will probably have to skip the dinner and stay in the room with DS for the evening because it will be too late for him to stay up and even if he did, it will be a fancy restaurant in the hotel which is not suitable for a toddler. Last time we did this when DS was a newborn he wasn't allowed in the restaurant, which was fair enough but PIL don't really seem to think these things through.

We had a bad night last night and DH and I were discussing how hard it will be with DS in the same hotel room as us. We have asked PIL about cancelling but because it's a Groupon deal they will loose all of then money.

Would you go, knowing it will most likely be a disaster with a grumpy toddler and no sleep? Or stay at home and PIL will have to loose the money?

Leaving DS at home with someone else isn't really an option because the whole point of the weekend is for us all to be together as we don't see SIL and her bf very often.

I'm 4/5 weeks pregnant and feeling knackered and nauseous, nothing terrible but the usual first trimester stuff. I'll be about 9 weeks by then so don't really want to explain why I'm not in top form, not drinking etc, but also no real excuse for feeing crap.

I don't think I would go. It's 8 hours in a car with a toddler who can't eat with you and won't sleep. When you're already feeling poor. If you're booking a weekend for a small number of people it isn't that hard to take everyone's needs into account. Even before I had kids and was a bit clueless, id not have met friends with kids in a fancy hotel and expected them to take a monitor. Have they never heard of the McCans!? I'd tell your husband to go if he likes (especially if he agreed to it) but sit this one out. In all honesty it doesn't sound like their bothered about seeing your kid anyway. And it's really hard to 'get them used' to sleeping in different places unless you can go away every couple of weeks!

There has already been a bit of a hiccup because my MIL told my DH to bring the baby monitor so we can leave DS asleep in the room while we have dinner. I have set he record straight on that and said it won't be happening - I'm not comfortable doing that, and even if I was he probably won't sleep and the monitor won't work that far anyway.

When my two were small we went to DMs 60th birthday in a posh hotel. All of my sisters were there (I have lots) and they had 13 older teens between them (teens weren't invited). They laughed at me and tried to make me feel like I was silly for not using a listening service, made out that I was being precious or paranoid. I laughed along with them and told them to carry on as much as they wanted but I still wasn't doing it. They got fed up in the end and I had two of their teenagers babysitting in the room for me.

It matters not what other people say or feel. Decide what you are doing and do it. Be assertive but polite and just get on with it. Only you can make you feel bad.

Go, make the best of it.

Take your kindle, chill with DS in htr evening and order room service. DH can do the dinner and you can all join the rest of the weekend all together.

Move your dinner reservation earlier so you can take dc

Take it in turns If you want to pop Down for drinks after their Dinner.

I'm pretty sure one of you agreed to it at some point and they didn't just book it.

They did book a week in Croatia for us all without asking! They do have form!

You must have very flexible employers

Wow

I know! Major first world problem I know, but I go to Ascot every year - it is my ultimate favourite couple of days of the year, I go with friends I don't see for the rest of the year, I don't go away often and I absolutely love it, it's my treat of the year. Of course the week they booked it clashed and I missed it!

If someone booked something for me, without asking me and the whole thing just didn't work for me, I would feel no obligation whatsoever to turn up. In our family events, we flex as the next generation of LOs come along, have lunch and find places with play parks so they can burn off some energy.

Later, when the youngest are teens, we go back to fancy dinners. Why would family not try to accommodate you. Why would you 'suck it up' so there is no opportunity for them to learn what makes a successful family event.

See how you go closer to the event, if you feel up to it go, otherwise stay at home.

I've asked DH and he can't remember what was said so that's that.

I think we'll just have to wait until a bit nearer the time and see how things are going. We've just had an hour of tantrums getting DS to bed, which is actually an improvement, but I couldn't have stood it if I couldn't leave the room periodically.

At least if we don't go it will make them think twice about checking with us first.

I think you probably have to go now. It won’t be great but it’s just a couple of nights.

At least if we don't go it will make them think twice about checking with us first.

This ^ or a lifetime of fitting in with holidays arranged without consideration for you and your family.

You choose.

I have done the hotel room with a difficult toddler. Don't do it!!! It is so, so miserable.

Tell your dh to go, tell the in laws you're not up for it. And make sure your dh gives you a day and night off when he gets back.

Is there any chance you could pay to upgrade to a bigger room? Just thinking that it'd be easier in an apartment than a hotel room, so maybe a suite would be better? Depending on the hotel it might not be prohibitively expensive?

(It does sound like hell in general though...)

How about asking the hotel to organise a baby-sitter for the evening of the dinner. Gives a nice night off with your OH.

See how the pregnancy goes too. I would absolutely not be well enough to even contemplate doing that at 9 weeks.

I think you are over-thinking. Go and get what you can out of it socially. Be prepared to eat in your room if necessary.

I took mine to hotels/abroad from an early age and went with the flow (dc4's trip to NY at 5 weeks was not her first hotel stay). Personally, I'd embrace it. Of course you can take your baby to dinner. If it screams/cries move it straight away.

I've asked DH and he can't remember what was said so that's that

Chinny reckon

I think dh should take ds and you stay at home and relax. That might focus his mind next time he's asked to consider you!

If you think they might have booked without asking either of you then I'd have no qualms about just not going. They need to learn to ask you if they want you to come and not just presume that you'll roll over and go along with whatever they arrange as a done deal even when it doesn't work for you