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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To sleep with my baby in my arms?

81 replies

Icantgetnosleep000 · 20/08/2018 09:09

Ultimately I know it's my choice and I like doing it, but I worry (rods for back etc)

The situation is that my 10 month old DS is a fairly good sleeper. Will spend extended periods of time happily in cot. He's also not so great in other ways- can sonetimes (not always) really fight naps etc. I guess I worry that I'm influencing this.

Most days I BF him to sleep if home. It's just nice and fits in with two naps he now has.

I'll invariably be on rocking chair in his room (and on MN), and sometimes I just don't put him down!

It's so nice looking at his little face and frankly I don't always want to start the shush pat in cot and also cut the nap short

I just get a small sense of guilt in doing so - as if I'm not making progress that day (helping him nap well on own). And I say to myself, it's ok for a little while longer. Mum guilt Blush AIBU?

OP posts:
DeepfriedPizza · 20/08/2018 09:54

We did this with my DD. she napped in arms until 13 months. Cuddled to sleep for much longer. We lay with her to fall asleep until much older (maybe 4) then she started taking herself off to bed when she felt tired and now she is 8. We have never had any arguments about her going to bed.

ZanyMobster · 20/08/2018 09:57

It is absolutely lovely however I did this with DS1 and as a result he could never get himself back to sleep if he ever stirred as he was so used to being cuddled and rocked to sleep. It resulted in us having to sleep train at 18 months which was awful.

We didn't do this with DS2 and he was amazing at self soothing. He still had plenty of cuddles and rocking but we made sure he was awake when we put him in his cot. It was actually loads less stressful as he was happy to be put down whereas with DS1 it was a nightmare.

RiseYeSunkenShips · 20/08/2018 09:58

I'd keep doing it so long as it's safe!

My DD is 19 months old now, we coslept (by accident at first but then properly once we figured out it was the easiest thing), and she often napped in my arms when she was younger as it's the only way she would sleep and I could get a nap too, at 19 months now when she falls asleep I cuddle her for a bit and then transfer her to her cot so I can get on with bits and bobs, and at night we gradually started moving her across to her cot - it did take a while for her to get used to it, coming back into our bed in the middle of the night etc but she sleeps so well now, rarely wakes up at night unless she's poorly and gets a good solid night sleep most of the time. (it can be a struggle getting her to sleep sometimes as she is very energetic but we go for a walk in the sling and that works 9 times out of 10). We've never done any sleep training, she is on a bit of a later schedule than most babies i know, going to sleep between 9-10pm but not waking till around 8am which is fine with me! :)

Goldmandra · 20/08/2018 09:59

it goes against sleep training. they need to self soothe.

Rubbish.

They need to be cuddled. You enjoy it for a reason. You're meeting your baby's needs and your own.

Make the most of it.

One of the best bits of being s childminder for me was getting to do this for other people's babies once my own were bigger. It was good for them, good for relationship building and guilt-free sitting down time for me.

You cannot make a rod for your own back by giving a baby what he needs.

FWIW my DD1 has issues as a new-born which meant she couldn't be put down at all for the first month. Once that was resolved, she was perfectly happy to sleep in a crib.

Ignore the sleep-training, rod-for-your-own-back brigade. They are just don't ill-informed about babies and their brain development.

ZanyMobster · 20/08/2018 09:59

We would still have cuddles in the day time and sometimes DS2 would doze off so it's not like we never did it. Just to be clear we did not ever sleep train DS2, we just put him to bed awake from day 1 so it's all he ever knew. No drama.

rainbowstardrops · 20/08/2018 10:04

My DS would only nap in his cot or his pram for about half an hour but if I cuddled him to sleep, he'd nap for ages.
My dad used to tell me I was making a rod for now own back but DS is now 18 and sleeps perfectly well on his own Grin
They're little for such a short time

rainbowstardrops · 20/08/2018 10:05

*for.
Not now Confused

rainbowstardrops · 20/08/2018 10:06

MY!!!! Ffs what is wrong with me Sad

MrSlant · 20/08/2018 10:12

I did this once I'd taken the rod out of my arse when I got a bit lazier as a parent with DS3. Out of my children he was the most contented and best sleeping baby and I look back now and am so glad I did. Mine are leaving home now and if I could go back I would do the same for all of them, until they fought me to be put down!

Snuggle that baby and enjoy it's soft breath and beautiful round sleepy cheeks for one day it will be giant and get BO and you'll love it just as much but the cuddles sure as hell won't be the same.

Storm4star · 20/08/2018 10:15

I'd say it's fine as long as you definitely won't fall asleep yourself. It happened to me once with my DD. I dozed off and when I woke up she'd fallen on the floor! Luckily she was fine but I didn't risk it again after that!

MadeForThis · 20/08/2018 10:17

Did this for every nap for dd1. She's now 2.10 and sleeps in her own bed Couple of stories and a cuddle and she'll happily sleep through the night.

Now doing it with dd2 7mths.

Love the closeness and the cuddles. It's also a bit of guaranteed down time. Either nap too or relax an MN.

They are tiny for such a short time. Enjoy every second of its what you want.

noeffingidea · 20/08/2018 10:19

It's entirely up to you, OP. Personally I would have hated it so I never did it, but if you like doing it that way then carry on.

SteviaStephanie · 20/08/2018 10:23

So long as you don’t fall asleep yourself, I would enjoy it!

If you’re likely to doze off, put him somewhere safe, as Co-sleeping in a chair/on a sofa is sadly not safe at his age. If you’re staying awake no problem with a ten month old, I admire and envy you Grin

PinkAvocado · 20/08/2018 10:26

Enjoy it.

As for it ‘going against sleep training’ ... Hmm

fedup2017 · 20/08/2018 10:29

Yanbu.
My eldest was like this ..... I was worried about all the" rod for my back" comments. In fact until he was 4 or so he would fall asleep being cuddled far better than by himself.
I can report he is now 15. Sleeps fine. Doesn't still need to be cuddled to sleep (and would be a little bit horrified by the idea). It goes so quick! Enjoy every minute

ChocolateChipMuffin2016 · 20/08/2018 10:30

I do it with my 22 month old sometime still! I love it, I can put him down if I want to, he sleeps well in his cot, but sometimes its nice to just let him sleep on my chest, as long as hes comfy and I have access to tea and the remote all is well in the world. I know at some point he wont want me to cuddle him like that anymore (hopefully only when he turns 30!) so I am getting as much in as I possibly can!

Bubbinsmakesthree · 20/08/2018 10:32

I'm just enjoying a little snuggle with 16mo DS after having rocked him to sleep. He is learning to self soothe but in his own time, we've not forced the issue.

Second time around for me and I am now firmly in the 'enjoy the cuddles while you can' brigade!

Rufffles · 20/08/2018 10:41

I'm doing this right now with my snuggly 6 month old. I'm constantly reading and hearing about how I should be putting him down to nap - and I sometimes do - but I much prefer snuggling up, and clearly so does he. I'll never know whether it's been a good or bad thing, so I'm just doing what feel right right now. And it's lovely.

FruitOnAPlatter · 20/08/2018 10:43

YANBU - DS1 spent most of his life strapped to me or DP in a mei tai, and we co-slept because he was a fussy one, DS2 the same, because now I had a toddler and had stuff to get done - although he didn't cosleep as long because he moved into his brother when he weaned himself.

They both sleep fine now.

Eatmycheese · 20/08/2018 10:45

Sat here doing this right now too with my third aged nine months.
The best part of my day, stroking his little chubby cheeks and old man whispy hair will the other two destroy the garden.
It’s so special
Just enjoy it because it really doesn’t last so long

Oysterbabe · 20/08/2018 10:46

I did this with PFB, she wouldn't be put down anyway. Not an option with DC2 and he doesn't want to, he likes sprawling in his cot not being snuggled up.

shatteredmama · 20/08/2018 10:47

You carry on as you are! Spend as much time as you possibly can cuddling and enjoy every single minute of it. Tis a cliche but they really do grow up fast, I'd love to be able to go back in time to enjoy holding, sniffing and snuggling my dd again when she was that age.

Personally I don't think it affects their sleeping habits later on and stuff the housework etc, it's not important, you'll never look back and wish the house had been cleaner.

Sleepyblueocean · 20/08/2018 10:47

I did this for most nap times with ds. Sometimes I would hold him the whole time and others I would put him down in his travel cot after a while. He hated been held when properly awake so it was about the only time I got to hold him. I have lovely memories of that time.

meadowmeow · 20/08/2018 10:49

it goes against sleep training. they need to self soothe.

Why?

HavelockVetinari · 20/08/2018 10:56

I love doing this! Sometimes I decant DS into his cot once he's asleep but other times I just sit with him curled up on the sofa and stroke his lovely soft curls and smile at his little button nose Blush

They're only tiny for such a short amount of time, enjoy it while it lasts.

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