To be secretly excited to move out of my toxic home?

[Scuzzlet]

I’m mid 20s and I currently live with my mum, Dad and golden child, prodigal son amazing can do no wrong teen brother.

Myself and OH have just bought a lovely house about 20 minutes away. I just really can’t wait to get away from them. All my life they have made me feel second best, not good enough, and all my achievements or causes for celebration have always been rubbished or played down.

They always dwell on the negatives of things and make me feel shit when I’m excited or proud of something and they pull it to bits or just generally don’t make the effort to sound enthusiastic. I feel like they have a downer on me because I never went to university and didn’t come out of school with all A’s (I got B’s and C’s and still got into sixth form).. now I work full time and get paid a decent wage.

It also grates on me how my brother has had a trust fund since he was born and they have added to it constantly yet they have never done anything of the sort for me. I don’t think they will even get us a housewarming present. Not even a plate or a set of mugs.

AIBU to feel bad because I love them but be relieved to be leaving them? They’ve never let my boyfriend come and stay even though we have been together 2 years and used to ridicule me because I stayed at his mam’s house every Saturday for convenience .. “erghhh, does his mother let you stay there?” We kind of dont have a choice but thanks .. not everything has to be seedy.

I just can’t wait for our own space! And to finally be happy without always feeling like a failure or like I can never take credit for things. Sorry if this is long.

Give me some house cleaning tips because I can’t wait to get in and disinfect the place! X

How nice of them to erase all traces of your shitty toxic relationship with them - truly a great reason to make a fresh start!

Enjoy this new exciting chapter of your life.

It also grates on me how my brother has had a trust fund since he was born and they have added to it constantly yet they have never done anything of the sort for me.

Wow! What is their justification for that? At least you realise it's about them not you. Congratulations on the new house. I wouldn't spare them a second thought!

You’ve lived with them a long time given you describe them as ‘toxic’.

Thank you! I just can’t wait to relax and enjoy our own space .. for me it feels like the start of the rest of my life.

For those asking what their justification is for the trust fund or what they have to say when I’ve brought it up, they say that it’s because it was set up when he was born (Tony Blair government 2002) but they’ve constantly added to it! And brag that he will be able to buy his own car, or put a deposit down on a house while I have never been able to do that. When I have mentioned it in the past they just laugh and think it’s funny that I’m “jealous”....

disclosingshite yes I know that, I’ve never had a real proper reason to move out until next until now: I.e loving partner who happens to be able to pay half the deposit, real full time secure job, and it also seems they’ve become more of a thorn in my side since I met my partner and actually had a chance to be happy.

Ignore them.

Heres what to do instead. Treat yourself. Pay a cleaner and get a bottle of rum. The good kind. Put your feet up, grab a glass and enjoy being in YOUR home.

Well done on getting on the property ladder. Let the prodigal son be a distant memory.

Congratulations OP, in a nutshell fuck them. Look at what you've achieved despite their pettiness. My first property was only a flat, but I bought it on my own and loved it. My tip is zoflora, love the stuff, the fresh linen is nice and I like one of the floral ones, can't remember what it's called something bouquet I think, the lavender was a bit old lady's knickers for me. Great for disinfecting, wiping down skirting, mopping kitchen floors, put some on cotton balls inside the hoover bag so every time you hoover you get a nice fresh smell. Also essential oils on cotton wool balls (my favourite is sandal wood but whatever you like best) behind the radiators in winter, so when the heating kicks in you get a lovely warm homey fragrance when you walk in the door. Enjoy your new home and your brilliant achievement.

If you can find it in your heart (you sound like a lovely generous person) don't be too jealous of the "golden child". One of my dearest friends is definitely not, although she wasn't bitter about it, but her golden sibling came seriously adrift when the parents died and she had to fend for herself emotionally.
As a previous poster has said, the best revenge is a life lived well. How much greater the delight must be, knowing that your first little home is established without any obligation to them.
Your parents may even find your indifference a bit unsettling, while your brother may find it all a little suffocating without you there as a foil to their favouritism.

Oh one of those 'trust funds' - you made it sound like he was coming into millions and a National Trust property, not a couple of hundred quid..

Still more than the OP has.

Your parents sound horrid! 2 of my DC got those vouchers so we gave the other DC the same yeah it's only £250 plus pathetic interest but it's the principle. No doubt they have added to his plenty...

Still I reckon he will still be stuck with them well into his 30/40s

I think they sound like arseholes but just the same OP is living with them. Toxic?