To ignore a woman who offered her help...then turned her back

[AuntyJackiesBrothersSistersBoy]

I have a disabled son. He’s had a tough time of it pretty much all his life. The stress of it is terrible and seemingly endless.

Two years ago, I was on a car park sitting, minding my own business as it were, having a proper cry. There was a knock on the window and I was embarrassed to see a woman who I hardly know but whose son was at the same school. We chatted briefly and she said if there was anything she could do to help, ring her (she gave me her mobile number). So, I did. I wanted to know if she could point me in the direction of an art psychology person who (then) worked with kids. She went on to ignore me and finally, block me on her phone.

I saw her yesterday, and she smiled at me and said “hi”. I just looked beyond her and carried on walking. She has, in the recent past seen me and crossed over the street.

Was I unreasonable to blank her? You see, I have struggled for years, putting on a brave face and smiling through it all. The day she saw me in the car, I would never have explained my distress to her because I always think people have enough going on in their own lives, without any one else’s woes. But, she got the bare bones of my situation because she asked. And then I felt like a social pariah and really embarrassed.

I just felt what she did was kind. Then she took it all back.

Oops, should say...I was in my car sitting on a car park.

why would she block you on her phone just because you asked her for somebody’s number?! surely there’s more to it than that...

I think you are absolutely within your rights to ignore her completely.

She did something very strange. Don't worry about it and don't put any pressure on yourself. You have enough to deal with.

Guilty not as far as I know. There could be no earthly reason for her doing so. I lead a quiet life and as I say, keep myself (my worries) to myself. Other friends comment that I amaze them, how upbeat I am, all things considering. I am genuinely clueless as to why she would be so kind and then withdraw it.

Firstly, sorry you've been having a bad time. I hope things are going better now.

How do you know she blocked you on her phone can I ask?

Is there a way of telling that?

Otherwise maybe she got a new phone and a new number??

You asked for someone's number, and she blocked you? Surely there is more that happened between these two events?

Did you message her more than once? You say she “finally” blocked you.

Blocking you after a single message seems really odd behaviour.

Well within your rights to blank her. Serves her right. What bizarre behaviour.

Why are PPs querying OP’s story?

How many messages did you send OP?

Because it is such strange action to take that it seems like something hasn’t been shared, Lalli. Nobody thinks op is making it up, rather can’t get their heads round why the woman behaved like that. Well, that’s why I was asking questions anyway.

It's not clear how you contacted her? And how many times.

She gave you her number but didn't take your number? How much time elapsed between seeing her and you calling her?

It doesn't sound like a very complete story OP????

Did she give you the wrong number?

"Otherwise maybe she got a new phone and a new number??"

That was my first thought. If it was 2 or so years ago, it may not have been her the OP had text, and the new owner of that number may have been wondering who the person was that was texting them. I guess it depends on how long ago the OP sent her a text.

Did you speak to her on the phone or leave a message?

If she offered help then acted this way it is very odd. But there may well be a more logical explanation

We chatted briefly and she said if there was anything she could do to help, ring her (she gave me her mobile number). So, I did. I wanted to know if she could point me in the direction of an art psychology person who (then) worked with kids. Massive backstory missing from here? She went on to ignore me and finally, block me on her phone.

The scenario is odd, doesn't add up so it's difficult to advise if you abu or not.

People generally avoid being overloaded with other people's woes, did you perhaps come on too strong?

There's nothing wrong in blanking her if she usually blanked you anyway.

You are right to feel angry at her as the offer was an empty gesture. Of course, she felt sorry for you in the moment but couldn't really deliver on her promise, which was wrong.

Its a horrible vulnerable feeling when you open up to someone and then they use it against you

Did you call or did you message her? I tend to ignore numbers that I don't recognize or that are not in my contact list. I have had too many PPI/car accident/window selling/cold calling calls and even though I am registered in the TPI, it still happens. So I assume that people who know me would send a WhatsApp, would send me a text or would leave a voicemail. Random numbers might end up in the block list if I find them persistent and they do not leave messages or identify themselves. I can't always pick up due to work, and it really annoys me when a number calls three times and leaves no clues as to who it might be. Could have she done this and not realise it was you?

Let’s not forget that OP also stated the lady crossed the road at times in the past too.

I don’t think you’re BU to blank her when she’s blanked you. Must’ve been hurtful when seeing her in the past, with her crossing the road to avoid you.

She probably changed her mind and couldn't be bothered. You asked for something weird too.
Don't sweat it. No point being resentful. A a
Waste of your precious energy.

How many times were u messaging or ringing her to get blocked?

This sounds a bit strange. How do you know she ignored you or blocked you?

You contacted her for a reason, she gave you a referral. What happened next?

Either way if she ignored or blocked you -you have every right to blank her. Although you could have said 'Hi. How are you?' -I don't know the full ins and outs. But a friend once blanked me and blocked me -turned out she blocked everyone and attempted suicide -she was mentally very unwell. She is back to being a friend. I consider it a time when she was unwell. If she ever did it again, I would contact her and seek her out.

I used to work for someone exactly like this. Her favourite phrase to people was “if I can do anything to help”

She never actually meant it - she was doing it for the “brownie points” knowing that the majority of people wouldn’t ask for her help.

The one time I actually called her on it and asked for help (she’d already offered the favour) she turned nasty and didn’t help - I never asked for help again

I no longer work for and thankfully we are no longer friends. She’s probably still doing it.

The woman you’re describing, sounds like one of those people OP. I don’t think there is any more to it than that. Sorry you’re going through a difficult time.

I agree that something doesn't add up here. I'm absolutely sure that this is the story as you see it, but I don't think it's the story as she sees it. We'd have to hear her side.

I'm sensitive to this sort of thing. My mother and sister have told family and friends all sorts of stories and accounts about why I am 'the way I am' and when people have repeated them back to me I have been utterly gobsmacked at the things they have missed out and completely misrepresented. My account might not be 100% objective either but it most definitely has some alternative explanations.