To ignore a woman who offered her help...then turned her back

[AuntyJackiesBrothersSistersBoy]

I have a disabled son. He’s had a tough time of it pretty much all his life. The stress of it is terrible and seemingly endless.

Two years ago, I was on a car park sitting, minding my own business as it were, having a proper cry. There was a knock on the window and I was embarrassed to see a woman who I hardly know but whose son was at the same school. We chatted briefly and she said if there was anything she could do to help, ring her (she gave me her mobile number). So, I did. I wanted to know if she could point me in the direction of an art psychology person who (then) worked with kids. She went on to ignore me and finally, block me on her phone.

I saw her yesterday, and she smiled at me and said “hi”. I just looked beyond her and carried on walking. She has, in the recent past seen me and crossed over the street.

Was I unreasonable to blank her? You see, I have struggled for years, putting on a brave face and smiling through it all. The day she saw me in the car, I would never have explained my distress to her because I always think people have enough going on in their own lives, without any one else’s woes. But, she got the bare bones of my situation because she asked. And then I felt like a social pariah and really embarrassed.

I just felt what she did was kind. Then she took it all back.

People are weird, OP. And it doesn't sound like it's you this time. Maybe she didn't have the courage to say that she's got too much going on at the moment or whatever. Anyway - you're better off without her. The problem is not you. Don't take it personally xx

And no yanbu to blank her. x

also brings to mind the saying "there's nowt so queer as folk". In this case her being the odd one!!

The day she saw you in your car Jackie, the kind thing for her to have done would have been to pretend she hadn't seen you. Instead of busy body-ing over there to let you know what a wonderful person she was by offering her help. An offer which wasn't remotely genuine as she later went on to prove.

I am so glad you ignored her. And let her know it. Maybe, perhaps just maybe, it might make her think about what an awful person she is.

Fucking hell at the poster who said did you "come on too strong". You weren't sitting wailing on a park bench. You were sitting in your own car, where some of us pretend we are invisible, especially in a supermarket car park, where we imaging other people are so busy going about their business they're not taking any notice of us. (As opposed to by the side of a road, where people might notice as they drive past.).

She interfered in YOUR life. I absolutely cannot stand people who want to virtue signal that they are caring but they don't really mean it.

Just fucking leave the person alone in the first place.

You don't have to justify yourself to anyone on here Jackie. Bringing up a disabled child is very tough. You don't have give any "back story".

Some people are just awful and I hope you felt a teeny bit better by being given the chance to look through her. It's the very least she deserved.

Strange woman, no need for her to behave like that, she approached you. Just ignore her, and move on.

Fucking hell at the poster who said did you "come on too strong".

I think that poster meant afterwards, maybe bombarding with messages.

I too think there’s more to the story. Not that the OP is withholding or anything, but my first thought would have been ‘someone’s slagged me off to her’ or that she’s gossiped about what you’d told her and then blocked you thinking you’d found out.

Did she make an effort to say hi, or was it unavoidable (ie no road to cross!)

Maybe it was the art psychology bit that put her off....I don't do anything that doesn't have a vague scientific basis to it, so maybe your initial email was just too woo for her.

Thanks for the replies. She gave me her phone number and mentioned that she knew someone who did art therapy with young people and it might be a way of getting DS into a group/social activity that he’d enjoy and possibly make friends. She said the guy was excellent and might be good for DS. When I made contact to get the number, it was like she had no idea who I was (by text). She then said she’d contact the man and he’d make contact. When I didn’t hear anything, I texted her again. That was when I was blocked. Some time after this, she sent me a text from the same number saying she hoped DS changing schools would be helpful. Her husband is a local councillor and she said he was interested to help. Then, I never heard anything.

I should add that I didn’t at any time approach her. Our boys were at the same school so I’d seen her at the school gate, as it were.

Did you call or text. Was it definitely the right number? The blocking your number is strange.

Yanbu. You were right to blank her then. You didn't ask for help, you asked her a question. Continue to ignore her, give yourself an eternal high five every time.

I hope things are better for you and your DS.

Sorry cross post. I see you made contact.

Yanbu. I would be uncomfortable too, very odd. The only reason I can think is she has some issues, maybe she was depressed when you made contact, still she was rude to block you.

I was fairly new to the area. We had no mutual acquaintances. No mutual social activities. I didn’t bombard her with texts and it was HER suggestion, the art group. And I was quietly upset, in the privacy of my own car, when she tapped on the window asking if I was ok. Clearly, I wasn’t ok. It’d have made more sense had she NOT approached me.

I think you have had a lucky escape. She is more likely a gossiping cow who wanted the info, gave you the I CARE speech so you would share, what a bitch.

I'm sorry you experienced this, bloody heck the CF.

Not a nice person op, to treat a clearly vulnerable person like that, you had a lucky escape, ignore her.

She sounds like a very odd fish

This is one of the most bizarre things OP! I think she’s just one of those nosey knobs who offer to help but pray you’ll never ask.

So she blocked you, then unblocked you to send the text about school.

She sounds like a twat.

YANBU.

That's definitely odd of her and you were dead right to blank her. She should have left you alone. If you were right out in public distressed & crying then I could see how she'd have felt obliged to approach, but seeing as you were in your car she could have given you privacy.

I have a child with SEN and I get frustrated when I'm offered totally obvious 'solutions' to my sons complicated problems. She could have said 'sorry to see you are so upset' or something like that. Maybe the person she suggested was not amenable & she felt awkward. Whatever happened she handled it badly.
All the best x