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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not understand people who can’t hold their drink

62 replies

Kartrashian · 19/08/2018 16:01

And yet still go out and get shitfaced every single time?

We’ve all been there and had nights out where we got far too drunk and embarrassed ourselves but I’m talking about the people that do this constantly.

Why would you constantly want to embarrass yourself, ruin people’s nights and expect to be looked after? Confused

OP posts:
Original poster
Kartrashian · 19/08/2018 16:49

AfterSchoolWorry yes you hit on the head

OP posts:
DolorestheNewt · 19/08/2018 16:51

Knows they make an absolute twat of themselves at work events, upset people etc .. says every time I’m not going to drink this time. Yet still orders double vodkas during dinner. I just don’t get it. They aren’t an alcoholic either.

Sorry, but the likelihood is that they are.

SendintheArdwolves · 19/08/2018 16:52

you alright him?

I'm fine - although I'm guessing you found my post confusing! "Straw man" and "no true Scotsman" are names of types of logical fallacy, elements of both of which your post displays.

DolorestheNewt · 19/08/2018 16:55

Sorry, let me rephrase my earlier post. There is a strong likelihood that they are. "Never again", immediately followed by again, if it's a repeated pattern, and if their behaviour is upsetting other people, is a pretty good indicator. To some extent, I would argue that it becomes more likely that they're alcoholic the older they are (because the young can be idiotic around drink).

For the sake of transparency, I will say that I'm a long time sober alcoholic, so you could either argue that I'm biased, or experienced, depending on your take!

Original poster
Kartrashian · 19/08/2018 16:57

Oh ffs. Do you know them personally? No didn’t think so.

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Original poster
Kartrashian · 19/08/2018 16:58

You’ve ruined this discussion anyway because I’m specifically not talking about alcoholics.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kartrashian · 19/08/2018 16:59

SendintheArdwolves stop talking absolutely pretentious waffle.

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BlairWaldorfsHeadband · 19/08/2018 17:01

She’s not talking about people who are addicts, she’s talking about people who go out with the soul intention of getting pissed and Male their social lives about it...

tenterden · 19/08/2018 17:04

Knows they make an absolute twat of themselves at work events, upset people etc .. says every time I’m not going to drink this time. Yet still orders double vodkas during dinner

This is very clearly someone with an alcohol problem. You say you are specifically not talking about alcoholics, but go on to describe someone displaying many of the symptoms.

I think you should maybe educate yourself a bit more about this horrible illness. You don't have to be pouring vodka on your cornflakes to be an alcoholic OP.

You either need to learn to empathise or avoid this person.

SendintheArdwolves · 19/08/2018 17:06

stop talking absolutely pretentious waffle

Ah, I see. It's the long words that are confusing you Grin

Original poster
Kartrashian · 19/08/2018 17:08

I think you should maybe educate yourself a bit more about this horrible illness. You don't have to be pouring vodka on your cornflakes to be an alcoholic OP

I grew up with parents who were both alcoholics. So no I don’t need to educate myself on something I had first hand experience of for 17 years Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
Kartrashian · 19/08/2018 17:10

stop talking absolutely pretentious waffle

Ah, I see. It's the long words that are confusing you grin

If you need to think that to feel better about yourself then fine ...

You’ve obviously branded me as thick and to put the Grin face in a mocking way is pretty disgusting.

I wouldn’t want to and will not engage with someone as entitled and disgusting as yourself. You must be an extremely lonely and bitter person.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 19/08/2018 17:12

Alcoholism has many form. I think that’s what people are saying. A person, who systematically cannot stop drinking has a bad relationship with alcohol at best. You are assuming these people can easily control their behaviour as you’ve decided they’re not alcoholics. The point is, who knows.

Userplusnumbers · 19/08/2018 17:12

Because many people have some degree of alcoholism while still being able to function in day to day life. Some people are under immense stress and are using alcohol as a crutch. Some people are depressed. Some people don't understand what level of drinking is likely to cause an issue.

Perhaps it would be easier to deal with if we could have open conversations about problem drinking, from a place of compassion, rather than being a goady fucker about it.

Out of interest, how do you manage to separate the alcoholics from the none alcoholics?

DolorestheNewt · 19/08/2018 17:13

So no I don’t need to educate myself on something I had first hand experience of for 17 years

No, but perhaps you need to realise that you don't have the monopoly on recognising that alcoholism doesn't always look like your experience of it.

As for "ruining this discussion", it's not really a discussion if people who point out a different interpretation have ruined it... but this whole thread seems to hinge on the definition of certain words.

happypoobum · 19/08/2018 17:13

I grew up with parents who were both alcoholics. So no I don’t need to educate myself on something I had first hand experience of for 17 years

That may explain why this persons alcohol problems is so triggering for you OP. Your refusal to accept that it's the same illness, different person is a bit odd though. Is it someone you are in a relationship with?

Your reaction to other posters is very aggressive. I think you might benefit from reflecting on why someone elses alcoholism is affecting you so badly.

Sparklesocks · 19/08/2018 17:14

I know a handful of people who use alcohol as a social crutch, they are anxious around people in social situations and drink relaxes them, but sometimes they go too far and over their limit. Maybe something like that?

DolorestheNewt · 19/08/2018 17:14

"No, but perhaps you need to realise that you don't have the monopoly on recognising that alcoholism doesn't always look like your experience of it." - sorry, sentence went awry. I meant to say that you don't have the monopoly on recognising alcoholism, and that it doesn't always look like your experience of it.

LoniceraJaponica · 19/08/2018 17:15

"Pearl clutching and judgments abound here."

I don't agree. I don't get why people get so drunk that they make themselves sick. I do drink. I love a glass or two of wine or a gin and tonic or two. I even like getting a bit squiffy, BUT I don't like getting so drunk that I can't control myself. And I don't like it when someone else does that either. They mustn't have an off switch.

Mummyoflittledragon · 19/08/2018 17:15

Cross post. You’re actually coming across as “entitled and disgusting” and “bitter” yourself. Just because you started the thread, it doesn’t mean you get to tell people what to post or that they’ve ruined the discussion.

BlairWaldorfsHeadband · 19/08/2018 17:16

Are people really denying there’s a culture around binge drinking socially in the U.K.? Most of those are not addicted.

Userplusnumbers · 19/08/2018 17:19

Are people really denying there’s a culture around binge drinking socially in the U.K.? Most of those are not addicted

Who's denied this is the case? No one. Many people have simply pointed out that:
Alcoholism has more forms than the one the OP recognises from her own experience
Problem drinking doesn't always mean alcoholism, but the reasons for it are complex
Being a goady fucker about it doesn't actually help anyone

Womaningreen · 19/08/2018 17:21

I know exactly what you mean OP

I have a friend who has lost friends over it - it was before I met him - and to some extent he admits now that he was pushing boundaries etc and having learned the lesson that people will leave you over that behaviour, he doesn't do it and now sticks to a couple

However, does he have a group with whom he occasionally still gets shit faced and they just have a policy that they all forgive, though from what I can gather no one remembers what was said in the morning anyway

He's nearly 50. I suppose if the group are okay with each other....however he could easily have an accident on the way home or something.

BlairWaldorfsHeadband · 19/08/2018 17:23

Who's denied this is the case? No one.

Everyone, by going on about alcoholics and not the binge drinking culture which is obviously what she was on about.

lolaflores · 19/08/2018 17:24

there is always a chance for change. Do keep that in mind.
Condeming someone for their stupid behaviour won't help in any shape or form and really it is for them to understand, not you.
The best way to handle this is step out of the situation then it is no longer your problem or a drain on your energy.
I stopped drinking because it dawned on me the amount of time, energy and money I had already wasted on it. But that conclusion was mine to arrive at.
There is also everey chance you engage in behaviours which others find irritating or unfathomable. To each his own and let us all live our lives as we see fit even if it doesn't seem so to the outside world.
End of lecture.