Dirty nappies in 4 year old

[DaveDave]

This is part of a bigger problem in our relationship but wanted perspective.

Both DH and I went to bed around midnight.
While we were getting ready I smelt something and said someone has done a poo. DH went to bed and I had to clean a dirty nappy. I shouted and he said I should just leave her till morning as she does it nightly (she is 4). To me that is grim. AIBU?

Why is she pooing a nappy every night age 4? can't she her up & go to the loo?

Of course it's not fair to leave her, she'll have a sore bum in the morning.

Unless there is a medical reason she is still in nappies then I think you really need to toilet train her. But yes leaving her in a poohy nappy is not nice. "D"H sounds a bit lazy tbh

She is great during the day but still in pull
Ups at night. I try and encourage her to poo during the day but she only does it in her sleep. HV said she will grow out of it, but just keep trying to encourage more regular normal habits.

You can't leave her in a dirty diaper all night. But if she goes that predictably, why can't she use the toilet? Or, could you wait to put her to bed until she's done?

It’s not considered an issue to not be out of night time nappies until 5 so don’t let that cloud your AIBU. www.eric.org.uk/blog/help-with-night-time-dryness-after-potty-training

Of course it is unreasonable to not help a child be as comfortable as possible.

Does your husband really think it's ok to leave her in a dirty nappy for 10 to 12 hours? He's totally wrong about that.

It would be from to leave it all night, I agree. But why were you shouting him? Does it take two of you to get them changed? But I'd also try and be more proactive at getting her to go before bed.

Do NOT leave her in the poo nappy overnight. Even if it is an attempt to train her, YOU will regret it when she get sores on her bum and then you will have a cranky child who might be up all night.
Rewards systems (even stickers) work well when training. At age four money, even play money, also works well as it is a novelty to them.

How do you know she isn’t being as ‘proactive’ as is appropriate, Howhot?

I think you should speak to the doctor about pooing during ‘sleep’. My children had bowel issues and specialist explained to me the bowel only starts functioning in a way that a person needs to poo if they are awake. My son had sleep issues and he was explaining why my son had poo early mornings. If you think about it - as adults we aren't woken up with an urge to poo.

I shouted (well not shouted really) because he knew she had a poo but went to bed anyway. I work nights a lot and hate the thought of this happening,

Re the problem. Am trying not to make a big deal of it with her and she seems to have a fear after a bad spell on constipation about a year ago, So hoping she will grow out of it. Don't want her on Movical unnecessarily and she has a healthy diet,

How often does she poo, OP? As in, every night, or once or twice a week?

Every night....It is a worry but I am trying to balance not making an 'issue' of it

If she's scared of pooing, then I'd try the Movicol tbh. Was life changing for DD - we used to joke she'd be the only girl to go straight from pullups to Tampax, because you feel such a failure when you can't train. She could read, but wasn't potty trained! Turned out she needed the Movicol - problem solved. It's inert and passes straight through them, so it's not even a drug as such. Maybe chat to the GP, at least?

I do get the despair. It's like - this should be simple! What am I doing wrong?! It was also constipation causing fear of pooing in our case, though she was withholding for days, so a lot worse. But softer poo and a bribe she really wants may help - we found tablet time on the loo helped, with the Movicol!

She may just outgrow it, anyway. But: you are not alone, you are not a bad mother, and your husband is being an arse.

Perfect storm thank you so much!
So nice to hear a positive story. Will try Movicol again, with old fashioned bribery.
And tell my DH he is a lazy sod.

My 4 year old daughter still wears a pull up and poos roughly every other night. She does some on the toilet but mostly still in her sleep so don't let some come on here trying to make you feel bad.

As for DP he is massively In the wrong. None of us would want to sleep in that
And they maybe sore in the morning, it won't make your daughter suddenly changed her habits.

The age of the child and potential issues aside you can’t leave a child lying in poo all night, therefore YANBU

DH is unreasonable and unkind to your DD. Children develop at different ages, but it is not their fault.

If you work nights and DH is not prepared to care for DD at night, then this is an issue.

I remember my DD1 had really difficult issues with constipation and pooing into her knickers up to the age of 6. (She never had night-time issues thankfully.) What we did in the end was encourage her to sit on the toilet for 10 minutes after meals, giving her a book to read, to encourage her to sit still. We also gave her a laxative to deal with her constipation. After that she never looked back.

Your DH is completely out of order not to clean your DD up, though. She'll get very sore underneath.

Unless you are totally incontinent, you don't poo in your sleep (at least, this is what DDs consultant told me, after years of poo issues). If she's pooing at night in her nappy it's likely to be because it feels safe and familiar. We were told to sit DD on the toilet for a length of time after every meal. No pressure to go, but every day, sat there routinely so it stopped being a scary thing. Also plenty of movicol (and other medicines, but I think we were father along our journey than you are now).

If it's the constipation that's the issue then she's obviously holding it in all day and when she sleeps her bowel relaxes and she poops into her nappy. My dd has this too. We saw a paediatrician in the end who gave her Movicol and about a week later it had completely stopped. My dd was about 6 by this time and were desperate when we finally went to the doctors having tried lifting her at night, sticker charts & lots of other toileting training tips but if the issue is constipation then go to your GP and explain what's going on now, don't wait like we did.

Whenever I see this problem on here I respond with the same advice. This is not normal for a 4 year old and as her parent you owe it to her to sort it out.
Please read the ERIC website.
Google the Poo Nurses and watch the videos from start to finish.
Your poor dd has a problem resulting from the constipation you mention in your OP.
She won't grow out of it and it is cruel not to treat it.

Tbh I dont quite understand your post. You say you and dh were both preparing for sleep, you smelt poop, you changed dd, you shouted at dh.

Why shout at him? Surely its a one person job?

OP has said she has taken the advice of her HV on this and also that she will try movicol. “Cruel” is uncalled for endoftheline.

My eldest was 5 and still wearing bed pull ups which he would poo in each night. No constipation issues. It stopped in the year he was 5 years old although he still wore bed pull ups until over 7.

At one point i had a 7 year old and 6 year old in bed pull ups and a 2 year old who wasnt.

I agree she needs changing during the night you cant just leave her