Dirty nappies in 4 year old

[DaveDave]

This is part of a bigger problem in our relationship but wanted perspective.

Both DH and I went to bed around midnight.
While we were getting ready I smelt something and said someone has done a poo. DH went to bed and I had to clean a dirty nappy. I shouted and he said I should just leave her till morning as she does it nightly (she is 4). To me that is grim. AIBU?

If he thinks it's ok to leave anyone in a dirty nappy overnight, he's an idiot.

Disgusting to leave a child in a dirty nappy.

Op could you try putting her on the toilet before you go to bed while she's still half asleep?

We spoke to my HV about this when dd was 3. She said have lots of books sitting on the potty before bed with a cup of warm milk and that blowing bubbles might help too (Sphincter law! Means if you relax your mouth your relax your anus).

She was doing half her poos in the looin the day though so no movicol suggested, but in your case I think that would be the key.

@pinkavacado

Because i can only respond based on what is in the OP. Why?

No advice on toilet training...but can't leave a dirty nappy on at night. Depending on temperature and type of poo and how wet her nappy is, it could be really really sore! Or lead to an infection. I know people who have had to take their kids to the doctors with nappy rash so bad it bled

I’ve not heard of the blowing bubbles one before TheChats. Genius!

My DD pooed in nappies at night until age 5. We then found out it was because she was constipated. As soon as the constipation was sorted she was dry at night within two weeks.
Research constipation and get it checked out. It might solve all of the issues.

Does she know she does it or do you change her without her really waking? Can you work out what time she is likely to poo and sit her on the toilet? Does she ever poo on the toilet in the day time?
A bit of bribery, positive reinforcement might help.

Movicol really is a godsend, it worked wonders for DD1’s poo issues. If she manages to do a couple of poos on the toilet during the day it may take away her fear and stop her feeling the need to wait until she’s in a nappy.
You’re right though, she should not be left in a soiled nappy all night. Regardless of who did what last night I can understand your worries if you regularly work nights and she’s in his care, when he has that attitude.

4yo DS is now on movicol as he had a bad spell of constipation, resulting in him withholding poo. He was spoiling himself regularly, and we noticed the impact on his behaviour if he’d not had a poo for a few days.

Now, he’s on one sachet a day which seems to keep him regular. He’s understanding now that it doesn’t hurt any more when he poos, so he doesn’t tend to withhold so much -only if we are out and about, so we try him on the toilet before we leave. If he’s farting a lot we encourage him to sit on the toilet with whatever it takes - bubbles, tablet, anything really to get him sat long enough for it to happen.

Also, if your DH is thinking that leaving her in a dirty nappy all night is going to magically make her want to use the toilet, he’s a fool. MIL kept coming up with the same daft idea, until I asked her what she thought about having a sore, painful backside would make him actually want to use the toilet and have his bum wiped after.

My (day time trained) three year old was poo-ing regularly early mornings. Often I'd find him dirty but fast asleep. I wasn't sure whether he was doing it in his sleep or half awake and then going back to sleep, but what I read suggested that children stop pooing unconsciously in their sleep at a much younger age. So I went cold turkey on the night nappies for a few days. Not the most fun days ever but it turned out it was conscious, as he stopped. I didn't make a big fuss about it, just took away his safety net, and when cleaning him up in the morning pointed out that he needed to do his poos in the toilet. I think I might have put a potty next to his bed as well. He went back in nappies after that as he wasn't dry at night, but the poo never returned. I think there's a strong chance OP that this isn't completely unconscious in your daughter either, but rather a habit, and I'd suggest that the longer you let it go on the harder a habit it may be to break.

However, no, your husband is wrong, you cannot leave her in it over night, that's horrible.

Lots of great ideas here thank you! Particularly like relax the mouth relax the anus! We have lots of books about poo but I will try movical again too I think.

Bit upset at being called cruel.

I wasn't upset he didn't help me, btw. Not that previous. Upset he thought it was ok to leave her in a dirty nappy all night. That would be cruel.

Not that precious I mean

The MN "children should be fully trained before they're 2 months" fucknuggets will be along shortly - but as the parent of an enco kid (medical reasons mean she's always going to be prone to constipation) - if she's shitting - above all else keep her shitting - seriously!

Movicol might help, timed toilet sits with whatever's required to keep her there and chilled out about it (used to be fucking Topsy and Tim on the tablet with DD2) about 10 mins after a meal for 5 minutes might help to get her poo timer round onto a daytime timer, and knees raised also helps a lot - we use one of those collapsible DIY step stools from Poundstretcher as it's higher than a toddler toilet step which doesn't quite get them high enough.

And yep, you couldn't leave her dirty - more than anything else, the rare times when DD2 would soil on a night - she'd never resettle until clean (ironic really since she still has minimal to no awareness when she's soiled in knickers).

Sounds like a constipation issue , sometimes kids won't go because they fear it will hurt and it causes blockage then leakage from above the blockage will come out . She might not be able to control it . Try the movicol and see how it goes

A lot of kids that age, are still in night nappies, it might have just come when she weed in the night, especially if she had a loose tummy. I have dreamed that I am on the toilet sometimes, it is a surprise that i have not pooed myself at night it really is.

It sounds really difficult, I hope some of the ideas here help, I really do.

DS was in pull ups at night til he was almost 8, but that was for wees, not poos, which seem much more common / simpler, but even that was ruddy stressful and I really feel for you!

Ignore any posts with the whiff of sanctimony about them, personally I find those an even more unpleasant smell than poo itself :)

Couple of FB groups that might help you if you're that way inclined - Movicol Mummies (ignore the twee name) and Encopresis Support UK. Been more help than our GP and the continence nurse (lost our referral 3 times before we saw 'em) put together to be honest.

We only got our 5 1/2 year old out of nighttime pull ups a month or so ago when we were fairly confident the poos were set to daytime only and with a bedwetting alarm - still not 100% there with the bedwetting but she was adamant she wanted to try to do it so we've went with it for her.

He is a bit of a dick to be honest. Ask him if he would like to sleep in shitty pants.

YANBU, OP. Would your DH like to try to sleep with poo all around his bum? I bet he wouldn't!

I totally understand the issues you're facing with your daughter. Mine was daytime toilet trained for wees but poos were another matter altogether. She was also scared after an episode of constipation. She used to go behind the curtain and do it in her pants and she was bad for holding it in and not wanting to do it at all and that just made it harder for her. We tried movicol on the advice of the HV but she hated the taste and it was a nightmare to try to get any into her. I remember one episode where she spat it all straight back out over the door! (She was 3 at the time) In the end it just took an awful lot of gentle encouragement from us - if we saw signs of her about to go behind the curtain we would take her to the toilet. We had many many times of no success but one day she just did it and we made so much fuss praising her and she got a little reward and was so happy and excited. She also wanted to phone her grandparents to tell them!!! We never had another issue after that day. One thing that did bother her to begin with was the feeling of being insecure on the toilet- nappies or pants round their bum gives them a security and she didn't like the "plop" - she felt it was a big open space under her. We put a bit of toilet paper in the toilet first to kind of dampen down the noise (sorry TMI!)

Don't worry, OP, it's just a temporary thing and it won't go on forever.

Movicol and lactulose worked for my 4 year old, gives them basically no choice but to go to the loo when urge comes! I would not leave a boy in a dirty nappy, definitely definitely not a girl, she'd be at risk of uti as well as sore bum. Your oh is a lazy git.

My dd used to hold in her poo.....for days. I didn't want to go down the laxatives route so went natural. Sat her down with half a watermelon and a spoon and told her to help herself. Did the job brilliantly. We also used the bubbles trick for pees and it worked well