AIBU to think suicide of life coach author sadly undermines her book?

[ThinkingCat]

I am interested in books on personal development and life coaching and have bought quite few over the years. I grabbed one from my bookshelf today to browse through and started making notes. This evening I googled the author and am dismayed to learn that she committed suicide 4 years after the book was published.

It's made me feel.... not only sad for the tragic loss of a bright and lovely-sounding person, but also a bit like.... what's the good of the theory if in practice this has happened. AIBU?

(I'm not having a mental health issue myself, it's more a reflection on theory and practice, or on good advice v. real life struggles)

Yes but the idea that the self help genre has any bearing on actual diagnosable mental health conditions which are serious enough to possibly include suicide is flawed and most adults should know that.

My partner took his own life only a week ago. I have spent much of this evening talking with his mother and telling her all about the amazing things he taught me about myself, people and the world in general. He was incredibly wise but this isn't always enough.

I agree with you. Of course it’s very sad that she took her own life, mental health issues are complex, but in doing so it does rather invalidate her ‘Life Coaching’ advice.

GinkyPig
‘That would be like saying because she wrote an article on how to treat cancer but then died of cancer that, she must somehow have had some control over the cancer or was lying about the treatment that she wrote about’

No, it’s ‘like saying’ if she wrote a book about how to cure cancer, then died of cancer, her theory/book isn’t worth following.

So because you have been unthoughtful and insensitive in asking this does that undermine any acts of thoughtfulness or sensitivity you have had in the past? Sadly, in your case, very possibly, it does.

This is absolutely ridiculous OP, ignore it.

I see what you're saying - when you feel that this person changed your mindset, it can be a shock to realise that those skills they talk about in their book were not enough to save them. Self help books can sometimes have an air of "do exactly this and you'll be fine", and that's not how life is. When you think about it though, I'm guessing that a self help book writer might have struggled themselves, so them being suicidal isn't so surprising.

And I think also sometimes that it is easier for a person to help others than it is for them to help themselves.

thelmalouisewaitforme So sorry for your loss. Sending love.

Totally get your point , OP

AnnieAnoniMoose
it’s ‘like saying’ if she wrote a book about how to cure cancer, then died of cancer, her theory/book isn’t worth following

But life coaching books aren't about how to "cure" suicide or suicidal tendencies ?

thelmalouisewaitforme {hugs}

I get your point too OP. I don't know who the author is, or what was written in the book but for any advice that is sold, you want to know that it works, and that doesn't take away from understanding mental health. My father was in a psychiatric hospital when I was doing my leaving cert and I've been on anti-Ds twice. I'm good now but I would rather buy a book written by somebody I believed had conquered the issue.

@thelmalouisewaitforme sorry for your loss

I’m so sorry @thelmalouisewaitforme

thelmalouise. I am so sorry to hear about your partner 🌷

thelmalouisewaitforme, sorry to read about your partner.how shocking
Who is supporting you?a week ago,that’s so recent.please take care

I suspect that people who really are not sorted, whether through mental illness or other reasons, are more likely to see the benefit in life coaching and motivational speaking. It buoys them up and they want to share that with others.

No different to the concept of the depressed comedian.

It's terribly said. But no, your post is unfair.

Some people are better at helping others then they are at helping themselves.

Also - life coaches don't coach themselves. I'm a trained lifecoach- however my life is definitely not sorted, we wouldn't be human otherwise.

Primo Levi, an Italian chemist, survived the Holocaust and wrote a number of devastatingly sad but also uplifting books about his experience and life. He eventually took his own life many years later. The ability to understand, process and share is not unfortunately a guarantee for the person involved. Life is too complicated for that.

The bloke looks freaky - just looked up their photos.

I think as well that to you, the author was very much alive in your mind, through reading her words.

I would say, don't forget how you felt reading her work, it made you take notes and want to find out more. That's a great thing.

It doesn't invalidate her work and I do think you realise that, you were exploring how you felt when you wrote the post. That doesn't make you a horrible person.

Rednaxa suicide is sadly not at all a rare way to die. It is the most common cause of death of men under 45 in the UK.

I understand what you’re saying, OP.

I think YABU OP. Someone who commits suicide is someone who is seriously mentally unwell. I'm sure they were in a very different place when writing their book and it doesn't invalidate what they wrote. They got ill. It's very sad.

thelmalouisewaitforme

I'm so very sorry for your loss.

My Mum had a really good therapist who helped her a lot when I was in my 20s. She's been far easier to have a relationship with as an adult than she ever was when I was a child. That therapist also committed suicide a couple of years after therapy ended, and my mum felt as you do, OP, for a while. Then she recognised that the skill and professionalism and real help given were all valid, and the pain the therapist was in also valid. We're all mortal and frail, essentially.