Who should compromise here?

[ilovewelshrarebit123]

Yesterday I drove 260 miles to see my good friend that I haven't seen for 5 years. I'm staying at her house.

She's married and it's the first time I've met her husband. He seems ok.

Last night we went out for a meal with some other girls I haven't seen for years to. Just a meal, no drinks after etc

Tonight we'd like to go for a meal, me, her and her husband. Except he doesn't want to go, but he also doesn't want her to go (she's told me this) as she went out last night. He's refusing all suggestions of things to do and clearly has the arse!

It's all very awkward and we're just sat here in silence! She has nothing in for dinner and is mentioning a take away. He can't/won't cook so knowing her, she's reluctant to just say well I'm going out anyway.

We're good friends and I'd really like to go out, eat, and have a few drinks with both of them.

So should I just resolve by suggesting a takeaway and sit in the house, or let her make the decision.

God how awful. Can you insist you and friend go out and ask if he’s always like this?

Offer to pay, bet he changes his mind!

It's her relationship, her decision. Don't get involved. She is probably mortified at his behaviour. I'd just go with whatever she wants to do (you've no idea what he's like in private) & probably ask later if she's ok or wants to talk. Be prepared to be there if it turns out he's an arse. OTOH, she could have forgotten to mention tonight to him & he's got the huff because they already had plans that were special, & he doesn't feel comfortable discussing it in front of you.

My point is, you never know.

How awkward for you. If you stay in with a takeaway will he join you in eating it and make conversation? Or will he sulk? I'd be tempted to take charge and say "let's go out, I'll pay!! it's been 5 years since we caught up properly and who knows when we will next get the chance!".

He knew I was coming to stay, she said he knows we were going out. He's 'stubborn' apparently and changed his mind!

We're both 49 by the way, and he's in his 50's so not young! We've been friends for 25 years and it was me that moved away.

It's not about money either, they have plenty. I'm not getting involved so will just sit here. But I can tell she's very embarrassed.

I would go out yourself. Sit in a bar with a drink and a book or newspaper and text her to tell her where you are. Then if she doesn't respond go see a movie.

Unless things change tomorrow I'd drive home again

God imagine what he's like when you're not there. Your poor friend. I'd have walked out if I was your friend!

Get lots of wine ion and a take away. Be loud as you talk with your friend about the past and get drunk. He'll soon wish you'd gone out. He sounds dreadful, feel sorry for your friend. Next time invite just her to stay with you at yours for a weekend catch up.

He sounds like a dick. What sort of man stops their wife from going out for a meal with an old friend?

What sort of wife lets him?

One that's possibly bullied and manipulated?

So what, you're all just sitting there in silence with no dinner? Oh my god, I don't think I could bear it.

I think I would want to smile brightly and say something like "well, isn't this jolly!" and keep smiling at him until he says something. I'd probably chicken out though and just text my friend to ask if she's ok and whether she wants me to go.

Or I'd be tempted to order a pizza delivery and take it upstairs to my spare room.

O god what a pig. Poor you and poor friend, I hoped this kind of man was, dying out but no, close the front door and here he is, just hiding in modern guise. I'd be on my way elsewhere by now with an invitation to her to visit you. She may need it.

How are things now OP?

“Oooh. I feel like a walk. I think I’ll just pop to that pub/restaurant we passed earlier. I’m fine on my own but if you want to come you’re welcome to join me”

Put on shoes. Go. She’ll either come with you or she won’t, but at least you’ll get fed and you’ll get out of the awkward situation.

Just order a takeaway for yourself!!

Has the silence been broken OP? Has any food passed your lips?

He should've let her go, this is probably one of very few weekends that she will want to go out both nights. They literally have a lifetime of weekends in to spend together so its very, very weird that hes expecting her to stay in especially when this has been planned in advance

Drag her out and tell her, her husband is a c0ck

Eeeek very awkward! I hope you are now having a more comfortable time & have eaten

Double posting but re-read some peoples comments and agree with the one that said why is she letting her husband do this. If my DH did this I'd grab my keys and purse, tell him what we were doing and tell him he either joins us or doesn't and then it's down to him. I'd also have a word in private saying be civil for the rest of the time our guest is here and we'll discuss (argue) when the guest is gone. I'm sorry but your friend sounds like a pushover

Come on OP! Did you get any dinner?

He sounds like an arse

Rude host

The two of you should just go out

He s a knob
Try to encourage your friend to leave him and not put up with this shit. Hope you got dinner.

@Jozxyqk

It's her relationship, her decision. Don't get involved. She is probably mortified at his behaviour. I'd just go with whatever she wants to do (you've no idea what he's like in private) & probably ask later if she's ok or wants to talk. Be prepared to be there if it turns out he's an arse. OTOH, she could have forgotten to mention tonight to him & he's got the huff because they already had plans that were special, & he doesn't feel comfortable discussing it in front of you.

People really do go out of their way to makes excuses for abusive arseholes, don't they?

So awkward- I hope you've at least had something to eat now and been able to talk to her without him around :)