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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think this is so rude!?

34 replies

reallyhopethisworksNC · 18/08/2018 17:25

I've attempted to NC as this is outing, but never NC before so this could be a bit of a fail...

Our NCT class had a reunion last week, around 2 months after all of our babies had been born. We planned the reunion around the schedule of the class leader, as she was going on holiday. She suggested the date, time and location during our last class and sent out a standard email with reunion date on it (NCT obviously require leaders to do this). We did not hear from her following the class - no messages or further emails to check our babies had been born safely, and no confirmation of the reunion.

She didn't show up. One of us had messaged her that day to confirm that we were all meeting at 6. She read it beforehand and did not reply. At 9pm she messaged something like "great, see you all then". Presumably so she could pretend she had the wrong date. We replied that we had been there since 6 waiting for her. She did not reply. Another NCT class of hers said she did not attend their reunion either and pretended she had gone and no one else had shown up.

AIBU to think this is so f*ing rude? I am really (probably irrationally) angry. We paid her 270£ for a lazily put together and shoddy class but this is another level - 8 sets of new parents (with 8 babies in tow) had something better to do on a weeknight than get stood up by someone! People had to leave work early and make up hours on other days. She didn't even have the manners to excuse herself!! I know it doesn't matter in the scheme of things but I think its just so rude.

OP posts:
HushabyeMountainGoat · 18/08/2018 17:31

It is rude to pretend you're going and then not show up but in her defence, I assume the point of those groups is to connect people who are having babies at the same time. Once the course is finished, her work is done. I personally wouldn't fancy socialising with a group of new parents every few weeks when I already did it for a job.

Maybe she feels she has to play along and then try to wriggle out of it. It would be better to just be up front and just say that no, she doesn't attend anything of that nature.

InspectorIkmen · 18/08/2018 17:31

Very rude. So have you all been scammed out of money? Might be a police matter if so?

HushabyeMountainGoat · 18/08/2018 17:33

@InspectorIkmen i took it to mean that OP paid £270 for the course. This was a reunion dinner i.e a social event. I don't believe the OP or anyone else paid anything towards the dinner on the course leader's behalf.

Confusedbeetle · 18/08/2018 17:34

If she does not see her role past the births she should not pretend to. It would be easy to explain this and encourage you to keep in touch with each other

apriljune12 · 18/08/2018 17:35

Not so much rude as really strange

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 18/08/2018 17:38

I don’t understand, was it something that she had to be there to let you into etc or it was like a social thing and you had each other but not her?

MumW · 18/08/2018 17:40

I always thought the reunion was part of the course.

PalePinkSwan · 18/08/2018 17:42

You should complain to NCT about that, it’s really unprofessional.

Part of what you pay for in the course fees is the reunion which includes the course leader so you can debrief about the early experiences and get advice at that stage.

So she hasn’t fully done her job and sounds like it’s a pattern.

abigailsnan · 18/08/2018 17:45

My DIL paid for a similar course and when the babies had arrived the new parents where invited back to give their thoughts on what help the course had given them by way of feedback to the tutor, this was also arranged on the last lesson with parents.
The parents where told that their thoughts and comments would be collated and fed back to the trust to help with the structure of future courses if need be.
Is this what the OPs was expecting to happen ?

reallyhopethisworksNC · 18/08/2018 17:49

She was absolutely supposed to be there for the reunion, which is why she arranged around her holiday. I did think it was part of the course to kind of receive additional information, but even if not and just from a social point of view why could she not have told us she wasn’t coming? Then we could’ve rearranged for a weekend when we were all free and didn’t have to leave work/be out in the evening with fussy newborns! It’s just really pissed me off. I wrote NCT an email but they didn’t get back
to me. I was willing to accept her course was lazy and shitty because we made friends, but this is just such a personal rudeness I can’t let it go! (Yes I might be a touch hormonal!)

OP posts:
reallyhopethisworksNC · 18/08/2018 17:50

Also why pretend via text message she was coming?!

OP posts:
Dreamingofkfc · 18/08/2018 17:58

Ours did exactly the same! So annoying. We did complain to NCT as there were other issues too.

bananamonkey · 18/08/2018 18:02

It’s part of the course to have a reunion with the teacher which is why they arrange the date in advance. Ours seemed really bored with no interest in our babies or birth stories etc. I get that she does a million of these things and probably doesn’t care but what’s the point of coming?! She was actually great during the classes.

reallyhopethisworksNC · 18/08/2018 18:05

Dreamingofkfc

Wonder if it’s the same person!!

bananamonkey

Would be better if she just said she couldn’t come than to sit there looking bored!

OP posts:
diddl · 18/08/2018 18:06

I think that I'd be more annoyed about the "lazily put together & shoddy" class tbh.

Perhaps these meetups should be optional for the leaders?

ViserionTheDragon · 18/08/2018 18:09

Absolutely complain about her to NCT.

Did you at least have a nice catch up with the other couples there?

reallyhopethisworksNC · 18/08/2018 18:10

Perhaps these meetups should be optional for the leaders?

It would be fine if they were! It’s just being stood up I take issue with.

Very hard to explain problems with a class as it’s subjective isn’t it? She basically just gave us paper and made us write lists and read them out. But NCT could just say that’s fine!

OP posts:
reallyhopethisworksNC · 18/08/2018 18:11

Did you at least have a nice catch up with the other couples there?

Thankfully yes!

OP posts:
delilahswishes · 18/08/2018 18:16

Is this one of the 8 paid for classes?

YAB(a little)U though to expect her to message all the new parents asking about the births/new babies. If you think how often the courses run and that she will be busy and have her own personal life I wouldn't really be expecting her to reach out to find out about my new baby?

reallyhopethisworksNC · 18/08/2018 18:23

delilahswishes

It’s not a class, it’s just something that appears to be a “compulsory” addition if you see what I mean? We were all expected to go and so was she (by us but also by NCT).

I know IBU re messaging us but I just think she got paid quite a lot to just phone it in for a few hours a week, couldn’t she at least have sent a group email after the last due date to say she hopes everyone is well and babies are well? It is the type of job I really think people shouldn’t have if they aren’t really into it, as she clearly isn’t.

OP posts:
MatildaTheCat · 18/08/2018 18:29

I would certainly let the NCT know that you were disappointed with the course content and the subsequent behaviour of the course leader.

Just as an aside the leaders do not receive anything like the whole fee, a friend does these courses and gets in the region of £50 a session.

reallyhopethisworksNC · 18/08/2018 18:31

MatildaTheCat

50£ per couple or 50£ total?

OP posts:
MatildaTheCat · 18/08/2018 18:34

No, that’s what the leader gets for running the session! Admittedly I asked her a couple of years ago but I was shocked by how little it was. My friend did it from home and it was easy money for an evening’s work but taking into account the prep and clearing up it was crap money.

It may well vary from branch to branch but this was leafy Surrey.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 18/08/2018 18:35

I think they have to pay quite a lot for their training too don’t they?

roundtable · 18/08/2018 18:37

Ours didn't turn up either. But she was quite peculiar and it gave us a topic of conversation for a bit!

Annoying, but not a massive deal. I think ours was put out that none of us hired her as a doula and were all about the pain relief when giving birth. Grin