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AIBU?

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Original poster

WTAF is wrong with me? Why do I keep self destructing!

30 replies

BiggestFattestLoser · 17/08/2018 21:09

Up until a month ago, I had kept up 3 months of excellent self care - massively overhauled diet (which I was quite enjoying and was not hungry on), massively increased my fitness, kept up taking supplements, filing and creaming feet, face masks, hair treatments, nail filing and polishing, flossingShock, going to bed earlier.

I lost 2 stone of the 5 I need to lose and feel immeasurably better and more importantly, strong - weight training helped that a lot. My mindset was positive about myself after a lot of work on it (abusive, neglectful childhood, trauma in adulthood, no self esteem).

I found a formula which suited me of 2000 calories in and 1000-1200 out purely by 2 hours a day of hard exercise and I felt amazing after it.

Surprisingly I found it quite easy and sustainable.

Then I got a bit of a sore throat and felt like I had a flu type thing coming on, so decided to miss the gym for a few days. That gave me carte blanch to eat everything in sight. Then I stopped taking my vitamins, creaming my feet and it all went to shit!

I haven't done any exercise of note now for over 4 weeks and have put almost a stone back onAngry. I am starting to feel breathless walking up the stairs again and my legs ache.

Worst thing is that my GP agreed to me coming off my blood pressure pills as I reduced my blood pressure right down half way through. Now it's probably up again. Angry at self.

Everyday I say to myself, I'll get back in the saddle tomorrow but don't. Its not even the DC being off school that's hampering me, they're age 9 and up and I can fit exercise in if I really want to as teens at home. DH has had 3 weeks at home out of the last 4 but I still did nothing!

This the longest period ever of me looking after myself and I finally believed I'd cracked it and my dream of losing this excess weight I've carried since having DC1 (20 years old) would come true!

Why, why, why have I sabotaged myself again!

Pile in and give me a kicking, I need it Angry.

OP posts:
Clairetree1 · 17/08/2018 21:12

I'm exactly the same.

It only takes three days to get back into the routine, but I can't get through those three days, I fail every single day.

So I'm back to tomorrow being the first day again....

mychildrenarebarmy · 17/08/2018 21:12

I have a very similar story right now. I genuinely don’t get how people stick at it long enough for it to become their normal.

CreepyPasta · 17/08/2018 21:13

No advice sorry OP, I’m exaxtly the same!

CreepyPasta · 17/08/2018 21:14

Exactly

Clairetree1 · 17/08/2018 21:15

so we could all in fact be back on track and feeling that the diet and exercise is normal again by MONDAY!

come on, lets do it

Clairetree1 · 17/08/2018 21:16

starting right now, no exceptions, throw away those biscuits in your hand.....

Original poster
BiggestFattestLoser · 17/08/2018 21:18

I came on today. Can't do anything til Tues now.............

OP posts:
InionEile · 17/08/2018 21:18

You can always start again. You kept it up for 3 months so you know you’re able to do it whenever you choose to. Start fresh tomorrow and get back on track! You don’t need to do everything at once, just a couple of small steps in the right direction.

I’m saying this to you as i’m sitting here feeling sorry for myself, recovering from a bad bout of strep and totally out of form on my fitness training too. It’s frustrating but I know we can all do what we need to do if we put our minds down to it Smile

TrappedByATurtle · 17/08/2018 21:19

Don't be ridiculous. You've done really well. It sounds to me like your mistake was being ill and thinking you can go straight back to crazy workout status. Of course you don't feel like doing it, your body has been fighting infection. So start with something gentle and work up. Don't be so hard on yourself.

TrappedByATurtle · 17/08/2018 21:21

And change your username. Please Flowers

Cismyass · 17/08/2018 21:23

Because.... life. Get back on it OP. Tomorrow, no excuses, infact feet and some squats/lunges are doable now. It is a minor set back, that is all.

Tomatoesrock · 17/08/2018 21:24

It is very hard to stay fully motivated, you do not need a kicking OP just some helpful advice. It is very easy to slip off the wagon and decide to stay down its easier, Start back on the vitamins and foot care they will give you a boost, the only advice I can give is be kind to you, you are you extra stone or not we only get one life, you done it before and you will again xx Flowers

Butterflyrosebud · 17/08/2018 21:24

You lost 2 stone, 1 stone back on so you’re not completely back to where you started! 1 stone is 3 months is still great.

It does sounds like it was unsustainable though exercising that much each day. You need to be more realistic otherwise you will slip back into old routines very quickly.

I’ve just joined slimming world, I don’t count every single ‘syn’ but knowing that I will have to go to a weekly weigh in is motivating.

CocktailQueenie · 17/08/2018 21:27

Be kind to yourself, you have lost a huge amount already so you know you have the willpower to achieve your goal. Give yourself a new start date and then restart your programme when you feel able. Maybe allow treats at weekends then you won't feel deprived and it will make your hard work worthwhile. Good luck x

Tomatoesrock · 17/08/2018 21:28

Yes your username, would you describe anyone in RL that way, do not use it to yourself, you sound strong and focused in your OP. Far from a looser.

Saggital · 17/08/2018 21:30

You can never 'crack' it as such OP. You're not going to have a three month period or whatever of success and become magically 'sorted'. You have to realise that. You need to be 'in the now' with it every day. Calorie count, and exercise. So what if you fuck up one day. Every passing minute is a chance to turn it around.

Not sure what your GP was doing letting you come off the blood pressure pills either at this stage.

OliviaBonas · 17/08/2018 21:31

You can do it and you will! We all believe I’m you. Could you start with the exercise, healthy food and sleep then add in the beauty treatments again gradually over time as you feel ready to make it less overwhelming. I do classes at the gym - could you try some of those for variation? Could you buy some weights to use a home? Could you have a couple of personal training sessions if funds allow?

One thing that’s really helped me is a whatsapp group with a couple of friends to support one another with our healthy lifestyles. It was set up to help one of my friends originally but I’ve found it so motivating.

Branleuse · 17/08/2018 21:33

The hardest step is the first one.

IreneWinters · 17/08/2018 21:44

Why? Because you changed a whole bunch of things all at once. The novelty wore off and and you slipped back into your old habits. For some reason, it’s harder to restart after a break than it is to keep going. I blame endorphins . But now you know you can do it, and you know it makes you feel good after a few days. So, break it down. Do one thing tonight. Just do your nails, or just do a face mask. Then tomorrow, eat better, and do one other thing from your list. Don’t try to do it all in one go. Be kind to yourself!

IreneWinters · 17/08/2018 21:48

Hang on, two hours hard exercise every day? Sod that for a game of soldiers. That’s not maintainable for most people, surely?

Branleuse · 17/08/2018 21:57

Yeah i think what irene says too. You were doing an unsustainable amount of exercise. You need to be able to fit it in with normal life

Original poster
BiggestFattestLoser · 17/08/2018 22:06

Ahhh supportive comments! This is AIBU isn't it? Grin You're all lovely.

The exercise has been great though. I was doing things I didn't think my body was capable of after a few weeks of feeling like I'd broken my ankles. Great to burn off my anxiety too.

The thought of just 5 minutes on the crosstrainer fills me with dread now. I wasn't going to the gym everyday - aiming for 5 times a week, achieving 4 or 6 depending on what kind of week it was. I had the mindset I was in training for the rest of my life!

It's kind of like I realised I was actually going to achieve my dream of being fit and healthy so I just stoppedConfused.

The hot days didn't help either as thought it was too hot to do anything let alone run to the gym.

Well I'll get this horrendous period (that HAD improved too) out of the way and onwards we go.

I had actually said to DH that I was happy we weren't going away over the summer so my routine wouldn't be broken Hmm and I would have gone too far to ever go back by the time we go away at ChristmasHmm.

Flossing is now second nature which is a good thing. Feet are back looking like donkeys hooves though - start back on that now!

OP posts:
Branleuse · 17/08/2018 22:11

You can do it. Treat yourself to a new album for your mp3, and dont let yourself listen to it till youre on the treadmill. Get back in slowly, half an hour. Set a date and expect the first 2 or 3 sessions back to feel hardcore, but you know after that how much better youll feel.
Im with you. I really need to get back to the gym too. I fell out of love with it and need to get the spark back

Ullupullu · 17/08/2018 22:13

Honestly OP you are trying too much at once and it is not sustainable.

For instance, 5 visits to the gym a week is unnecessary, especially for weight training where your body benefits from recovery. Aim for 3 times a week. Cut out sugar/snacks and stick to three meals a day. There, those are your realistic starting points.

And you can go to the gym on your period (shower before and after if needs be!) - I have horrendous periods but I still go if it's a gym day.

Ullupullu · 17/08/2018 22:14

You haven't "failed" by the way. Think of it as a bump in the road. Progress isn't always a straight line.