WTAF is wrong with me? Why do I keep self destructing!

[BiggestFattestLoser]

Up until a month ago, I had kept up 3 months of excellent self care - massively overhauled diet (which I was quite enjoying and was not hungry on), massively increased my fitness, kept up taking supplements, filing and creaming feet, face masks, hair treatments, nail filing and polishing, flossing, going to bed earlier.

I lost 2 stone of the 5 I need to lose and feel immeasurably better and more importantly, strong - weight training helped that a lot. My mindset was positive about myself after a lot of work on it (abusive, neglectful childhood, trauma in adulthood, no self esteem).

I found a formula which suited me of 2000 calories in and 1000-1200 out purely by 2 hours a day of hard exercise and I felt amazing after it.

Surprisingly I found it quite easy and sustainable.

Then I got a bit of a sore throat and felt like I had a flu type thing coming on, so decided to miss the gym for a few days. That gave me carte blanch to eat everything in sight. Then I stopped taking my vitamins, creaming my feet and it all went to shit!

I haven't done any exercise of note now for over 4 weeks and have put almost a stone back on. I am starting to feel breathless walking up the stairs again and my legs ache.

Worst thing is that my GP agreed to me coming off my blood pressure pills as I reduced my blood pressure right down half way through. Now it's probably up again. at self.

Everyday I say to myself, I'll get back in the saddle tomorrow but don't. Its not even the DC being off school that's hampering me, they're age 9 and up and I can fit exercise in if I really want to as teens at home. DH has had 3 weeks at home out of the last 4 but I still did nothing!

This the longest period ever of me looking after myself and I finally believed I'd cracked it and my dream of losing this excess weight I've carried since having DC1 (20 years old) would come true!

Why, why, why have I sabotaged myself again!

Pile in and give me a kicking, I need it .

Ergh I know this feeling.
It’s like I can’t let my life just be great. I have to cock it up somehow.
I gained two stone this year having lost 4.5 over the two years prior to that. Having firmly drawn a in the sand in May I have gone on to gain another 7lbs so feel your pain.

Am currently at a fitness bootcamp cursing myself and how I have let this happen (again!)

Commit to getting back on it and keep your head straight for a few days, It takes me three days to get back into the swing of things.

OP - sounds like you are doing amazing to me, don't beat yourself up! It's cooled off a bit now (I think anyone who says their exercise routine stayed exactly the same during the heatwave is either a machine or fibbing!). I always find after a bit of a break that the first session back is the worst, get that done and you'll get the endorphins going again! Good luck, you can definitely do it!

2hrs exercise a day! You are like me, all or nothing. I've found I do better going less hell for leather at it. Then it feels less like an overly rigid hard to sustain 'regime' that I feel pressured by & more like just being a healthier way of life. Happy medium in everything is a good way to go.

You can let this be part of the story where you had a blip but you got back up, carried on and got to a healthy weight or you can totally give up. The people who manage to loose the weight for good are the ones who get back to it when they inevitably have a bad meal/day/week. I second a PP who said aim for 3 times a week for exercise and 3 meals without snacking - and factor in a time of the week when you can eat what you want or it just gets too much. Say, Sunday Lunch you can eat a roast and have dessert. Also, the NHS has some great rescources - Couch to 5k, Active 10 and a forum for support on Health Unlocked where you can weigh-in every week. Good luck

so decided to miss the gym for a few days. That gave me carte blanch to eat everything in sight.
This is really interesting as you would expect not going to the gym your body would feel like eating less.

Maybe try to look at what exactly makes you want to overeat in that situation. Are you eating for comfort, because of boredom, emotional reasons?