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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To refuse for this person to see DC

35 replies

MamaHechtick · 17/08/2018 18:50

Father in law has a new partner that he has been seeing for around a year. We met her when they came over (usually live abroad) back in March. The first meeting was ok, she seemed a little odd but I thought it was perhaps the cultural difference.

They then came back recently in June. I spent 3 days alone with her and FIL. During this time I witnessed from her a lot of emotionally abusive behaviour towards FIL. Firstly she kept taking his phone off of him and refusing to give it back to him, she refused to be in any photos and almost had a breakdown that she thought I'd taken a photo of her, she also told me he is a 'player', then she implied there was something going on between him and i, and the last thing was she started to physically attack him in our home, DH saw this and said to either stop or get out.
We then find out that fil doesn't know anything about her and has never met her family, by anything I mean her proper name, her surname, where she lives. Literally nothing! Obviously this screams alarm bells at me.

We are due to meet up as a family this weekend, DH said to fil he wants to know who she is before we agree, the new woman then calls DH saying she can't tell him anything as "the government are speaking with her family as one member is very important and has made positive changes for the world" also that she has worked for the FBI and CIA and there will be a movie out about her family soon.

Now, am I being unreasonable to say I don't believe this story one bit, so much that I laughed, and I do not want her anywhere near my DC? At the moment I can't make up my mind if she's a con artist or mentally unwell. She has a passport and has gotten into this country without hassle, but of course that could be a fake. I'm just very uneasy now about the whole situation and cannot believe that fil has introduced this woman into our lives and homes.

OP posts:
Chocolala · 17/08/2018 18:56

She’s a fantasist. She may even believe her own lies. Avoid like plague.

MissusGeneHunt · 17/08/2018 19:05

Avoid avoid and rescue FIL if possible. Bad luck OP, tricky situation....

KC225 · 17/08/2018 19:12

The woman is a nutcase and I think your FIL could be in real danger

ChaffyMcChaff · 17/08/2018 19:14

Jesus!!! She's bonkers and your dad is vulnerable...you really need to help him! Is he usually so naive OP?

SemperIdem · 17/08/2018 19:15

She’s a couple of cans short of a six pack.

Any hope of getting your FIL to see sense where she is concerned?

MamaHechtick · 17/08/2018 19:17

Fil is usually an intelligent man, he has money and a lot of properties.
He was married to mil a long time, his last partner was lovely and we've never had anything like this before.
I'm not sure if he believes her or is trying to save face and not admit he's made a massive mistake.

OP posts:
Coffeeandcakeplease16 · 17/08/2018 19:21

Could she be married? How often does he see her?

IceCreamFace · 17/08/2018 19:23

Well obviously you don't want her near your DV and you need to try and help FiL she sounds completely delusional.

MamaHechtick · 17/08/2018 19:23

She says she's widowed. She says she has two older children, the son has the same name as DH, but we've never been told her daughter's name.

This also worried me, she said she had a son exactly like our ds but he died, I know, another alarm bell.

OP posts:
MamaHechtick · 17/08/2018 19:24

She has pretty much moved in with fil in his home abroad, he didn't ask her, she's just never gone home. They've been over here on holiday for two months now.

OP posts:
BunsOfAnarchy · 17/08/2018 19:29

Oh dear. Rescue fil if you can!

Missingstreetlife · 17/08/2018 19:32

There goes your inheritance

Bunbunbunny · 17/08/2018 19:42

Sod the inheritance he’s being abused by this woman, physical hitting, with holding phone / communication get him away from her!

BabySharkDooDooDooDoo · 17/08/2018 19:49

Your fil needs to run away from her faster than usain bolt winning an olympic gold. She sounds bloody dangerous

MamaHechtick · 17/08/2018 19:52

We have said to him that she isn't right, especially after the 3 days. He apparently said to mil (his ex wife) that he would be getting rid of her when they go back home, but in the meantime wants us to go along with it. I'm just not comfortable with the DC being around her and seeing that behaviour, or not knowing what the hell she will do to them.

OP posts:
BathroomLights · 17/08/2018 19:54

he has money and a lot of properties.

There you go. She's a fraud fruitloop.

onalongsabbatical · 17/08/2018 19:56

Christ on a bike that sounds awful. I'm not one to get hysterical but I have to admit the words 'consult the police' appeared in my head reading that. I think your poor fil is being taken for a ride, it could turn nasty, and as you said he's possibly embarrassed and trying to save face. You need to act. At best she's mad (yes, ill). At worst it could be much worse I think. Straight talk to him at the very least - tell him how scared you are that he's being massively conned. Tell him you love and support him and will help. I can't imagine he's not worried at all himself, he must on some level be praying for outside help, surely?

onalongsabbatical · 17/08/2018 19:57

x-posted. No, you can't go along with it, surely?

Piffle11 · 17/08/2018 19:57

Oh my goodness she's a complete lunatic. How old is FIL? Is he sane? I don't mean that in a flippant way, it's just that she's clearly the sort of person no-one of sane mind would want to be anywhere near. She could be very dangerous. Your DH really needs to speak to his DF alone and find out what on earth is going on. Before you know it he'll be texting you telling you he wants nothing to do with any of you, and she will have taken over everything he has.

Piffle11 · 17/08/2018 19:59

Sorry just read your update … he wants you to go along with it? NO!! He's putting you all in potential harm's way! Thing about people like this is that if they don't get their way with their intended target, they sometimes try and harangue those close to them. Don't put any of you in danger - tell FIL to tell Ms Crazy that you are on holiday.

MamaHechtick · 17/08/2018 20:00

Fil is 65. He has family here and is still in contact with mil and her family, plus family where he lives.
DH said he is going to contact aunt's and uncles and let them know the update on her. Unfortunately fil is extremely stubborn though and will be very embarrassed by the situation.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 17/08/2018 20:03

I do hope he hasn’t signed anything over to her already. She sounds deranged, maybe a sociopath. I agree. He’s potentially in danger. Once she has what she wants and assuming she’s a sociopath, he’s disposable.

MamaHechtick · 17/08/2018 20:06

I guess the one good thing with him not knowing anything about her, he can't sign anything over to her without seeing her name?
She refuses to fly on the same flight with him, and when she was getting a mobile phone over here she wouldn't give the details with him there, the same happened when she got an eye test. So she's giving her details to these people, but not when fil or anyone is around.

OP posts:
IncrediblySturdyPyjamas · 17/08/2018 20:18

Can he let her get an earlier flight, and then fly off to a different country, ditch his phone and lose her completely?

EdisonLightBulb · 17/08/2018 20:21

Gosh, she could be financially fleecing him, and then disappear into the sunset and neither he nor the police will have a clue who he is.

Maybe the whole family should confront her, or take your dad to one side.

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