Quick poll - if you are NC with a family member...

[small2018]

...do you/would you send their DC cards/gifts on their birthday even if they don't send anything for your DC?

No

No, zero contact has to mean zero contact.

No.

No.

What do you think no contact means?

No. We send nothing to them, they send nothing to us. (Btw, this is the most difficult part. I still love my nephews very much but their mother’s behaviour makes it impossible for us to have any sort of relationship)

No because that's opening up channels of possible communication/further abuse.

NC means exactly that.

No.

No

Does the child notice? Does the child even care when xxxx hasn't sent a card?

I don't send cards to anyone anymore. Whatsapp and texts only. If they are too young to read a Whatsapp message, then they won't miss a card.

No - unless they are adults you can have an independent relationship with. I wouldnt let people send my children presents if they were nc with me or dh.

no. pointless, and complicated, and in the long run who needs the complications in their lives?

Best not to have any sort of relationship at all

No.

And when my own DC's received a present from the NC family member, this was returned as the DC's had no relationship with this adult. I couldn't understand why the NC adult woukd refuse to be in contact but then send a gift. A relationship, love and time was much more important than a gift.

No.

No

No

I do have a relationship with the child/ren in question as they are 9 and 11 this year and my sister hasn’t spoken to me for the past 3 months and didn’t come to my DS’s birthday party or send him anything etc when I invited her.

No.

Exactly the same as Flickerfromview.

I send my sister's adult children a card, but not the younger ones. The adults I have a relationship with in in their own right, but I never get to see the younger ones thanks to their mum's behaviour :(

I send my nephew cards and gifts and she sends to my DS. I still see my nephew through my DM.

I send birthday cards to my nieces and nephews. Only one is under 18 so he still gets birthday and Christmas money. I don't send to their parents and thankfully they've now stopped sending to me.

It's complicated ...
NC with mother & sister but still send birthday & Xmas gifts to niece & nephew.

I think 3 months isn’t really long enough to assume non contact long term.

I would send and see what happens.

I am NC with my sister due to years of constant abuse off her.
I always send her children Birthday and Christmas presents and cards, as it’s not the children’s fault and I don’t believe they should be involved.
I’m obviously in the minority though.

MaryShelley1818 - does she send cards/gifts to your DC?

*I think 3 months isn’t really long enough to assume non contact long term.

I would send and see what happens.*

I know what she's like. She won't speak to me until I make contact/be the bigger person which isn't going to happen.