To ask nursery not to let DS play with pens?

[PleaseLetItBeNapTime]

DS is almost two and attends nursery. Whilst he is not really fussed about crayons he loves to have a scribble in pen and staff at nursery have seen this. The issue is that he has been coming home with his clothes covered in ink which I can’t get out (I’ve tried using alcohol and glycerine to no avail).

WIBU to have a chat with nursery and ask them not to let him have pens? To me that’s common sense unless he is closely supervised, but they seem to think it’s ok which makes me feel that IABU?

Just as a side note DS goes to nursery mostly in Primark’s finest and wears his nicer clothes on non-nursery days, but all the same I’ve had to throw away quite a few items now and money doesnt grow on trees.

Why would they judge you?
School have a big notice that states 'if youre child comes home dirty it's because they had fun at school today!'

Then mud = outside play
Pens - writing
Paint - art work

Etc etc

Stop worrying - you want your child to have fine motors skills ready for school, and all this perfect clothing gets in the way as the start to worry about making a mess

Chill out

I usually dress my kids in lovely, high quality clothes. They dress so much better than I do dragged through hedge but I gave up sending DS1 to nursery in nice, stain-free clothes.

I ended up sending him in cheap joggers/Black multipack tshirts. Every decent outfit I had for him was ruined with "washable" paint/pen marks/suncream/glue/glitter glue/food. Seriously, how does anyone get dried wheatabix off a light tshirt??

I kept the better quality/smarter clothes for weekends. I'll do the same for DS2 when I'm back at uni.

my child is 5 and is the same as shoelaces, he also has wipe boards at school and every one of his school shirts is covered in pen.
so unfortunately you will probably be dealing with pen on tops for a few years yet.
however after reading this thread i think i will try out the hairspray trick this year and hope it works

I'd get him a cheap dark coloured track suit and let him go for it at nursery - the marks won't show as much and he can enjoy his pen scribbling.

Are you sure he is getting the pen on himself, and not another child using him for scribbling practice (I only ask because my DD once came home covered in felt pen from playgroup and said happily 'Rowan coloured me in' )

I must try the hairspray trick on a hoody if mine which got washed with a pen in the pocket and naturally the pen leaked.

No one will judge you, really. Our nursery seems to pride itself on getting them as mucky as possible, especially with mud. Its optional uniform t shirts (mainly black) were very popular!

Vanish or biotex for weetabix, soak before washing. Stain slayer is good if you can find it. Agree, dark clothes or wash and wear the artwork. What denim was invented for!

I've always had "nursery clothes" for this reason, was worried initially I would get judged for sending them in stained clothes, but stuff just gets ruined with paint/food/mud. I would advise on just getting some cheap basics like tops & track suit bottoms from primark.

Just wait until he starts school and comes home with black pen all over his expensive logo school uniform. Now that is bloody annoying and can't just be chucked out otherwise you'd be spending hundreds of pounds on uniform each term.

Just send him in the stained stuff. If you are worried about this now you are going to have a life time of angst and expense ahead of you.

My DD2 went to school through most of her high school years in pale blue shirts stained with luminous green paint. I couldn't get it out and i was not replacing shirts which still fitted her. No-one judged and she didn't care.

Just relax.

@AntoinetteOuradi - now that would be a far more interesting post lol

@PorkFlute - I don't expect 1-2-1 supervision at nursery, I was just saying that at home I closely supervise him when he has a pen

@TheFairyCaravan -thanks for that tip! Will definitely try that out!

In regards to why I was worried about judgement, it's because I work with children and families and have witness many conversations like the following:

"oo poor DS of PleaseLetItBeNapTime, always in nursery in stained clothes - does his mum ever do any washing?!"
"Come to think of it he had two bowls of porridge at breakfast - if she can't be bothered to wash clothes I bet she isn't feeding him properly at home either".

I probably am being a bit paranoid but now I know the consensus is that AIBU, if the hairspray trick doesn't work, I will be sending him in in stained clothing, with an explanation.

Oh that’s some nasty judge renarks from them op how unprofessional.

You can tell the kids who are neglected. They smell. Their hair smells.They are hungry constantly to the point of grabbing 3 biscuits when offered the plate not one, they have the weeks food stains on their clothes.

Totally different to clean smelling but pen decorated clothes

I work with children and families and have witness many conversations like the following

Honestly I would be more concerned with your colleagues if the first thing they though of when seeing a toddler with stained clothes is that his parents didn't wash and he was being neglected. It says a heck of a lot more about your colleagues than it does about the parents who didn't throw away perfectly good clothes because they had marks and stains on them. I have never witnessed that attitude within Early Years settings its worrying that their idea of safeguarding issues is so far from what I'd perceive as normal.

I've seen a few people say wipe boards - isn't it White boards??

I think there’s a big difference between clothing that’s clean but had pen or paint marks on it and clothing that is stained with food or dirty and hasn’t been washed in a while.

Just keep the stained stuff for nursery. It’s great he’s enjoying himself!

I'd ask them if they could use washable pens as his clothes are getting ruined. I'd have thought it was standard.

Honestly, I'd never send my child anywhere in stained clothing. I wouldn't go anywhere in dirty clothes and my standards aren't lower for my child. I'm always surprised when people say to send in stained clothes on mn as no one I know does that.

My children go to nursery looking feral. Do not worry. If they have concerns it will be reported and then unfounded. They also make it look like I don’t feed them, but actually they’re just bottomless pits... in dirty holey clothes.
I’ve actually complained about nursery staff making silly comments like you mention, it’s pure judgement, and concerns need to be acknowledged in a different way.

HeadsDownThimbsUpEveryone

Sgree it demonstrates s shocking lack of knowledge of signs of abuse/neglect. Basic knowledge for any EY practitioner

No ask them to put an apron on him

@HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone - I work within a statutory safeguarding context (take from that what you will), and unfortunately attitudes like this are common and I find that colleagues at times hold parents to ridiculously high, and often unobtainable standards.

On the one hand it's shocking and wrong, but on the other due to the ramifications of 'missing' anything, taking a situation or occurrence to the 1000th degree is a practice used to cover oneself.

That hairspray one is a great tip... am off to try it

P.s. I am friends with a nursery nurse and she tells me they aren’t even remotely bothered about stained clothing... the things they would take notice of are filthy nails, bottoms of the feet constantly dirty etc

That's quite a scary update OP! Interesting your colleagues seem so intent to judge mothers rather than fathers too.

Honestly, if you're worried, black tops! To this day I avoid buying mine white clothes, except summer school socks and t shirts, and they're in junior school. Why buy something that's easily ruined by sunscreen, when you can just as easily buy a different colour?

Sorry op but they sound unqualified unprofessional and thick.

And second black tops and dark joggers.