Who is BU? Wedding drama!

[CowgirlBride]

So I'm getting married in 6 days time, but not in the county where I live. Me and DH-to-be have an early appointment on Saturday as the final one with the venue (where we take them all the table plan stuff etc) We were going to travel down and stay at my DM's house the night before (so tomorrow night) so we didn't have to worry about long journey/traffic on Saturday morning (she lives in same county as venue)

My DM has just rung me to say that my DB and DS-in-law and 2 DN came down to see her on Monday as they were having their family bathroom done. On Sunday my DB came down with a sickness bug. They didn't change their plans to come and he arrived with bug. DS and both DN then came down with it whilst they were there - they stayed until Wednesday. DM initially thought she has dodged it but came down ill last night/this morning. She is now ill and concerned about exposing me and DH-to-be to it so close to our wedding. We normally stay in the annex at my DM's (not as posh as it sounds) so can go and stay without seeing her and exposing us to bug, which is what we have decided to do rather than risk missing appointment.

The trouble is that DM was making up the favours (they were of the edible variety) so the stuff for that is all at her house except one bit that I've got. We were going to come and make those all up together Friday night as it wouldn't take long with 3 of us doing it. The food won't be contaminated as it's all sealed but obviously we can't make them up there now. We really needed to take them Saturday morning but I don't want to go into the house and risk getting ill for the wedding.

When I said to DM why did my DB et al still decide to come when they knew
a) DB was ill
b) DM was subsequently seeing me and DH
and c) DM was making the edible favours for our wedding
She said it's because the bathroom was being done up. Whilst I understand it would have made things difficult being ill, they do have a small downstairs bathroom so it wasn't like they wouldn't have had a toilet at all!
So now I've got to work out a way to get favours made up and to the venue, whilst simultaneously trying not to get S&D for the wedding. We are not back there until evening before wedding.
I really feel like ringing DB and telling him off for being so inconsiderate!
AIBU?

Forget the favours, too much trouble at last minute with 101 other things to worry about. If they're edible maybe you can just pop out and buy something suitable instead. It's a bit ott to ring DB and tear him off a strip. It probably didn't occur to him that the bug could spread; he wanted to attend; he didn't want to let people down yadda yadda. Have a lovely day, and I hope the sun shines.

Nobody will notice that there aren't any favours. Forget them and enjoy your day. And try to have a bit of sympathy for a whole family with D&V and one loo!

No-one remembers the favours, seriously enjoy your wedding.

You wouldn’t be the first bride to get het up about favours at the last minute. You’re getting married but life goes on for everyone else. Forget the favours, let everyone rest and recover so they don’t feel miserable at your wedding.

Congrats and have fun!!

Forget the favours. They aren't worth it, no one really cares about them and there's no sensible way of getting them sorted safely.

It drives me mad when people don't deal with d&v properly. He should have stayed at home! I know the bathroom was being done, but he's spread it around.
Anyway as pp have said, ditch the favours. Hope it goes well!

It's very annoying yes but I agree with the other posters, let it go and just focus on looking forward to your day. Once it's all over it can be something you laugh about as a family and use to taunt your brother

• "hey remember that time you infected everyone right before my wedding? Yeah you still owe me for that! "

Don’t do the favours. Not worth the risk of a whole wedfing party being ill for a couple of almonds. Honestly nobody will notice. But D&V will be remembered on mass for the wrong reasons.

If fa ours are edible I'd just take the edible things and throw them in a bowl at the last second. Sell on any other bits you bought to make them.

I got married 2 months ago and trust me when I say, on the day you won't give a seconds worth of though to the favours or anything else that might not go to plan, you'll just love the day and realise that nothing was worth worrying about!

Congratulations in advance!

Yes, YABU.
Just forget the 'favours' and stay clear of the house, then enjoy the wedding. Fingers crossed everyone is well enough to attend, and that no-one catches anything once there.

"probably didn't occur to him that the bug could spread; he wanted to attend; he didn't want to let people down yadda yadda. Have a lovely day, and I hope the sun shines."

Sorry, who doesn't know that bugs are contagious?! Of course he would know a bug spreads, and that crap about not letting people down, did you read the OP? He went because his bathroom was being done up.

Why are people so bloody selfish when they are ill! I know so many who carry on about their business, not giving a crap that they are just passing it to everyone else.

I'd be fuming OP. He should never have gone and he has been really selfish.

I promise you not one guest will notice no favours, if you'd made them most would be left on the table as people just don't give a shit.
Good luck for the wedding.

Oh God, I remember the week before the wedding.

Everything seems so much worse than it is.

DB didn't mean to be inconsiderate, and although no favours seems like the end of the world right now, it really isn't.

YABU.

I agree with those saying to forget the favours. Nobody cares about them or will notice that they are missing. If they are sweet then they will mostly be eaten by kids anyway, who will then go on a wild sugar rampage (or is that just my DC?).

I'm sorry you're stressed but DB was probably only thinking about the benefit of an extra bathroom and didn't think about the consequences. It's hard to think beyond your immediate needs with D&V.

YABU though - nobody remembers the favours so I'd cross them off your list now. I asked family recently if they remembered what favours we had: they all said sugared almonds. Since we didn't have any favours I consider this quite amusing and a sign that people remember what they expected from a wedding rather than what they actually had.

Have a lovely day

Favours are a totally pointless waste of time anyway, so that’s one less thing to worry about.

Sorry you have this extra stress but even when you are getting married life goes on for everyone else.
Your DB was being selfish staying and infecting your mum but that applies regardless of the wedding. And perhaps they discussed it and she was happy to take the risk?

I cannot remember any wedding favours from all the weddings I've ever been to. Apart from the crumbled up silky bag of sweeties that I found in the bottom of my best bag, which had oozed some sort of sticky almondy stuff onto the lining. Even then, it could have been one of two weddings, I truly can't remember which one.

See, this comes under the heading of shit (literally) happens, yes, your brother should have quarantined himself for the duration of his illness but he didn't. So, what do you expect him to do about it now? Will an apology make you feel better or do you expect him to compensate you for the wasted favours?

I sincerely doubt uppermost in his thoughts was how to ruin your wedding via some convoluted domino effect that culminated in thwarting your plan to make favours. The impact on your wedding favours would occur to no one but you, because, honestly, the only person those favours matter to is you. The success or failure of your wedding will not hang on their presence or non-presence. My advice OP, let it go, don't get into a row with your DB about it, it's done get over it, relax and enjoy your wedding. Congrats btw.

The only wedding favour I remember is a little fruit shaped candle. One of the other guests thought it was a sweet and tucked in.
Forget about the favours and enjoy your wedding.

food

Family member

In the long run, what's actually more important?

OP "I really feel like ringing DB and telling him off for being so inconsiderate! "

I would do that. Hopefully he will learn to keep his bugs away from people next time.

also, forget the favours!

I really would avoid your mums house, stay somewhere else, or you can depend upon it that you too will pick up the bug.

Its obviously very contagious.

As everyone has said, don’t worry about the favours, no one will mind, but being ill on your wedding day, or the day after will be a nightmare

I wouldnt say anything to your brothers family either, they had their own crisis, and they didnt think about the implications...dont fall out over it, life is too short