Who is BU? Wedding drama!

[CowgirlBride]

So I'm getting married in 6 days time, but not in the county where I live. Me and DH-to-be have an early appointment on Saturday as the final one with the venue (where we take them all the table plan stuff etc) We were going to travel down and stay at my DM's house the night before (so tomorrow night) so we didn't have to worry about long journey/traffic on Saturday morning (she lives in same county as venue)

My DM has just rung me to say that my DB and DS-in-law and 2 DN came down to see her on Monday as they were having their family bathroom done. On Sunday my DB came down with a sickness bug. They didn't change their plans to come and he arrived with bug. DS and both DN then came down with it whilst they were there - they stayed until Wednesday. DM initially thought she has dodged it but came down ill last night/this morning. She is now ill and concerned about exposing me and DH-to-be to it so close to our wedding. We normally stay in the annex at my DM's (not as posh as it sounds) so can go and stay without seeing her and exposing us to bug, which is what we have decided to do rather than risk missing appointment.

The trouble is that DM was making up the favours (they were of the edible variety) so the stuff for that is all at her house except one bit that I've got. We were going to come and make those all up together Friday night as it wouldn't take long with 3 of us doing it. The food won't be contaminated as it's all sealed but obviously we can't make them up there now. We really needed to take them Saturday morning but I don't want to go into the house and risk getting ill for the wedding.

When I said to DM why did my DB et al still decide to come when they knew
a) DB was ill
b) DM was subsequently seeing me and DH
and c) DM was making the edible favours for our wedding
She said it's because the bathroom was being done up. Whilst I understand it would have made things difficult being ill, they do have a small downstairs bathroom so it wasn't like they wouldn't have had a toilet at all!
So now I've got to work out a way to get favours made up and to the venue, whilst simultaneously trying not to get S&D for the wedding. We are not back there until evening before wedding.
I really feel like ringing DB and telling him off for being so inconsiderate!
AIBU?

The “other county” thing is odd: roughly how many miles do you live from the venue? Get that traffic can be an issue, but it may also be that you are anxious about stuff and being OTT.

You’re brave staying at the house (even annexed). I’d be at the nearest Premier!

Favours aren’t important but if you are not getting married until next Wednesday the venue don’t need them in Saturday. If you are really set on having favours get someone to bring them on the day. If they are to be on the table then members of the wedding party can nip round and put them out before anyone sits down, it will take a few minutes.

YWBVU to ring your brother and tell him off. People do not have to rearrange their whole lives around things which might or might not affect tiny details of your wedding weeks in advance of it. Get over yourself.

Nobody cares about favours, ditch them. And yabu to ring up the brother, what would be the point in that?

The best wedding favour I’ve ever had was a packet of love heart sweets. It was great and kept me occupied during the worst speeches I’ve ever heard.

I'm with you OP. It would really irritate me! You've enough stress as it is without D&V lurking round the corner. And I like favours. We had them, they were twee and brilliant and I'm glad we did them. Maybe don't have a go at DB as it doesn't change the situation. Just see what you can do to move on from this and keep getting ready for your wedding!!

Your wedding favours were as far removed from your DB’s mind as the Mariana Trench, whilst he was dealing with his bathroom being rebuilt whilst suffering from D&V - honestly. He really isn’t trying to sabotage your favours. Let it go.

But I’d be staying well away from your DM’s house.

Ditch the favours, nobody will care if they aren’t there but nobody wants to get ill from contact with them.

I’d stay away from your mum’s house TBH, there’s every chance that you’ll catch what they’ve all had, and being a bit late to a meeting about table decorations is very small fry compared to D&V bug on your wedding day. Stay at a local Travelodge or something if needs be, but avoid your mum’s house.

Agree with everyone else - stay at a travel lodge and ditch the favours. Literally no one will notice or care.

No drama needed. Ditch the favours.

Hope everything else goes brilliantly on your wedding day. ❤️❤️❤️

How would you DB know it was a virus and not just something he ate?

I wouldn't make an issue of it, shit happens....ha !

Agree no one will notice the absence of favours. If they are still sealed maybe send them out with the thank yous or something or donate them to charity so they aren't wasted.

YANBU to be a bit annoyed with your DB but there is nothing to be gained by saying something to him about it

Its one of those things that with hindsight it's easy to say he shouldn't have done but we all make mistakes

Please don't stress about the favours. People's enjoyment of your wedding will not be affected a jot by the presence or absence of favours

Thank you for all your comments, I posted just after I came off the phone and was just “whyyyyy???? Why have you done this????”
You are all of course right that the favours aren’t the be all and end all. I think the reason I’m upset is cos my DD passed away 2 months ago and obviously my DM is devastated, as we all are. One of the things my DM was doing for us was the favours, which she hadn’t been able to do before as she was DD carer. She’d taken great pride in them and had bought lots of little bits to personalise them for us as a couple and I think I’m just devastated that they might not get used after all her hard work. But some of your comments made me really laugh which is good! I’m already thinking on a practical solution.
HarryPotter - thank you for saying exactly what I was thinking - who doesn’t know bugs spread?
BlackAmericano -no no that will be my four DN as well! 😂
Loopy - approximate 70 miles but with a big problem traffic area in between.
Bridget - if you read it I hadn’t rung my brother (just really wanted) Also it wasn’t weeks in advance as wedding is in 6 days. Also I hardly think making the bride and groom sick just before their wedding as well as potential infecting all our wedding guests as a “tiny detail”!!

I'd forget the favours!!
I don't think you are being unreasonable to be annoyed. Tummy bugs are so contagious and it really really gets on my nerves that people don't follow advice on them!! That's why they spread like wildfire. I would avoid your mum's house if i were you as the advice is to avoid for 48 hours since last episode of D or V & if anyone else lives there, then they are probably carrying it too. I am super strict om tummy bug rules though as i get really anxious about catching them and certainly would not want one for my wedding 😬. Not worth the risk!!

I agree, @CowgirlBride - he was an idiot, and everyone knows you have to quarantine d&v as best you can, especially before a wedding!! There was someone posting a little while back about a selfish guest at her wedding that had the same, attended the wedding and spread it to everyone, including the grandparents and the bride and groom. He's a numpty and it's a real shame about the favours.

Btw DD is dad, didn't consider it could be daughter!

@Clionba - can you post a link?

hope you have a lovely wedding hun

@CowgirlBride - I'll try and find it.

The best wedding favour I’ve ever had was a packet of love heart sweets. It was great and kept me occupied during the worst speeches I’ve ever heard.

I was just about to post the same. You can get mini packets in some pick and mix.

assuming DM is better by tomorrow she wont be contagious by Sunday. She can surely get the favours ready without you and find a way to get them to the venue even if it's not until the wedding day? DB could help maybe?

also agree that you should not stay there

@garethsouthgatesmrs yeah you're right she will likely be better, I'm just concerned about her preparing them in her house when my DN have been all over it with their bug infected hands and no matter how hard she cleans there's still a risk and there are elderly people at the wedding. DB lives 2 hours away so no chance there!

Send the favours in the thank you cards?
I'd love to get personal used sweets in the post as a thank you