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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Would you say SIL is a Cheeky Fucker?

57 replies

escapetothecuntree · 16/08/2018 13:58

I'm extremely unfit to leave the house today. I'm okay within myself but looking after DS of 8 months is hard enough. He's walking, and I can't walk. If I do, I flood everywhere, despite heavy duty pads Sad

SIL thinks I'm ill with a vomiting bug (she saw me vomiting yesterday), but really I'm heavy bleeding from a miscarriage. We didn't tell anyone so I just want to keep it a secret.

SIL looks after our nephews (2.5 and 1 year) 2.5 days a week, for next to nothing so I understand she must be getting stressed. She's had them overnight recently because their mum is working away. Only happens twice a year when the work is there. SIL also has her own DC, age 8 and 3.

We all have a rota to walk our MIL's dog, since she isn't there during the day anymore for reasons I won't go into.

Today was my day. SIL messaged saying "Are you in London today?"

I said no, as I had to cancel. I'm still ill vomiting.

SIL "I was going to say, if you come and sit with the kids for an hour I'll go walk the dog"

I said that's fine, I was going to get a taxi there to MIL's.

SIL said "Ok" and then 5 mins later texted to say "Let me know if you feel better later and I'll go walk Harley as I need to pop to Iceland"

AIBU or is she being a bit cheeky? She thinks I'm vomiting.

Why would I want to go and look after another 4 children, 3 of which need their bums wiping?

It just seems off to me.

AIBU or is it a bit cheeky fucker?

OP posts:
Makemineboozefree · 16/08/2018 14:44

Sent the second text, I mean.

3stonedown · 16/08/2018 14:45

Sorry about your miscarriage. No I don't think she was being a CF. In fact given your update about how much she gets paid etc I would say she is quite the opposite of a CF.

ShumpaLumpa · 16/08/2018 14:47

Sorry, I think she was desperate rather than cheeky.

Sorry for your miscarriage Flowers

Why is SIL still on the rota for dog walking rota when she is doing so much childcare?

The real CFs here are the BIL and SIL paying her peanuts for childcare.

Is she your DP's sister? He needs to stand up for her and support her.

sonjadog · 16/08/2018 14:50

No, I don´t think she is a CF, just someone who is stressed and trying to juggle everything.

MarthasGinYard · 16/08/2018 14:51

I think she's a bit fraught and not thinking TBH rather than a CF.

Cannot believe she does all that for 50 quid a week. She's mad.

So sorry BTWThanks

FrayedHem · 16/08/2018 14:52

Sorry about your miscarriage and the sickness to deal with on top of that.

Your SIL sounds a bit desperate rather than cheeky. If she were a cheeky fucker she'd just turn up with them all unannounced when she knows you'll be at MIL's and disappear off in a puff of smoke! The offer of the dog vs children swap if you were feeling better later, sounds like she was trying to find a way she could go to the shops alone and was trying to offer you a something in return. Not the best deal going but the best she could come up with.

SunnyCoco · 16/08/2018 14:56

Yeh I’m with the other posters who say she’s not a cheeky fucker. Your response and the fact you’re fine to sort the dog made her think you’re feeling a bit better. Remember, she doesn’t know the reality.

She sounds stressed and desperate for a break. Her in laws are the cheeky ones paying her so little for such s lot of childcare.

I am sorry for your loss. I’ve been there and it’s horrendous x

HelpmeobiMN · 16/08/2018 15:01

I’m so sorry about your miscarriage.

I don’t think she was necessarily cheeky to ask you, but I can understand why you feel pressured given what you’re going through. Hope you’re ok.

Original poster
escapetothecuntree · 16/08/2018 15:02

I agree, I think she is just desperate Sad

It actually angers me to think about, and I'm not sure who I'm so cross at.

SIL for allowing it or my other SIL and BIL (SIL1's brother), for expecting all that for £50 a week.

I remember when BIL was complaining about the childcare costs just before his wife was due back at work.

SIL was there and he said quite obnoxiously "May as well just give up my business to be honest. So pointless me working with all these costs Angry"

OP posts:
Travis1 · 16/08/2018 15:10

Oh bless you, I think you're probably angry at the world just now Flowers sounds like your SIL is stressed out and obviously not knowing the full situation is just looking for an escape. Do only what you need to do and take it easy as much as possible x

MagicMojito · 16/08/2018 15:11

Agree with the other posters. She really isn't a cf here.

So sorry for your loss, take care of yourself Flowers
Xx

ShumpaLumpa · 16/08/2018 15:12

Could your DH stand up for her?

Not right now, you need DH to be there for you and you certainly don't need this stress right now.

But in time, could DH speak to desperate SIL and see how to resolve this? I.e, she gets paid properly or stops providing chicks care?

Tinkobell · 16/08/2018 15:15

She's not being cheeky. As a young mum yourself I'd level with her and tell her what's really happened to you. It sounds like shes got a lot on her plate too OP! I'm sure you can juggle things between you....good team work. Sorry about your loss OP ...you need time to grieve but it doesn't sound like family life is full on! Come clean.

Mummyoflittledragon · 16/08/2018 15:23

Your bil sounds like an arse. Your sil, who text you sounds desperate. I actually feel sorry for both of you being in an environment where you feel unable to support one another. Perhaps you could work on that when you’re feeling up to it. Sorry for your loss Flowers.

FrayedHem · 16/08/2018 15:25

Your other SIL and BIL sound like Cheeky Fuckers. I agree with ShumpaLumpa if there's anyone SIL could talk to about the childcare she's doing.

If she wants to up her hours when her youngest starts school, I'd be suggesting she stops the childcare before the summer holidays. SIL and BIL are going to be pissed off regardless, so she may as well have a less stressful summer next year.

TwoBlueShoes · 16/08/2018 15:27

The thing is, there is this magic word "no". Either of you can use it at any time and the world won't end.

I think it's fine for people to ask for favours, but it's also ok for people to say no.

SIL needs to stop the child minding if she doesn't want to do it.

Mrsmadevans · 16/08/2018 15:44

I am so sorry for you suffering a Miscarriage my dear Flowers . I think you are both being taken for granted. Your poor sil having to do all that no wonder she wants a break. I don't think she is being CF either .

Balaboosteh · 16/08/2018 16:13

I think you should work out what, under the horrible circumstances you are in, you want and need and then communicate that clearly to those around you. Focus on yourself, not your SIL.

Original poster
escapetothecuntree · 16/08/2018 16:51

Did you know, that £50 a week for 2 children with specialist, strictly vegetarian diets comes out of my SIL's pocket?

She provides breakfast, lunch and dinner for them. The only day she doesn't do them breakfast and lunch is when they're only with her for half a day.

I have asked SIL "What, they don't even provide/pay for their food?"

Her reply was no but they would if I asked Shock In a tone that made it sound like she actually said "No but they have offered"

I just feel so angry that BIL and SIL think it's perfectly okay to pay SIL £200 a month for 2 children, one of which is in nappies and the other one worse because he poos everywhere and hides behind places to go Envy All her sofas, cushions and stairs are ruined

OP posts:
Original poster
escapetothecuntree · 16/08/2018 16:52

Anyway, thanks for the replies earlier on Thanks

I have concluded that SIL isn't a cheeky fucker, just rather desperate.

I'd be pulling my hair out if I were her.

OP posts:
sonjadog · 16/08/2018 20:31

Understandably, you have other stuff to focus on right now, but maybe your SIL needs help in learning to say no and when you feel you have more energy you could try to support her in standing up for herself? It sounds like she might need some help.

Original poster
escapetothecuntree · 16/08/2018 20:57

somj It's a difficult one, she won't accept help and tell them where to go

Her own mum (my MIL) despairs at the situation

OP posts:
Beautifulblue · 16/08/2018 21:06

God I feel sorry for her. Sad sounds like she really loves her nieces/nephews though, or she's just to nice dumb to say no! If MIL despairs at the situation why is she still getting her to go & let her dog out on top of everything else? Hmm does she have to take 4 children with her to do that?! She probably just wanted an hours peace, cannot blame her. Sorry about your miscarriage OP.

Original poster
escapetothecuntree · 16/08/2018 21:14

Beau SIL only lets him out on the days that she's working (MIL's house is right next to her office)

She does love her nephews, yes, but she's clearly suffering for it stress wise and isn't shy in saying so. But won't say do to BIL/SIL

OP posts:
Original poster
escapetothecuntree · 17/08/2018 11:19

She just text to see if I fancied coming over today Sad

Think I'll go, I'm much better bleeding wise, it's just like a heavy period now.

Plus I can buy some KFC on the way Grin

OP posts:
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