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Original poster

Bridesmaid and pregnant

40 replies

LouiseRuf13 · 16/08/2018 13:04

This is my first time of posting on here so not sure I'm posting in the right place. Could do with some advice. So yesterday I got my bfp and will be my first so very excited/nervous. If I have calculated my dates correctly my due date will be the same week I am Maid of Honour to a friend and the hen party will be a 3 day event when I am 8 months pregnant. I'm not sure when to tell her as me and my partner want to wait until our 12 week scan before we do the big announcement. Should I still be involved in the wedding and hen as they are both taking place 3 hours drive away from home. Am I being silly worrying so much?!? 🙈😣

OP posts:
flowery · 16/08/2018 13:07

Well I wouldn’t want to be a bridesmaid at either 9 months pregnant or with a tiny newborn...

user1471459936 · 16/08/2018 13:08

Congratulations! Wait until the 12 week scan. It will still give the bride 6 months to find another maid of honour.

loveyoutothemoon · 16/08/2018 13:08

You do as much as you can manage, and if people are decent they'll be fine. Don't tell people before you're ready.

EveningShadows · 16/08/2018 13:08

Had this exact same situation and ended up telling the bride early so she could make other arrangements. DC came early but it was still only 4 weeks pre the wedding and no way did I feel up to being a bridesmaid. Was in hospital for the hen night!

I know the 12 week thing can be a big deal but I would tell the bride sooner rather than later and swear her to secrecy.

sexnotgender · 16/08/2018 13:09

I would let the bride know ASAP, it’s only fair.

Chances are you won’t be able to attend the wedding.

alpaca44 · 16/08/2018 13:09

You should definitely tell her now so you can both discuss it and give her plenty of time to sort things out.

Labmum · 16/08/2018 13:10

You'll likely have to step down as maid of honour. Its a big role for so close to your due date and letting her down short notice would be much harder. You'll probably be fine for the hen do, you might just need to go home a bit earlier from a night out or not take part in some activities. When will she be buying the bridesmaid dresses? I'd probably discuss it with her before then, if that's not happening in the next two months just leave it until after your scan.

Lovestonap · 16/08/2018 13:11

Yep, I pulled out of being bridesmaid for my best friend's wedding as soon as I found out. Gave her plenty of time to plan.
My baby came early so I made it to the wedding (with a tiny newborn) but only to the ceremony then had to come home and missed the reception.

BlingLoving · 16/08/2018 13:12

this is going against the grain here, but I would tell her. 12 weeks is still 2 months away and a lot of planning can happen in that time. If you are her maid of honour, i have to assume she's a good friend so surely her knowing this secret (sworn to secrecy( isn't that big a deal? And it means she gets plenty of time to consider what she wants to do and replace you in a casual way etc as necessary.

jaseyraex · 16/08/2018 13:12

I'd let her know asap, whether that be now or at 12 weeks. It's entirely possible that you'll have had the baby/be in labour come her wedding, so she'll need a back up or to just have someone else be maid of honour and you be a bridesmaid. Is the hen do just a big 3 day piss up? Or will you have a chance to relax and take it easy if you're feeling a bit run down? I've had terrible pregnancies and couldn't imagine anything worse than a 3 day hen do when heavily pregnant.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 16/08/2018 13:12

Firstly: congratulations!Flowers
I wouldn’t do a 3 day hen at 8months preganant, by that stage I needed the loo constantly and had the worst pelvic pain. Instead once the itinerary comes out could you attend parts of it ie. a dinner or an activity depending on what they decide. Being part of the wedding party when due is a no no. Your friend will understand. Are the plans being sorted now or can you wait until 12wks? Otherwise tell her in confidence and explain you don’t want her telling anyone else etc.

MyDirtyLittleSecret · 16/08/2018 13:13

If she's a close enough friend that you're her MOH then she's close enough to be told about your pregnancy and be asked to keep it quiet for now. The fact is you're probably going to be in no condition to want the extra stress and bother of dealing with your friend's wedding events at 8 months and you owe it to her to give her as much time as possible to make other arrangements.

Rosemary46 · 16/08/2018 13:13

I’d tell her now and swear her to secrecy

crosstalk · 16/08/2018 13:18

Wait till the 12 week scan unless she asks you to do something directly - then apologize and say why. You can still be helpful with planning but not the MoH or likely the hen party.

Original poster
LouiseRuf13 · 16/08/2018 13:20

Thank you so much. Really helpful advice I really appreciate it. Think you are right and maybe once I have got my own head around it will be the right time to tell her 😀 once I've done that I will be able to relax knowing I'm not leaving her in the lurch and can just enjoy being pregnant!!!!

OP posts:
HazelBite · 16/08/2018 13:24

Tell her asap. You have no idea how your pregnancy is going to be/progress there can be all sorts of problems, or it could go really smoothly. the baby could arrive really early or be really late.
If she is a close friend she will understand, at this stage of your pregnancy everything is an unknown, just be fair and upfront and tell her !

Caspiana · 16/08/2018 13:27

Congratulations!!

It’s up to you if you tell her now or not but if she’s about to invest in you being MOH as in buy your dress or something then I would tell her then.

I think the hen is a tall order - you may not want to be 3 hours from your hospital 8 months pregnant apart from anything else. One of my BM took me for afternoon tea to “make up” for not being on the hen as heavily pregnant. I didn’t expect this and it wasn’t necessary but it was really appreciated, maybe you could do something similar?

HugeAckmansWife · 16/08/2018 13:27

I would tell her ASAP so long as you can trust her to keep. It quiet. I was a bridesmaid at 38 weeks on a very hot day and it was tough but it wasnt my first child so I knew a bit more what to expect. Depends entirely on your relationship with the bride as to how you work it out from.here regarding whether you step down or carry on but with some duties redistributed.

SoozC · 16/08/2018 13:34

My matron of honour told me early when she knew, as I was in the middle of planning, although she was due about 4 weeks before my wedding. We arranged the hen so it fell when she was 6 months pregnant to make it manageable for her (I really wanted her there and it was a day rather than a night/weekend thing) and she brought her little one to the whole wedding - her husband looked after it most of the time and her older dc, she had a bridesmaid dress specifically altered for breastfeeding and just went off whenever she needed to (I remember her being worried to tell me she'd need to do this, like it would bother me that she would be looking after her baby and not 'present' at the whole day!).

Do tel the bride earlier because she never know what she might do to accommodate you. Obviously the due date falling in the same week is unfortunate but I'm sure she will appreciate having you be part of the things you can be.

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 16/08/2018 13:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Slimmingsnake · 16/08/2018 13:38

Tell your friend asap...a good friend will understand and relive you of your role...a bad friend will insist you continue regardless of cost to your health and stress levels

category12 · 16/08/2018 13:42

I'd tell her now, on a confidential basis, so that she has plenty of time to find someone else - chances are you'll struggle to be there.

MeyMary · 16/08/2018 13:43

I derfinitively wouldn't tell her now....

But I probably would feel bad waiting until the 12 weeks scan either.

Sometime between then and now?

mydietstartsmonday · 16/08/2018 13:44

I too say tell her as soon as you can. Ask her to keep it quite until you announce it.

BewareOfDragons · 16/08/2018 13:59

Wait until you've had your 12 week scan and then tell her.

Congratulations.

If she's not delighted for you and completely understanding about it, she's not the great friend you think she is.

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