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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Bridesmaid and pregnant

40 replies

LouiseRuf13 · 16/08/2018 13:04

This is my first time of posting on here so not sure I'm posting in the right place. Could do with some advice. So yesterday I got my bfp and will be my first so very excited/nervous. If I have calculated my dates correctly my due date will be the same week I am Maid of Honour to a friend and the hen party will be a 3 day event when I am 8 months pregnant. I'm not sure when to tell her as me and my partner want to wait until our 12 week scan before we do the big announcement. Should I still be involved in the wedding and hen as they are both taking place 3 hours drive away from home. Am I being silly worrying so much?!? 🙈😣

OP posts:

thecatsthecats · 16/08/2018 13:59

My sister just hosted my hen do at 8.5 months pregnant, BUT, we had her hospital bag and notes ready, an itinerary that gave her lots of rest and leeway to do bugger all, and most importantly, she told me really early on and I was able to plan things around it (we moved the wedding date to more comfortably after the birth). We actually had a lovely nap together in the afternoon in the middle of the second day, the baby kicking us both awake!

I was also 100% committed to not being a twat about it, which should be rule no. 1 for everyone.

bridgetreilly · 16/08/2018 14:02

I would wait a bit, tbh. But when you feel able, then yes, tell her. Unless there's something like bridesmaid dress shopping in the next few weeks, it really won't make that much difference.

Also, I am baffled by people talking about finding a replacement. Why on earth would you do that? You ask the people you want to be your bridesmaid(s), you don't have a set number to fill.

MeyMary · 16/08/2018 14:05

Also, I am baffled by people talking about finding a replacement. Why on earth would you do that? You ask the people you want to be your bridesmaid(s), you don't have a set number to fill.

Yes. But the bride will need a new maid of honour...

@thecatsthecats

That sounds lovely!!

PrincessDaff · 16/08/2018 14:09

This happened to me I was bridesmaid for my best friend. I ended up still being bridesmaid and having ds 10 days later but I could not attend the hen do as it was abroad.

I told her as soon as I found out so that she could make other arrangements if she wanted to but she was very flexible with me. Just said that she still wanted me to be bridesmaid but it was my choice. Even the week before the wedding she gave me the option of dropping out of being a bridesmaid.

sonlypuppyfat · 16/08/2018 14:13

I was 4 months pregnant for my friends wedding she absolutely hit the roof, saying I'd spoil her photos, she wanted me to pay for my dress, it was awful

Silvercatowner · 16/08/2018 14:17

I was 4 months pregnant for my friends wedding she absolutely hit the roof, saying I'd spoil her photos, she wanted me to pay for my dress, it was awful

Friends don't do that!

MeyMary · 16/08/2018 14:25

@sonlypuppyfat

I agree, friends don't do that.

My DSIs was pregnant (visibly) on our older DB's wedding... The bride didn't complain about her being a bridesmaid.

With friends like that... Who needs enemies?

waddlemyway · 16/08/2018 14:32

I would maybe wait a couple more weeks until you get your own head around it, say 7/8 weeks, and then let her know so she has time to figure out what she wants to do. Just remind her not to tell anyone or ask anyone else until you've had your 12 week scan, it still gives her a good month or more to think about it.

Congratulations, such a massively exciting time!

Labmum · 16/08/2018 15:19

But the bride will need a new maid of honour...

@Meymary nobody NEEDS a Maid of Honour. I'm presuming the bride in question has other bridesmaids. I didn't have a MOH, I just had bridesmaids.

category12 · 16/08/2018 15:22

nobody NEEDS a Maid of Honour. I'm presuming the bride in question has other bridesmaids. I didn't have a MOH, I just had bridesmaids.

Yes, but for this wedding, the bride has chosen a maid of honour = the OP. She may have specific expectations of her that the OP won't be able to fulfil, in fact the OP may not even be able to attend.

Jane1727 · 16/08/2018 15:26

I have been there but the wedding 4 weeks after I had given birth. Didn't feel great fitting into a bridesmaid dress. I told the bride as soon as I knew so that she could pick another bridesmaid if she wanted.
I organised the hen weekend and went along even though I was 8 months pregnant. (It was only 2 nights though!) I managed to last till 4 in the morning like the rest of the hen party but was pretty uncomfortable and felt exhausted afterwards. Was worth it though as was for a special friend.
I do think though that my friend would have understood if I didn't make it. Congratulations on your pregnancy

MeyMary · 16/08/2018 15:27

@Labmum
True. But this one seems to want one.

I was thinking of having my brothers and sister as "bridesmaids/bridesmen".

But my DH really wants to ask my older brother. (Which, good. Very understandable and they're super close)

So I'm planning on asking my little brother, DSis and two best friends.

But I'm sort of worried that some may see it as... Idk, some sort of confirmation that my little brother isn't a "real man" (he's homosexual, being the only man amongst my bridesmaids)?

I wonder whether DH would want a woman in his wedding party / for the stag night etc..

MeyMary · 16/08/2018 15:28

Sorry for the ramble...

specialsubject · 16/08/2018 18:13

this is why it is daft to plan so far ahead with a group of friends who are at the getting upduffed stage in life. Bride should be able to cope. if you wait until the 12 week scan the wedding is still six months away and if she has a brain she won't have bought the frilly purple frocks yet.

I don't see why you should have to tell her so early - hope all goes very well but there are reasons why you don't announce at this stage.

OutPinked · 16/08/2018 19:00

I’d imagine given the fact you are Maid of Honour you’re a very close friend so do you mind her knowing if something goes wrong in the pregnancy? Imo you should only tell people you don’t mind knowing until the dating scan.

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