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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder what the hell DH does in the bathroom?

48 replies

RobotOverlord · 16/08/2018 08:19

Prefacing this by saying that DH is lovely in so many ways, we have a great relationship apart from twice a day when I could quite cheerfully throttle him.

Currently pacing the house in my PJs because I can’t get in the bloody bathroom to get ready for work as he’s been in there for the last 40 minutes. The shower isn’t even running yet so that’s 40 minutes sat on the toilet pissing about on his phone. This is a daily occurrence - using the bathroom, having a shower and getting dressed takes him at least an hour, usually closer to an hour and a half. Meanwhile I’m running round getting the DC fed and dressed and trying to tidy the house before I get chance to dive in there for ten minutes and do what I can to myself in the time I have. Luckily I work from home so don’t have to be too presentable, but I’d still like to have time for a proper wash in peace! It’s not just work days either, I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve gone on days out with wet hair and no make up because I haven’t had time to get ready properly.

Then after work he’s back in there for another 40 minutes having another bathroom break, while I’m feeding the kids and getting them sorted for bed. Every day

I’ve tried reminding him that we have one bathroom between four people, hammering on the door and telling him he needs to get a bloody move on, suggesting he sees a doctor for what is clearly chronic constipation and even once hid his phone which did result in a much shorter trip

Speaking to other people it seems that this isn’t even that uncommon. What in the name of fuck do men do in there for so long? And short of rigging the shower with some kind of remote controlled shock mechanism, how do I make him pack it in?

OP posts:

InspectorIkmen · 16/08/2018 08:21

Get in there before him a couple of times and let him see what it's like! He can spend his time sorting out kids etc.

ImAGoofyGoober · 16/08/2018 08:23

What a massive baby. It’s so frustrating reading stuff like this because you shouldn’t have to do anything, he should have enough common sense to know how selfish he is being.

ionising · 16/08/2018 08:23

My brother in law did that.

Turns out he was avoiding the kids and having some self relief.

Singlenotsingle · 16/08/2018 08:26

Just get in there first? It's not difficult. Hiding his phone's a good idea too. Or buy a house with 2 bathrooms?

MsHomeSlice · 16/08/2018 08:26

No OP....just no, you need to make it quite clear that his avoiding of AM and PM child duties is unacceptable...sit him down and explain

Lock the bathroom door with a key so he cannot get in there to start with might be an option ! :o

What a tosser you have married! and no he is not lovely in so many ways....he is a lazy spoiled twat.

minisoksmakehardwork · 16/08/2018 08:28

I agree he's avoiding child duties. Nothing more or less. He needs to stop taking his phone in and taking the piss.

Cambionome · 16/08/2018 08:28

No. His behaviour isn't "what all men do" or "slightly unreasonable" it's fucking selfish and unfair on you. You really need to tell him in no uncertain terms how his behaviour is making things more difficult for you.

He is basically being totally lazy and leaving all the early morning work to you. Tell him that this needs to stop now.

Original poster

RobotOverlord · 16/08/2018 08:30

Loving the idea of a lock with the key round my neck on a piece of string! We’re actually moving soon to a house with an indoor bathroom and an outdoor toilet, I’ve told him the outdoor one can be his and we’ll see how long his trips are in December

OP posts:

GaraMedouar · 16/08/2018 08:31

My ExP did this - I would bang on the door every time I or one of the kids needed the loo! Yes he would take phone & ipad in. (It also stunk after he'd been in). I banned him eventually! ☺ we had a downstairs/outside loo too so that became his private loo. Still annoyed me though that he would disappear for ages and avoid him doing anything. I also discovered he would go in there and leave toddler unattended. Once i came home and found out from toddler that Daddy was in toilet and she'd let a man in the house! Doorbell had gone and she'd opened door while he was sat on his phone in the loo or whatever! Luckily the man was a friend of his but i was not impressed.

Upsy1981 · 16/08/2018 08:36

Turn off the wifi just as he gets comfortable.

AlphaBravo · 16/08/2018 08:38

Firmly told my husband if he wants to spend all day out of the house in a bloody easy job, then come home and spend 30 minutes taking a shit, he knows where the front door is. He can shit at work.

I started handing the baby straight over on satursay mornings and locking myself in there for an hour to show him what it was like.

SockQueen · 16/08/2018 08:41

My DH does this. Fortunately we have more than one bathroom so that side of things is less of a problem but it continually makes us late if we're going out together. He'll leave everything till the last minute then say "I'm just going in the shower..." 30 mins later shower isn't even running.

Metoodear · 16/08/2018 08:42

Usally masturbating

SurferRona · 16/08/2018 08:44

If DCs are little, take the bathroom door away I would.

restingbemusedface · 16/08/2018 08:45

Yep my DP does this. In the mornings we have an hour to get ourselves and the kids out the door. He goes into the bathroom and I can hear that the shower won’t be on 15/20 mins later!! He then fucks about doing his hair, fannying about with his clothes.

Original poster

RobotOverlord · 16/08/2018 08:47

SurferRona I would but we live in an old house at the moment with a downstairs bathroom that’s off the kitchen. Nobody needs to be watching that over their coco pops!

OP posts:

Cheekylittlenumber · 16/08/2018 08:50

My DH is a SAHD to our two young DCs and he spends a long time in the loo. (So in his instance he’s not working outside of the home trying to shirk his childcare responsibilities as he’s at home with them everyday) but I think he needs a bit of chill out time, and he physically can’t really leave them during the day for a poo. He also takes ages physically pooing- whereas I’m in there and out again very quickly.

It used to wind me up, but recently he’s had the flu and I’ve had both of them all day it’s reninded me how much hard work it is. I’ve accepted it’s his ‘me time’ even if he says he’s actually just pooing! I rather be just be honest with me and said ‘I need half an hour to chill out’. He insists he’s using the toilet in that time!

We share weekend lay-ins, have equal leisure time and we both share the house hold chores so our set up works well and I don’t begrudge him long toilet breaks as I might pop upstairs to do my nails or something for myself. I have a fairly relaxed commute where I have a coffee on the train so that’s my ‘decompress’ time without kids or work.

Sounds like your DH is just plain being disrespectful if he hides during these busy parts of the day and then leaves you no time to even dry your hair. Not on!

Duchessgummybuns · 16/08/2018 08:57

Break/remove the lock and breeze in there and do what needs doing. Unpleasant for all in the first instance but he’ll soon cut it out

IncrediblySturdyPyjamas · 16/08/2018 09:01

Stop running around doing it all when he is in there.

NonJeNeRegretteRien · 16/08/2018 09:02

Honestly, when I first moved in with my now DH I was genuinely worried by the amount of time he spent in the loo.

There’s a bit in a Bill Bryson book where he says in every household up and down the land a woman gets on her hands and knees and bellows under the door of the bathroom “what are you doing in there?!” To her spouse on the other side.

W T F are they up to?!

Pinkvoid · 16/08/2018 09:03

My DF used to take his newspaper to the loo to read it and he’d be there for at least an hour until I was at the door nagging for the loo or nagging that I was bored. I watched the film This Is 40 a few years ago and Paul Rudd’s character admits he disappears into the toilet with his newspaper to escape his family .

Saracen · 16/08/2018 09:10

I'd cut him a small bit of slack as some people do appear to have physically difficulty accomplishing a poo quickly. But insisting that he leave his phone outside the loo, or switching off the wifi, would be an interesting experiment. Do that for a week or two to see whether it speeds him up.

Also I don't understand why the schedule has to be like this. Couldn't you go in the bathroom first while he makes a start at sorting the kids out? Or does he say he needs the loo urgently the moment he wakes up?

ShowOfHands · 16/08/2018 09:15

My DH does this and we have one toilet. Every time we get home from anywhere too. He holds on outside the house, ends up uncomfortable and has to spend an age in there. Takes a book with him usually. Makes me so SO cross.

llangennith · 16/08/2018 09:34

He's not constipated he's hiding and being a lazy parent. You can tell him just that.

CasperGutman · 16/08/2018 09:44

Meh. He's just mumsnetting, or the male equivalent. It's pretty inconsiderate of him if you have to get out by a certain time though - or if he's hogging the only loo!

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