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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder what the hell DH does in the bathroom?

48 replies

RobotOverlord · 16/08/2018 08:19

Prefacing this by saying that DH is lovely in so many ways, we have a great relationship apart from twice a day when I could quite cheerfully throttle him.

Currently pacing the house in my PJs because I can’t get in the bloody bathroom to get ready for work as he’s been in there for the last 40 minutes. The shower isn’t even running yet so that’s 40 minutes sat on the toilet pissing about on his phone. This is a daily occurrence - using the bathroom, having a shower and getting dressed takes him at least an hour, usually closer to an hour and a half. Meanwhile I’m running round getting the DC fed and dressed and trying to tidy the house before I get chance to dive in there for ten minutes and do what I can to myself in the time I have. Luckily I work from home so don’t have to be too presentable, but I’d still like to have time for a proper wash in peace! It’s not just work days either, I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve gone on days out with wet hair and no make up because I haven’t had time to get ready properly.

Then after work he’s back in there for another 40 minutes having another bathroom break, while I’m feeding the kids and getting them sorted for bed. Every day

I’ve tried reminding him that we have one bathroom between four people, hammering on the door and telling him he needs to get a bloody move on, suggesting he sees a doctor for what is clearly chronic constipation and even once hid his phone which did result in a much shorter trip

Speaking to other people it seems that this isn’t even that uncommon. What in the name of fuck do men do in there for so long? And short of rigging the shower with some kind of remote controlled shock mechanism, how do I make him pack it in?

OP posts:

Flamingo19 · 16/08/2018 09:46

DP likes to sit on his phone whilst doing a number 2, I find it highly irritating although we haven’t got any children yet so I don’t mind too much. Once our baby arrives I will be v annoyed if I’m not getting much help due to his ‘toilet time’

minisoksmakehardwork · 16/08/2018 10:01

I will caveat my last post with my dh takes his phone and spends ages in the loo. But he also sorts breakfast and generally helps with the children in the morning. So I don't mind mine taking his with him. We also have 2 toilets so less of a problem. He generally uses the toilet so the bathroom stays free.

HidingFromMyKids · 16/08/2018 10:18

Take the lock off if you can!
We have a tiny bathroom and the door won't shut all the way so if he's in there a while and I know he's faffing about I send dc up to nag him through the gap
I gave up on peaceful bathroom time along time ago so it makes no difference to me!

Verbena87 · 16/08/2018 10:24

www.chemist.co.uk/micralax-rectum-micro-enema-12-x-5ml-box.html?gclid=EAIaIQobChMImfmV6p_x3AIVSbDtCh3cuwi8EAQYASABEgLLUfD_BwE

Administer one of those just before he wakes up, and switch off the WiFi as soon as he locks the door?

(I am joking about the enema. But they do help if it’s actual constipation.)

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 16/08/2018 10:26

I'll just leave this here

KlutzyDraconequus · 16/08/2018 10:31

Meanwhile I’m running round getting the DC fed and dressed and trying to tidy the house before I get chance to dive in there for ten minutes and do what I can to myself in the time I have

Answered your own question.
Now be a good little woman and do the woman's work whilst he, the mighty man, puts his manly man dumps before you, the children and family life..

Fatbelliedgirl · 16/08/2018 10:39

Sounds like my DH and he also does it just before we go out anywhere. Just sits there waiting to shit while playing games on his phone and sometimes still playing when deed is done.
Must be a man thing.

Saggital · 16/08/2018 10:43

It’s the four ‘SH’s

Shit
Shave
Shower
Shandy

As in a hand-shandy or hamshank.

BunnyCarr · 16/08/2018 10:45

Most probably, he's jerking off in there.
Sorry, not helpful.

fabulous01 · 16/08/2018 10:47

I say to mine... push it out or push it back up but hurry up ....
Yes they love their phones and toilet ...

IamtheDevilsAvocado · 16/08/2018 11:03

Either medical problem or wanking or avoiding morning/evening chores....

thenightsky · 16/08/2018 11:11

I'll just leave this here

PurpleMac · 16/08/2018 12:12

My DH is similar - I'm currently a SAHM (for another few weeks anyway until adoption leave ends) and I tell him he has to give me as much time to get ready in the morning before he leaves for work as he gives himself. So if he wants to take an hour to get ready, he gets up earlier so I have an hour to get ready too whilst he watches DS. He has been nearly late for work on a couple of occasions which made him get his act together!

LuckyAmy1986 · 16/08/2018 12:16

Seems like you find it mildly amusing?

SilverBirchTree · 16/08/2018 12:24

Throttle away. His 'call of nature' seems to conveniently occupy him during busy family time, but presumably not during things he would like to do.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 16/08/2018 12:27

Unless he has major bowel issues it would appear that he's skivving his responsibilities of being a parent.

Gojira · 16/08/2018 12:36

I agree with LuckyAmy you do appear to find this somewhat funny.

He's not constipated and I doubt there is any other medical condition that causes him to spend excessive amounts of time on the loo at exactly the same times every day.

He's just bloody lazy.

wizzywig · 16/08/2018 12:38

Looks like Shitting Man has friends

Tippexy · 16/08/2018 12:38

He might have IBS / piles?

Shitonthebloodything · 16/08/2018 12:43

My ex did this. Porn addiction/obsession.
Evenings after work he just sat upstairs for an hour just to escape having to deal with the kids because he'd 'been at work all day'.

LuckyAmy1986 · 16/08/2018 12:44

Exactly. If you find it endearing that he shirks family responsibility like this then great! If not, do something about it. Personally I think
It’s quite pathetic.

(The above is assuming he has no medical issues that requires him to be on the toilet that much)

Original poster

RobotOverlord · 16/08/2018 13:22

Tippexy if he doesn't have piles already he soon will after an hour a day of pushing

I do have a sense of humour about it because, at the end of the day, it's not a world ender. If it was having a huge impact on our day to day life then yes, I would be a lot more serious about it, but it's just fairly infuriating at the moment. DH works hard, is a good husband and father and does plenty with the kids when he's not on the shitter. I'm sure I do things that annoy him too, and I'm certainly guilty of being lazy sometimes, I think most people are.

If anyone's had experience of knocking this habit on the head though, I'd love to know how!

OP posts:

mrcharlie · 18/08/2018 01:32

Well, I guess I'm anonymous, so I'll say what happened to me.
A year ago straining on the loo brought serious piles, they would just explode everytime I went to the loo, it looked as though something had been butchered, blood splashed everywhere. I was just so embarrassed couldn't face going to the doctors so left it to heal by itself...it took months and months. Thankfully everything is back right now and my partner none the wiser, though she still tells everyone that I spend ages on the toilet (even though now I don't),The big giveaway was the massive amounts of loo roll I'd use to mop up and clean everything and the numerous flushes to wash everything away.
So, before jumping to conclusions monitor the loo roll and repetitive flushes.

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