To not be tempted?

[bitofaheadspin]

Someone has just messaged me on Facebook. We worked in the same place about 15/16 years ago, but I didn't know him other than to see. He apparently had a thing for me, although was a few years older. I was 20/21.

He has just messaged me asking what it would cost for me to go and work for him (Same kind of role as we were in before, but more senior). But I've not worked in that role since back then. I'm in a total different job now. He's offering me more money, company car, though longer commute and less holidays.

My head is spinning. I've said thanks, but no thanks, and he's asking me to just meet for lunch and discuss!

My current job is secure for now, and on my doorstep, but, there is a lot of voluntary redundancy and feelings of uncertainty. I have tried and failed to love it, but it's all I've known for ten years.

Help me! This is weird, right?!

He wants to have sex with you. And is dangling a job offer.

Come on now.

Your post reads as if you feel he’s offered you the job because he has a thing for you.

You’ve then given justification for you to take it...

Do you want the job?
Are you interested In him - I think you feel he is still interested in you. That’s what you need to think about

I don't know what I think! Today I was working out my voluntary redundancy package because I'm a bit fed up, but then I'm thinking he really doesn't know how I performed in the job we were both in, so there must be others, better, he can offer it to? I feel awful now, I don't think he still fancies me. He doesn't know me! But it's crazy.

As far as I know, he has a partner and kids now. He says he wouldn't offer my something risky as he knows I have my son to think of.

I'm not interested romantically.

You must think he still fancies you to some extent or you wouldn’t have mentioned it?
(Not being arsy - just trying to explain my thinking)

He’s probably going to try and have sex with you, and there might not even be a job.... just to set your expectations

Work pervert.

Power games! Creepy

Weirdo, block the pervert on fb

It reads like a proposition and not a good one

I know what you mean. I guess I mentioned it because I thought it might be relevant, considering we don't really know each other, otherwise.

And I don't want to think he still likes me. But I don't want to get myself into an awkward situation where I've not even actually earned the job, or ok the other hand, pass up a possibly good opportunity because someone told my mate he fancied me 15 years ago! He's never been anything but friendly.

I'm just fed up in my job I guess, and my minds run away with me at the thought of a gamble paying off. But I'm not right for this one either.

Have you actually had any contact over the last 15 year's? My employer always looks at the person they are employing before the skill level.

I interviewed for them for a different role and they felt it wasn't senior enough for me. They asked me to come back and interview for a job that was more senior and not my area of work. But they wanted me in the company and were happy to give me time to catch up to speed.

He could be a creep who has fancies you for 15 years and finally sees an opportunity to have you in his clutches. He has been just been waiting for the right time.

Or he could think you are a good fit for the company. Only you know.

He's offered you a job but you can't get your head around the fact that because he's a man he just wants a shag?

You don't sound worth the effort (professionally).

I concur with the above post. He might just be headhunting you.
He might be happily married and doesn't even remember what you look like and is being purely professional.
Go see.
Good luck.

Just go to the lunch and then you can make a proper assessment.

Assuming you’re not going to fall under some 15 year spell as others are suggesting?

Just go to lunch here what he has to say ... just make sure not to sleep with him!!

We've only spoken on FB a couple of times since. I didn't mean to sound full of shit or ungrateful. It's just that we were both in low level roles, and not even in the same team for him to know how I was at my job. (We we're call centre agents. He's looking for a team manager).

I’d probably go along and talk about the opportunity. There’s no commitment.

Go meet him and talk about the role over lunch. You have nothing to lose. He was more senior than you all those years ago and managers do tend to discuss their best employees - your name may well have come up and he is probably just putting feelers out to build a strong team.

@ScoobyCan but he wasn't more senior, and had no dealings with me at all. And he's miles away now, so I doubt my names come up from anyone else.

Part of me thinks it's the change I need, but another knows it's a massive risk and I could be totally shit at it, then I'll be out of a job and ruined his reputation.

Sorry misread - were you successful in that low-level role? If he is offering you perks incl. company car and it would necessitate a move for you to take him up on it, I suggest you accept lunch invitation and work out if it's something you'd be interested in. Again, you have nothing to lose by talking it through with him.

Not particularly! I did a bit of training delivery, coaching new starts, and manager cover, but nothing extensive.

I don't think it's a good idea. It's an extra two hours a day commute for a start.

I declined his offer saying it wouldn't work for me, I knew I was actually lucky to have the job I do. He replied simply saying "lunch?" and again I declined just referring to the jobs. He never replied, until last night, saying he hadn't seen my last message and did I say I was seeing someone. I replied that I didn't. Anyway, he's now asked me out, mentioned getting together and having some fun as being on the cards, to give a guy a break and that's he's been besotted with me for 14 years!

How do I reply?! That's so full on and he barely knows me, I don't know how to say no, but I'm really not interested. I can't just ignore him though.

Of course you can ignore him.
He's clearly angling to get a bit on the side shag.
Delete. Block and get on with your life.

Actually, you totally can just ignore him if you want to.

But if you would rather respond so that he's not left in any doubt, say something like:

"That's a kind offer, but I'm not interested in a date. Best of luck with your new business venture - I hope it is a huge success!"

If he's a good guy, he'll take it with good grace and no awkwardness. If he's a twat, you'll get a load of whining /emotional blackmail / attempts to bargain. Ignore them all.

Abd ps" give a guy who's been besotted with you for 14 years a break"?? Pah. He's probably just broken up with someone and is scrolling through his mental folder of "women I had on the back burner". Font start feeling bad that this is some kind of grand passion. He tried to lure you with a job, then ascertained you were single (to make it harder to refuse his offer) and then did a bit of subtle manipulation. Say no and don't feel bad about it.

@SendintheArdwolves thats a decent reply, I'll work on something along those lines. Thanks.

That's what I mean, he's not besotted, unless he's shallow enough to base it on looks alone, as we've barely even spoken!

I just don't have the balls to just block someone who hasn't actually done anything awful, but it has all made me feel a bit uneasy. Very glad I didn't go for the job chat.