To not be tempted?

[bitofaheadspin]

Someone has just messaged me on Facebook. We worked in the same place about 15/16 years ago, but I didn't know him other than to see. He apparently had a thing for me, although was a few years older. I was 20/21.

He has just messaged me asking what it would cost for me to go and work for him (Same kind of role as we were in before, but more senior). But I've not worked in that role since back then. I'm in a total different job now. He's offering me more money, company car, though longer commute and less holidays.

My head is spinning. I've said thanks, but no thanks, and he's asking me to just meet for lunch and discuss!

My current job is secure for now, and on my doorstep, but, there is a lot of voluntary redundancy and feelings of uncertainty. I have tried and failed to love it, but it's all I've known for ten years.

Help me! This is weird, right?!

I understand your reluctance - we are socialised to be "nice" and think about other people's feelings, and it can feel almost impossible to balance "don't want to have further contact with this person" with "don't want to make things awkward or hurt their feelings".

But in reality, it would be fine for you to block this person - you don't want further contact from him, so why not? Just think - If you changed phone numbers, would you make sure he had the new one, or would you just let it go? Blocking him isn't aggressive, and he won't even know its happened.

Just be blunt! Say to him you don't know me as a person, we've had little contact over the past fifteen years and I don't appreciate you trying to deceive me about a job opportunity for your personal reasons. Then block him. I'd probably go further and tell him he's creepy but that's not really necessary.

Also, (sorry to bombard you!) when you're working out your reply, make sure that it is clear and unambiguous. He seems like the sort to try to "negotiate" a yes from you, or even pretend to have "misunderstood" your soft no as a "maybe".

@MrsStrowman it is quite tempting to send something like that, but I know I won't!

@SendintheArdwolves I've never blocked anyone! I couldn't do it in this situation either. Although, this is all through FB messenger. He doesn't have my phone number.