I have found my people!
Seriously, I can relate to every post here. I am 36, bright (WAIS tested IQ of 142), was suspected to be dyslexic from a young age but despite repeat testing (hence knowing my IQ) nothing was ever concluded. So I was taught dyslexia coping skills and those, with a combination of masking have seen me through.
I was always thought to have loads of potential, but I procrastinate and never really live up to expectations. If I have deadlines set by an authority figure I can mostly scrape by (though I've missed/forgottrn/been too late for many appointments and have had to learn the hard way), I have the To Do list that never gets completed. My flat is a tip, because I'm so exhausted by being capable and organised all day at work I can't actually function by the time I get home. I'm a single parent and I suspect DS has ADHD too (he has ASD already), so you can imagine the state we live in!
This bit really resonated too: When we was younger, I was also really respectful fearful of authority, so although I could be a bit of a chatterer (primary school reports are so funny to read), I was also a bit of a goodie-two-shoes.
For as long as I can remember, i have been unable to focus on one thing at a time unless I'm hyperfocused. As a child I read and watched tv at the same time, rapidly switching between the two, sonetimes drawing as well. As I got older I progressed to teaching myself crafts to keep my hands busy, so now I watch tv and knit, crochet or cross stitch - sometimes switching between projects in the space of a 30 minute programme!
Part of my job is making how to guides and eye catching information. I'm told I'm very good at it. I go by what would grab my attention and how I would like instructions broken down because when other people send stuff I often miss instructions as they're not clear to me and I make lots of silly mistakes. People think i'm trained in graphic design, but i just pay attdntion to what works for me and how my eyes scan a page and place the info where my eyes fall.
Similarly to that, I teach myself a lot of complicated and probably unnecessary things. I need the stimulus of learning something new. Once it becomes repetitive and I know how to do it I get bored. So I've taught myself the aforementioned crafts, all my artistic skills are self taught because I used to doss during art at school but still came out with an A in GCSE art. I've taught myself how to professionally cut and dye my own hair to the point that people ask for my hairdressers card because they love my hair (wouldn't dream of doing someone elses!), nail art, how to build computers, how to fix phones, how to code websites, how to cook elaborate meals etc. I've got no interest in doing these things professionally, though I get told I "should" a lot. I just learn them, then seek the next skill to learn.
And because I spend all my time doing this, I can't run my actual life. I'm always late, my home is a cluttered mess, I get a lot of "Final warnings" and LOVE direct debits as otherwise I forget to/put off pay(ing) bills. If i sit down with nothing to do i will often fall deeply asleep within minutes as I'm so exhausted all the time. It often takes 2 or 3 attempts to leave my house each day as I forget so much stuff, if it's major stuff I even turn back for it if I'm not too far away yet. I zone out frequently at work, am late for meetings, fidget all through meetings because my body is screaming at me to get up and move around (usually end up colouring in the coffee cup from the coffee I bought that made me late), in the office I get caught up in and butt into others conversations, get so bored and distracted, start jotting down ideas or doodling in my notebook, often jump up to nosey out of the window and envy those who seem to be able to sit down and focus for hours at a time and do a decent days work. I feel like a fraud because I have two modes - breakneck speed for about 30 minutes or zone out for ages. I still get through a lot of stuff, but if I could work consistently I think I'd get more done. I have high anxiety and often feel I'm going to be fired/disowned by family due to being a massive disappointment.
I told my parents last week I though I had this, when discussing that I thought DS has it and DM saying he's just like me as a kid and not to label and thinking all ADHD is hyperactivity. I think DS and I have Inattentive type ADHD. Anyway, DF was more supportive and we went through some of the sample questionnaires online and I score moderately. Reading profiles of adult women with ADHD and how they presented as children, DM is now convinced and pushing me to get diagnosed. Ironically, because DM has told me to put it on my to do list, I'm now procrastinating picking up the phone and making a GP appointment to get the ball rolling!