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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have not fancied a man in 10 years?

72 replies

Smellbellina · 15/08/2018 23:36

I just had another look at OLD and there is still not a single person I swiped right. What’s wrong with me? I got quite excited when I fancied Tom Hardy, that lasted all of about 2 weeks. Have I become asexual? Does anyone else find it this hard to just fancy someone?

OP posts:
Original poster
Smellbellina · 17/08/2018 22:53

Yes @imnotreally me too! I can’t remember the last time I had sex sober/because I wanted to/it didn’t involve an awful lot of faking/I orgasmed. Actually that last one has only ever happened once! And it made me feel extremely vulnerable and uncomfortable.

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Original poster
Smellbellina · 17/08/2018 22:54

No Claw I don’t think I am, in seems like an awful lot of trouble for something that will probably end up pretty shit anyway.
I would love to have a bit of a crush from a distance though.

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TheSassyAssassin · 17/08/2018 23:03

YADNBU Smell. Feel v similar when on OLD. And even if I have a connection with someone usually meet them and have that sinking feeling within 30 secs and then have to literally grin and bear it. Having said that have seen the odd guy on the street that had my head turning but was prob old enough to be their mother! ShockGrin

imnotreally · 17/08/2018 23:08

Sorry - what's OLD?

imnotreally · 17/08/2018 23:08

Oh. Online dating 🤦🏻‍♀️

Original poster
Smellbellina · 17/08/2018 23:08

Ha yup did that on the 2 dates with the 2 criminals I went on!
I wonder if part of it is just down to where I live, where I work (although you’d think there might be a fanciable policeman amongst the lot of them Confused ) and just my general lifestyle. OLD probably just confounds it.

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BiggerandBetter · 17/08/2018 23:31

Men are generally less attractive, both looks and personality-wise. The life they've led has formed who they are and often that isn´t very appealing

^ This. Most men I see in my age group (middle aged) don't look either interesting or attractive. There are exceptions of course, but not many.

Original poster
Smellbellina · 17/08/2018 23:39

Oh I missed that post Bigger
I kind of agree though. And when I hear people in apparently happy relationships talking about their partners it puts me off even more. So many men apparently make an art form out of being basically incapable (not knowing what to do with themselves when their wife is doing housework so going to sit in the loo with a book, really??) it puts me off even more. And that’s been my experience in my relationships too, a weird regression to childhood and expecting me to find it endearing? It isn’t!

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imnotreally · 18/08/2018 00:01

Most men I see in my age group (middle aged) don't look either interesting or attractive. There are exceptions of course, but not many.

Im 38. There are some hot celebs in their early 40s and 50s but I don't know any personally. Give me a 50yo like tom cruise or rob Lowe any day. But they don't seem to actually exist.

imnotreally · 18/08/2018 00:02

@Smellbellina I know there's all these narcissistic arseholes and you wonder if it's possible to actually find a decent bloke who won't treat you like a skivvy!

Original poster
Smellbellina · 18/08/2018 00:06

They seem few and far between, I’d like a partner in life not a leech!

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Original poster
Smellbellina · 18/08/2018 00:06

I’m fairly sure Tom Cruise is a bit of a twat too

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Singlenotsingle · 18/08/2018 00:12

I got talking to a rather attractive Scotsman with a deep voice and lovely accent, white hair and beard. Only problem was when he stood up (we were outside one of those continental type cafes) he picked up his red shopping trolley Shock and headed off to Tesco's!

imnotreally · 18/08/2018 00:12

Lol probably. But he's pretty.

Original poster
Smellbellina · 18/08/2018 00:19

Oh Single I’m sorry to laugh 😂 I feel your pain I really do!
really maybe with stubble Wink

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imnotreally · 18/08/2018 00:24

Yeah he would definitely be prettier with stubble. I think that's what makes rob Lowe so hot 😂😂

On another thought after years of not getting it I finally understand the Jason mamoa thing. Phoar!

Original poster
Smellbellina · 18/08/2018 00:30

Quick Google, he looks like Jesus! But in a fit way. I like the scruffy manly man look, but then when it turns out they actually don’t wash and are oafish i’m So disappointed.
Love Ore Oduba, that face! And he just comes across as so nice and intelligent and funny and like he’d shower and engage and you know, be an adult! I’ve never been out with anyone like that Sad

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imnotreally · 18/08/2018 00:38

Ha ha had to google him!

Men should have to pass a 'can you run a household' test starting with 'how to use a washing machine'.

Original poster
Smellbellina · 18/08/2018 00:53

They should! My mum always said you can’t love someone you don’t respect, never believed her of course, but she was right. I can’t respect an adult that can’t use a washing machine. Or pick up their own socks. Or change the toilet roll. Or think, well this needs a bit of a hoover, and do it!

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Disquieted1 · 18/08/2018 01:00

Lol! @smellbrlina
You think you're gonna find a man (or woman) who likes that shit?
Good luck with that.

Original poster
Smellbellina · 18/08/2018 01:10

Well no Disquited I think that was my point!

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Original poster
Smellbellina · 18/08/2018 01:12

but someone who can’t look after themselves is no loss

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