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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have not fancied a man in 10 years?

72 replies

Smellbellina · 15/08/2018 23:36

I just had another look at OLD and there is still not a single person I swiped right. What’s wrong with me? I got quite excited when I fancied Tom Hardy, that lasted all of about 2 weeks. Have I become asexual? Does anyone else find it this hard to just fancy someone?

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Original poster
Smellbellina · 17/08/2018 18:56

Blush sorry Long I was contemplating how to put it politely!
Having said that, I can see how you would find him attractive. Like I can see how people would find Brad Pitt or Chris Pratt attractive. Hmph I just want to fancy someone!
I’ve always thought I preferred dark with stubble, but thinking back on boyfriends one was like that, one was grey and one was strawberry blonde.
I’ve dated 2 people since, they looked identical and I didn’t fancy either in the slightest. They both had the gift of the gab though and were intelligent and interesting. But It’s not enough by itself.
Oh and two others who both turned out to be criminals, that put me off. Nearly dated another but turned out he was a swinger, not my thing!
Ah I remember the days of fancying people, ‘‘twas fun.

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imnotreally · 17/08/2018 19:41

I have been single for 7 years and only ever fancy celebrities. I think it's protection as I had a crappy marriage. Not that I ever meet single guys my age any way.

Current crush is Tom Cruise and I'm talking school girl full on crush. It will pass tho. I've been through it with a few other celebrities.

RatRolyPoly · 17/08/2018 19:49

What do people feel when they fancy someone? For me it's usually along the lines of, "meh, worth a go, might be fun"... And they say romance is dead!

ALongHardWinter · 17/08/2018 20:25

That's OK Smell. No offence taken! I realise that he's not everyone's cup of tea. How about a picture of a guy that YOU'VE had the hots for in the past?! Grin

imnotreally · 17/08/2018 20:45

My exh istall and blonde. Currently have the hots for short dark men!

Ikeameatballs · 17/08/2018 20:51

I felt like this when I was single. Met dp and totally fancied him, and still do, but don’t think I’ve fancied someone since! I do miss the feeling but I think it’s just really rare for me now.

BackBoiler · 17/08/2018 20:53

A face on a screen doesnt get me going either! Looks do play a part but conversation, mannerisms, chemistry etc etc. You can't get a fizzy one from just a photo Grin

Timefortea99 · 17/08/2018 20:54

Even when I was younger I fancied very few men. Those I did fancy I fancied hard, but they were few and far between. I have never fancied the Brad Pitts of the world. I am always amazed when women are going phwoar over a multitude of men....Nowadays don’t fancy anybody. Everybody a bit meh to me.Not looking, I am married, but if I wasn’t I would not be looking.

We are discerning.

ShackUp · 17/08/2018 20:56

I don't fancy anyone - I never fancy anyone. DH is okay I suppose...Grin I am definitely asexual although I have some ASD traits and I think this fits with the general picture.

sonjadog · 17/08/2018 21:01

I rarely fancy anyone these days. Maybe once every couple of years I meet someone I think could be attractive. I think it is to do with getting older. Men are generally less attractive, both looks and personality-wise. The life they've led has formed who they are and often that isn´t very appealing. I´m sure this is all as true for women, btw, before some jumps on me. But I´m not attracted to women so I don't ever think about it in relation to them.

Original poster
Smellbellina · 17/08/2018 21:11

@ALongHardWinter Grin

To have not fancied a man in 10 years?
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Original poster
Smellbellina · 17/08/2018 21:14

That photo still gives me flutters, that’s something of a relief!

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imnotreally · 17/08/2018 21:18

@Smellbellina oh yes!

Original poster
Smellbellina · 17/08/2018 21:31

@imnotreally if I met a man like that I think I’d melt.
I’m a bit like you actually, just not really been able to feel anything after a horrible breakdown of a relationship that I thought was ‘it’ and turned out to be all kinds of awful.

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imnotreally · 17/08/2018 21:34

@Smellbellina sorry you've been through crap. Think it's easier to fancy someone who's unattainable than risk getting hurt.

Claw001 · 17/08/2018 21:39

Are you still in love with an ex?

recluse · 17/08/2018 21:58

I feel the same @smellbellina - well not 10 years as I am getting divorced now, but I feel that I will never fancy anyone again, and vice versa.

Having said that - Mads Mikkelsen is completely and utterly gorgeous IMO Grin.

To have not fancied a man in 10 years?
Original poster
Smellbellina · 17/08/2018 21:59

I think that probably is part of it @imnotreally.
No @Claw001 I thought that was it for a long time, but nope I don’t fancy my ex(s) either, there is one who I do love (we have DC) but just not in that way. Definitely don’t fancy him!

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Original poster
Smellbellina · 17/08/2018 22:01

That’s a good bit of stubble there @recluse, I do like stubble!

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Branleuse · 17/08/2018 22:04

What about women? Do you ever feel interest in women

Original poster
Smellbellina · 17/08/2018 22:13

No, not in real life. Bit of a crush on Sue Perkins (think that’s fairly common!) and i’d probably rather spend a night with Anna Kendrick than any man Grin except Sharpe of course!

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Claw001 · 17/08/2018 22:15

Maybe you are waiting for that instance ‘spark’, lust/love at first sight?

Focussing too much on looks? Overwhelming ‘chemistry’? rather than a gradual attraction and connection?

Original poster
Smellbellina · 17/08/2018 22:23

I’m not convinced by the whole ‘we suddenly realised we were in love’ thing, surely you’re either physically attracted to them or your not?
I was abit obsessed by great tragic love stories as a child, a bit like Marianne in Sense and Sensibility Blush and boy has that not worked out well!

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Claw001 · 17/08/2018 22:32

Strong intial feelings are often lust! I suppose the question is can that lust turn into love?!

In my experience that lust is fine for short term relationships!

So I suppose it’s whether you after lust or love. Maybe you are all lusted out? And are looking for a bit more?

imnotreally · 17/08/2018 22:43

I have to admit that while I'm interested in a heavy make out session I have no interest in sex. Tho maybe being treated like an object had something to do with it.