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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL filling the house with fluffy toys...

30 replies

NonJeNeRegretteRien · 15/08/2018 22:20

I have a good relationship with my PIL and they’ve been very good to DH and I.

DD is first and only GC for them which is a source of great excitement and they dote on her which I’m really happy about and grateful for.

The thing is, DD is merely weeks old and each time they come round they bring multiples of cuddly toys! They’re so random as well - this weekend she brought round a teddy bear wearing a Christmas jumper Grin

We now have dozens of little (and some huge) cuddly toys filling her nursery. Toys she won’t really play with for a good while yet. To be totally honest I am wondering if it would be unreasonable of me to “release” some of these fluffy critters back into the wilderness...

There wouldn’t really be a way of asking her to stop either, as although we do get on she’s quite sensitive and on the brink of what we believe is dementia/Alzheimer’s so I feel as though raising it with her would be causing an issue for no good reason.

I would raise it with DH but even he made the comment the other day of “more toys...”

OP posts:
Babyroobs · 15/08/2018 22:21

Just take them to a charity shop ( preferably one that your MIL doesn't frequent).

beingthere · 15/08/2018 22:24

Is she getting them from charity shops? I haven’t seen any Christmas bears on the high street yet!

Beware if so, they can have fleas or mites! MIL filled SIL’s house with soft toys and they are all bitten. Eventually they had to tip the lot and bedding and rugs.

It’s a shame when it’s a waste of their money. Tell her to get books instead, full god house with books!

beingthere · 15/08/2018 22:25

Sorry for typos, nothing to do with god, hopefully you can see what I meant!

SendintheArdwolves · 15/08/2018 22:27

Pack them away in a box. If mil asks after them, make noises about saving/rotating them so they don't "get left out". After six months, take the box to a charity shop.

If she asks "where is that nice Christmas Teddy I bought?" tell her that your daughter was horribly sick all over it and you had to throw it away. Look sad at this point.

You won't be able to stop her, so get in good habits now of regularly disposing of it before your daughter notices.

Original poster
NonJeNeRegretteRien · 15/08/2018 22:29

Oh gawd! @beingthere I really hadn’t considered that! Yes I am pretty sure they’re coming from charity shops... glad DD hasn’t been too close to them!

....might just get a bin bag together tomorrow Sad

She used to buy clothes - new ones, just from Tesco or wherever - but now she’s fixated on these cuddly toys instead Hmm

OP posts:
FusionChefGeoff · 15/08/2018 22:35

I like the idea of redirecting her energies into books!! Start dropping loads of hints and maybe make s big sing and dance about putting up new shelves / buying a new bookcase 'it will be so much fun to fill it with books and we'd love it if you wanted to help us every now and then'

piggie88 · 15/08/2018 22:36

My daughter has so many cuddly toys too. She’s 18 months so has started to play with them and cuddle them but there’s so many that we have loads she’s never seen because they’re at the bottom of the pile!
When she was a baby someone bought her one of those huge teddies that is bigger than me! Really lovely but it takes up half her bedroom.

Eemamc · 15/08/2018 22:37

Definitely charity shop them. I do not have enough room in my flat for all the things that have (very kindly) been given to us. I obviously keep the really special things, but we can’t simply keep everything. Better that someone else really enjoy them. Baby is still only 9 months old. I’m hoping to keep her toys esp cuddly toys to a minimum if I can. (I might be v naive I know!) I plan to include her in giving things to charity as she gets older, so her old toys can be enjoyed by other children. We all have too much stuff. I’ve found that even at this early age that if she has too many toys she can’t easily play with anything. She engages more when there are just a select few (I rotate them around every few weeks so she doesn’t get bored) not sure how i’m going to navigate her first birthday though. I know asking for money is a bit crass. I might just say no gifts, or maybe a special book they enjoyed in their childhood?

CherryCherryCherry · 15/08/2018 22:42

If you put the sotf toys in a bag and in the freezer for 24 hours it will kill off any bugs. Although how many others may have been sick on them or dropped food on them if from a charity shop is another story. If mil won't notice they are gone then boot them out!

wizzywig · 15/08/2018 22:42

Sorry. Ignore me

Cheby · 15/08/2018 22:44

Cuddly toys are basically pointless. Kids don’t need any more than a couple. IME they don’t get played with like other toys, they just sit for decoration or are bedtime comforters. DD1 takes stuffed animals on sleepovers but they just stay in the case until bedtime, she’s not arsed about them before that.

So like all other parents before us we have a house full of the damned things which sit gathering dust.

Bin them tomorrow OP!

Givemeacookie · 15/08/2018 22:53

This happened to me not just mil but everyone bought my dd cuddly toys... Went to go through them to get rid of them and found a stupid pfb sentimental reason to keep them! I'm going to attempt again and be more ruthless this time! Grin

junebirthdaygirl · 16/08/2018 02:31

When my dmil was in sentility she had her own cuddly toys. It was heartbreaking to see her playing with them. So l would say there is an attraction for her to cuddly toys because of her dementia so l would tread carefully here. Could you suggest she keep some at her house so dd can play with them later as she grows.
Also she will not remember what she bought so charity shop all the way. Maybe get dh to have a word with his df as he is probably with her when she goes shopping.

CSIblonde · 16/08/2018 02:56

Charity shop the ones you don't want but keep a few to display just on her visits, (after freezing then a hot wash for mites) so she doesn't get upset. If it's dementia related she might not twig numbers have reduced dramatically.

agnurse · 16/08/2018 05:17

I agree with getting rid of the ones you don't want. You can also advise MIL (and this is a true statement) that cuddly toys are not recommended as bed toys for babies as they can increase the risk of cot death.

Angrybird345 · 16/08/2018 07:16

Ask her to get books.... and don’t keep charity shop soft toys! Local schools will have them fir fairs.

Oysterbabe · 16/08/2018 07:20

MIL brings gifts for our 2 every time she visits. It's excessive but it makes her happy. We'll just pass it all on to charity shops eventually.

SoyDora · 16/08/2018 07:27

I have regular cuddly toy culls. Mine are 4 and 3 and bar their bedtime comforters they’re not interested in them at all (there’s not really much playing you can do with a cuddly toy). I sneak them out to charity shops regularly, or give them to a friend who often runs ‘cuddly toy tombolas’ ar charity events.

CherryPlum · 16/08/2018 07:32

Speaking from experience here.....at least get rid of some of them before your DD is old enough to give a cute name to every single teddy, because once that happens your DD won't ever want to part with them. I'm under strict instruction to never, ever, ever get rid of cookie, flopsy, buttons, and a million others......

Banana770 · 16/08/2018 07:32

My Nan did this when I was small. Years later she and her sister told me about how they’d had no toys growing up so always liked to buy lots for their grandchildren. Could that be a factor? Personally I’d keep a few, charity shop the rest and ask her to keep some at her house. And put a bookcase up and drop hints for nice books!

palmtree1 · 16/08/2018 07:33

My mum constantly tells me that my children have too many toys, yet brings them 'crap' from charity shops almost every week, broken dollies with matted hair, toys with bits missing and so many soft toys. I do try and encourage books but doesn't seem to listen

Original poster
NonJeNeRegretteRien · 16/08/2018 08:04

I think I will just run them up to the charity shop in the next town to us, they often come to our town for a potter about and a coffee but never the next town along. Should be safe there!

Asking her to buy books instead I doubt will get very far since every time she’s here she asks us what DD’s name is... so if she can’t remember that not sure she will remember that we don’t want the toys! But also handy that I doubt she’ll remember which toys she has/hasn’t bought!

I will definitely do as suggested and feign sadness about any of them if they’re enquirer about!

OP posts:
NonaGrey · 16/08/2018 09:04

I’m surprised posters have said that you can’t play with soft toys! My children have always played with theirs, dressing them up, taking them on “adventures”, role play etc.

However that aside, we were given some truly frightening looking dolls by the PIL when the D.C. were babies. They were put aside “for when they are older” and quietly charity shopped a few months later without anyone noticing.

My PILs rarely remember what thry’be bought. They just like buying things.

SoyDora · 16/08/2018 09:07

I’m sure plenty of DC can play with them NonaGrey but mine aren’t into that sort of play it all. DD1(4) is into crafts and reading, she couldn’t care less about soft toys/dolls etc. DD2(3) likes ‘small world’ play but likes Lego and playmobil rather than cuddly toys and dolls.

supercalifragilistic2 · 16/08/2018 09:09

If she likes buying stuff, redirect her passion towards something useful. So. You mentioned outfits and clothes. Maybe mention that your dd has lots of stuffed toys, but if you want to buy her anything why don't you buy something to wear is x size. Or mention that your dd loves bath toys. You can never have to many! And you can get them all fairly cheep if you feel guilty about her spending to much!

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