Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL asking partner to be executor of will but just expecting him to accept it

78 replies

Charlotte716 · 15/08/2018 19:48

So my MIL has asked my partner to sign some papers to say he will be in charge of what happens on her passing.

No asking or discussing just sign this. He is one of three but probably the most responsibile.

So she will have not assets, no house savings but she does have debts, does anyone know what will happen to those and if he will be responsible for them?

I’m really annoyed at he expectation, I understand it’s a morbid subject but there is no discussion at all and the relationship is already strained.

OP posts:
extinctspecies · 15/08/2018 20:24

You need to find out more.

Perhaps she is asking him to have Power of Attorney, rather than be an executor?

As PPS have said, the executor does not sign anything.

Also, you cannot be a witness to a will if you are a beneficiary of it,

Original poster
Charlotte716 · 15/08/2018 20:27

Ok thank you. Yes perhaps it’s more that but she mentioned assets although those will be few personal possessions. The POA is fine. I think the best bet is to have a proper chat, this may sound bad but she probably will struggle to understand herself what she might be asking and understand a legal doc so maybe we can review together. It just depends on what she wants I suppose.

OP posts:
HelpmeobiMN · 15/08/2018 20:27

As executor he won’t be personally responsible for her debts. Her debts will have to be paid out of her estate. If the estate is not sufficient to pay the debts, it doesn’t become the responsibility of the executor to settle them.

That said YANBU to want some time to think and take advice about this. It’s not unusual for children to be the executors or their parents’ wills but it should still be your partner’s choice.

Alarae · 15/08/2018 20:27

She's asking him to be a Power of Attorney. I've seen those forms for one of my clients, and the page to sign is definitely around 5/6.

You need to get the whole document to understand what he is signing. It might be that she is giving him powers of Attorney over financial/health affairs in case she is incapacitated. Does he want that? To have ultimate decision over his mother?

It's a massive responsibility and burden. Don't go into it lightly.

FrayedHem · 15/08/2018 20:29

I don't know if the law is different in England, but my mum's will has my brother and me as executors and she just sent me a copy. She's not actually on speaking terms with my brother (her choice) but didn't want to tell the solicitor(!) so put him down too. I looked into it and we can refuse when the time comes. But she's in Scotland so not sure if it's different elsewhere.

She also thinks she's given me POA but that is something you do have to sign for and I've not had any paperwork. She won't accept that though and thinks it's done.

ExFury · 15/08/2018 20:29

It definitely sounds like POA rather than executor. That’s something he needs to read up on before doing because once you start doing it it’s a legal thing with responsibilities and can be a big job.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 15/08/2018 20:31

She also thinks she's given me POA but that is something you do have to sign for and I've not had any paperwork. She won't accept that though and thinks it's done

Sounds familiar! I have this conversation approximately a billion times a day!

KurriKurri · 15/08/2018 20:31

My DS and my BIL are my executors, they didn't have to sign anything, I just had to give their names and addresses to my solicitor (obviously I asked them if they minded - but I don't think I would have had to ask them)

My Ds and DD have power of attorney - they had to sign in the prescence of a solicitor.

Zarya · 15/08/2018 20:31

If there are several pages, could it be possible she is giving him power of attorney?
I have this for my parents and had to sign some documents.
Basically they give him the power to deal with things on her behalf if she is living but incompacitated.
Very useful to have but might cause family issues if there was money involved (though as you said only debt in this case am sure his siblings won't mind)

Original poster
Charlotte716 · 15/08/2018 20:32

Yes you’re right about POA. My mother has recently gone onto my nanas will with her sister so it’s a joint decision which they did to support each other when that time might come.

He has a sister who I think would find that hard so it’s quite difficult he gets that responsibility on his own. I think his preference if it was a decision like that he could make it with her. It’s just annoying he blasé way it was put but the background is she is very inconsiderate.

OP posts:
QueenoftheNights · 15/08/2018 20:36

If this is Power of Attorney he needs to know.
It's not a HUGE responsibility. I have POA for my parents, one of whom is now dead.
The risk of POA is more for the donor (ie his mum ) that someone who has POA can make decisions on their behalf when they lose capacity.

If this is what needs signing, it also has to be witnessed by someone who is not related to the attorney.

You do not need a solicitor to be there to sign. All the forms are online- you print them off and sign.

OP she is not your MIL if you are not married. This is an important point legally because you could be a witness to signatures as you are not related to her or your partner, legally.

QueenoftheNights · 15/08/2018 20:37

My mother has recently gone onto my nanas will

It's not a WILL it's power of attorney!
Completely different. Do some reading online- it's all there.

PeakPants · 15/08/2018 20:39

He will not be responsible for any debts personally. It's very straightforward and does not carry any risk for him but he can decline of course. He doesn't need legal advice on whether to accept it- it's very common for parents to appoint their children.

His job will be to receive and distribute the estate according to your MIL's will. He must first ensure that any debts owed are paid from any assets there are. So if there is a bank account with a grand in it and £100 electricity bill owing, that has to be paid before the estate is distributed. He must also ensure that any inheritance tax owing is paid by completing a tax return. Once that is sorted, he can pay out the estate according to the will. There is no personal liability. If there is no money, any debts will be wiped.

Up to him but it's really not anything bad. I am doing it for my mum when she dies.

QueenoftheNights · 15/08/2018 20:39

Here POA
www.gov.uk/power-of-attorney

QueenoftheNights · 15/08/2018 20:40

Peak OP has said it's not a will it's POA.

Ginmakesitallok · 15/08/2018 20:42

I'll get poa for my mum when/if she loses capacity. I had to sign and agree to that. It has nothing to do with her will. Wills are for when you're dead, poa is for when you're alive, but can't make decisions for yourself.

QueenoftheNights · 15/08/2018 20:42

I think the best bet is to have a proper chat, this may sound bad but she probably will struggle to understand herself what she might be asking and understand a legal doc so maybe we can review together.

I don't think any of you understand what this is!

You don't seem to know if it's POA or Will.

If it's either , where has she got the forms from?

How old is she now?

PeakPants · 15/08/2018 20:42

Sorry. The OP did ask about debts though, which I have clarified.
The POA doesn't involve any personal liability either and in fact it is the donor who carries the risk (your MIL) that it will be abused.
Not sure why the OP was talking about what happens on death because a POA is during lifetime.

FrayedHem · 15/08/2018 20:43

Sounds familiar! I have this conversation approximately a billion times a day!

I have given up. I do wonder wtf the solicitor has actually done. She's still legally married to my dad but they've been separated 14 years and she doesn't talk to him anymore either. But she won't take a telling!

QueenoftheNights · 15/08/2018 20:45

I don't think the OP knows what it is herself any more.

Also, calling this person her MIL when she refers to her man as her partner, implies they are not married, so she isn't her MIL.

THis is important for reasons I've stated, as POA signatures need a witness who is not a relative.

jasjas1973 · 15/08/2018 20:56

Being an Executor is a PIA and i'd never do it again, a complicated estate involving property, various bank and pensions and a few beneficiaries, takes up loads of time, it is a very serious legal under taking.

Be careful about refusing to do it, if you start down the route of administration eg informing the bank, organising funeral & paying expenses ie Intermeddling, you have to stick to it in most circumstances.
www.thegazette.co.uk/wills-and-probate/content/100321

Missingstreetlife · 15/08/2018 20:58

Obviously, look at it first. Never sign anything you haven't read or don't understand.

Missingstreetlife · 15/08/2018 21:01

It really isn't that difficult if it's a straightforward case.
If you have trusts and businesses to wind up you will need a solicitor, but you can still be the executor

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 15/08/2018 21:05

If it’s insolvent then it’s a lot harder and you get nothing at the end, so handing over to a creditor isn’t a bad idea

PlatypusPie · 15/08/2018 21:13

I have had both Power of Attorney for my mother and was Executor for both parents . For the POA it is a requirement that the prospective Attorney reads, understands and agrees with their responsibilities before signing - it shouldn’t be a blind signing. Your position as Attorney finishes as the point of death ( though there is an advantage to having the same person as Attorney then Executor as, if thePOA has been used, the Attorney may have familiarity with the full financial position of the estate. )

My mother’s will named myself and an ex-neighbour as Executors - The ex-neighbour barely remembered agreeing to the 20 year old will and I did not need or want her to be , so she filled in the relevant form to remove herself.

An Executor does not need to sign anything to agree to be one but it is obviously a good idea to ensure than a prospective one will be willing to do so and has knowledge of it and where the original will is held - maybe this is what your DP is being asked to sign, an acknowledgment that he knows and accept he is being named ?

An Executor does not have to pay any debts out of their own pockets but has to ensure that any debts are paid out of any assets of the deceased before any bequests can be paid, including any bequests to themselves which is why sometimes people mistakenly think they have had to pay the debts from their inheritance - inheritance can only be paid from the residue of the estate after debts etc are settled. If there are no or inadequate assets, the Executor has to inform any creditors and, in some cases, an Insolvency Order may be granted - if the debts are more than trivial and the creditors wish to pursue, then it gets more complicated.