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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Straw poll: is this bad?

43 replies

Ohsaycanusee · 15/08/2018 19:15

Group of 7 at work, used to be close. I’m probably least close to the group but just because i don’t spend that much time with them, definitely haven’t done anything to offend any of them.

It transpired that three met for a girls brunch on the weekend, and posted on social media about it. We used to do a lot of things as a group and I know the other four (myself included) are upset and a bit offended. It seems needlessly cliquey and I think the way it was handled it (ie posting about it) was a bit off...

Aibu? One of the girls messaged me to apologise, to which I’ve said apology not needed and they are free to be friends with who they would like ofc but that I’m not sure I agree with how it was handled. The others excluded are taking it personally...

What to do?

OP posts:

Clairetree1 · 15/08/2018 19:17

total non issue - they are free to have lunch when where and with whom they want. Nothing to do with you

Original poster

Ohsaycanusee · 15/08/2018 19:17

I feel it’s very odd and needlessly dramatic. Not least because everyone is in their mid to late 20s working in a professional job, and behaving like school kids

It has caused a massive divide in the group to the point where people are not saying hi/not talking! I can’t be bothered with the drama!

To make it worse the girl who apologised is apparently taking the hit for the real organiser of the event as she doesn’t want to be a snitch...

OP posts:

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 15/08/2018 19:18

I’d keep out of it, smile, nod, be pleasant to everyone. Life is too short for such ridiculous dramas.

Yoksha · 15/08/2018 19:19

Me? I'd stay out of it. Sounds like a mine field. 'Onwards McDuff'....

Just keep on with your reply to the apology. Healthier.

HoleyCoMoley · 15/08/2018 19:19

It's just work, is it really that important. Why don't the other 4 of you go out together for lunch, seriously it really isn't that important even though it can feel hurtful especially if people are feeling left out but try not to worry about it. Don't do anything, don't mention it, don't make an issue out of nothing.

MVLipwig · 15/08/2018 19:20

You’d maybe have a point if 6 of them had went without you and pointedly told you about it without an invite, but you’re being ridiculous. Larger groups always have people who are closer and those who are less close

SoyDora · 15/08/2018 19:20

Complete non issue. If people are making a drama out of not being invited then I’d politely suggest they need to grow up a bit.
I am in a very close group of 6 friends. Often we do things together, sometimes we do things in groups of 2/3/4 or whatever. It’s normal.

Original poster

Ohsaycanusee · 15/08/2018 19:20

I have left it at my message, got no reply back which is fine. So to recap I just said, no apology needed and people can do what they like, just that confusion arose from how situation was handled. Have left it there. Don’t understand why causing so kid drama

OP posts:

Original poster

Ohsaycanusee · 15/08/2018 19:21

So much drama that should say

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HoleyCoMoley · 15/08/2018 19:30

I wouldn't even mention it again and if something this petty is dividing the workplace then goodness knows what will happen if something serious ever needs resolving.

MajesticWhine · 15/08/2018 19:35

No further action needed. I think you said the right thing. It will blow over hopefully.

PinkHeart5914 · 15/08/2018 19:35

They can go for brunch in their free time with whoever they like.

In a group of 7 of course some are going to get on better than others

I think the ones offended just need to grow up tbh!

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 15/08/2018 19:39

What’s the drama? I don’t get it.

Of course people can meet up at the weekend, and we all know people who can’t sneeze without putting it on social media.

What’s the issue?

Jeippinghmip · 15/08/2018 19:39

I'm beyond astonished by this thread. Friends are free to meet each other, anyone feeling excluded needs a reality check.

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 15/08/2018 19:40

taking the hit for the real organiser of the event as she doesn’t want to be a snitch

WTH? A snitch because someone arrange a brunch?

ReservoirDogs · 15/08/2018 19:47

So what happened that they found out you the other 4 were pissed off.

They went out together and posted online.

Why would they then message an apology unless you someone made a snide remark or kicked off?

Even in big groups you are not obliged to have to invite everyone to everything. No wonder they went as a 3!

thecatsthecats · 15/08/2018 19:49

If one of my reports brought this kind of petty bullshit to me I would be unimpressed and let it show.

Hell, a woman just quit, and has seriously got the hump that we aren't all sitting around crying that she won't be there anymore.

Some people just don't grasp that work is just work to most people.

TrippingTheVelvet · 15/08/2018 19:51

Why the need to say they didn't handle it well? That sounds needlessly passive aggressive. How do you think they should have handled it? Let people know in advance that they're going out without the rest of you all beforehand?

ThatFridayFeeling · 15/08/2018 19:51

As far as I can tell, you're the one that's made it into a drama. You've posted in MN and making out like EVERYONE else has made it into issue. I don't understand how a group of grown women can behave like teenagers in the work place over brunch - it sounds pretty pathetic

garethsouthgatesmrs · 15/08/2018 19:51

What do you mean by, "how they handled it"? is it just the posting on social media that you object to?

I agree with others, in a group of 7 there will be smaller groups and pairings that form. If all 6 went out and didn't invite just you that would be different but there were more people left out than included in this scenario.

DannyWallace · 15/08/2018 19:53

Things like this really wind me up!
Sometimes you just click with people at work more than others. You might all get on, and all go on work nights out, but sometimes there's two or three that become close friends.
So long as it's not just one person being left out it's a completely non event!

adaline · 15/08/2018 20:04

What drama? You caused drama by having an issue with it - people can hang out with whoever they want!

JustHereForThePooStories · 15/08/2018 20:07

If you’re normally this dramatic, I can see why they didn’t invite you, to be honest.

Original poster

Ohsaycanusee · 15/08/2018 21:46

Ha no I’m really not offended! I didn’t care! Just those that I have spent time with have been giving it airtime - I completely agree that those who want to stuff should be allowed to!

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Original poster

Ohsaycanusee · 15/08/2018 21:47

Only point was that why post about it on social media etc - but perhaps that is fine too! Who knows, point taken, all very petty, happyto bow out! Just not my own style I guess. I would invite everyone or if not would not advertise on social media - but agree with everyone

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