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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Straw poll: is this bad?

43 replies

Ohsaycanusee · 15/08/2018 19:15

Group of 7 at work, used to be close. I’m probably least close to the group but just because i don’t spend that much time with them, definitely haven’t done anything to offend any of them.

It transpired that three met for a girls brunch on the weekend, and posted on social media about it. We used to do a lot of things as a group and I know the other four (myself included) are upset and a bit offended. It seems needlessly cliquey and I think the way it was handled it (ie posting about it) was a bit off...

Aibu? One of the girls messaged me to apologise, to which I’ve said apology not needed and they are free to be friends with who they would like ofc but that I’m not sure I agree with how it was handled. The others excluded are taking it personally...

What to do?

OP posts:

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 15/08/2018 21:49

Putting an outing on social media is totally normal for some people. Personally I’d probably have been more offended if it was all secretive.

Oldraver · 15/08/2018 21:50

Not least because everyone is in their mid to late 20s working in a professional job, and behaving like school kids

Who is behaving like school kids ?. Three friends from work are entitled to meet and shouldn't have to keep it a secret

Namechangeforthiscancershit · 15/08/2018 21:50

If you don’t care, why did you say I know the other four (myself included) are upset and a bit offended ?

You can see why we got the wrong end of the stick!

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/08/2018 21:58

How is there time to get any work done?

Snog · 15/08/2018 22:03

I would find this a complete non issue.

Glumglowworm · 15/08/2018 22:17

Three out of seven people doing something is fine. If it was six with one excluded then you might have a point.

You’re all supposed to be adults! You can’t spend your adult life doing everything in a group of seven!

SoyDora · 16/08/2018 06:32

I guess they posted about it on social media because it’s a non issue... they don’t have to go underground in order to not offend oeople as most people wouldn’t be offended!

LostInShoebiz · 16/08/2018 07:12

Why shouldn’t they post it on social media since they’ve done nothing wrong and have behaved perfectly normally?

Total non-issue.

HesterMacaulay · 16/08/2018 07:30

Your OP is quite clear. You do have a problem with the 3 people socialising. I can not see the issue or why any of the 3 should be made to feel that they should apologise.

I have made some life long friends through work. Should I not have formed those relationships? - and been barred from socialising specifically with those people?

Your post reads like an adult version of kids birthday parties threads.

Returnofthesmileybar · 16/08/2018 07:36

It seems to me like if they didn't post it on social media then people would call them sneaky and have an issue anyway, I really don't think they can win. Neither the brunch or the social media is an issue, or at least it shouldn't be!

ImAIdoot · 16/08/2018 07:49

This doesn't male any sense.

It sounds like people getting upset over something that isn't upsetting, people saying sorry for something that isn't wrong, someone taking the hit for something that isn't bad, and so on.

I'd hate this in the workplace, it reminds me of the (endless) drama of DD's friend groups in primary school.

SoyDora · 16/08/2018 08:15

If they would normally post outings on social media but made the decision not to post this one, it would imply they have something to hide. And they don’t.

RiverTam · 16/08/2018 08:17

Maybe they’re fed up of always having to do things as a 7? It’s a lot of effort to get 7 people to commit to something.

But seriously, you’re adults in work, not teenagers at school.

MyOtherProfile · 16/08/2018 08:36

I know the other four (myself included) are upset and a bit offended
Sounds like you were offended.

I notice you said the 7 used to do things together. Has this stopped? If so maybe those three just thought nothing of it going out as a three since the seven don't go out any more. They probably would have thought everyone was busy with their own social lives, if they thought about it at all.

thecatsthecats · 16/08/2018 08:51

River - great point. Drives me batty trying to even get groups of FOUR together. I always make the point that if we just got together freely in smaller groups rather than waiting for everyone to become free, we'd all see each other more regularly, rather than waiting for a mythical day free on the calendar (that someone will probably drop out of last minute anyway).

Bluntness100 · 16/08/2018 08:55

This is school girl crazy level.

If they want to go for brunch and post about it they can. It's not "needlessly cliquey" of "a bit off" if anyone is "upset and a bit offended" they really need to grow up,

Seriously, what are you all 12?

5cats · 16/08/2018 09:27

If you're not that bothered, why say you were upset and why are you getting an apology by text? That's strange.
Also you saying they can be friends with who they want but should have handled the situation differently makes me think you are the one with the biggest problem and is sulking. Total non issue and you sound as though you should be in the playground not adults in a working environment

Saracen · 16/08/2018 09:29

YABU. If three people out of seven get together, it isn't "excluding" anyone. It's just a small group brunch. If six out of seven get together without inviting the seventh, then that looks more like excluding somebody and an explanation might be in order.

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