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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To worry about my high school age kids wanting to do f*ck all in holidays

29 replies

Wimbledonwomble · 15/08/2018 18:57

Well, not quite f all .....

We were away for the 1st 2 weeks then DC1 has literally spent the last 2.5 weeks on the sofa playing x box/watching YouTube, has no plans and doesn't want to make any. However, he is very introverted, has few friends so I don't push him out of his comfort zone.

DC2 is much more outgoing and has a lot of friends but, apart from a birthday outing with some of them and another planned in a couple if weeks, she doesn't seem interested either. I gather there have been a few whatsapp chats about meeting up but she's either ignored them or claimed she's busy. This is the first year I've comfortably been able to leave them both home alone while I work and she seems to be relishing the opportunity to doss in her room! I've asked if she's bored or lonely and she's assured me she's happy doing nothing! She is booked into a holiday club next week but she'd sooner not go I suspect!

We have planned at least one outing a week on the days I don't work so they are doing SOMETHING just nothing with friends.

Is this normal? Should I stop feeling guilty? In the past I'd plan lots of stuff for them - outings with me or holiday clubs when working but they have mostly outgrown all that and don't require childcare, so .....

OP posts:

MuddlingMackem · 15/08/2018 19:00

YABVU. Man, I miss those long summer holidays when I could just hole up in my room and read for weeks on end. Let them enjoy the 2018 equivalent. :)

Mine are being a bit more sociable than yours, but not by a whole heck of a lot.

Clairetree1 · 15/08/2018 19:02

its ok up to a point, but you say you have already been away on a family holiday for two weeks, that's not f*ck all!

one more week of activity from each of them, and they have been active more than half the summer - and relaxed for the other half!

maybe make them suggestions? trip to a book shop with a budget? online course? is there somewhere they would like to go? a favorite sport to play or watch?

sometimes I just gave mine a day out each, that they were in charge of, they decided what we where doing and where we were going - mostly ended up in football stadiums I seem to remember....

EndoplasmicReticulum · 15/08/2018 19:04

Mine have done f all today. They have done some things over the holidays, but also a lot of sitting around playing computer games. When I was their age I'd have happily done the same.

BitchQueen90 · 15/08/2018 19:39

YABU, typical teen behaviour really.

Buglife · 15/08/2018 19:45

When else in your life can you do fuck all. When they are older teens they’ll probably have some shit summer job and also at uni they’ll work over the holidays then it’s full time job until you retire probably. Also as someone with 2 small children who is just starting to realise with horror how much holiday planning I will have to do to keep them occupied and how much of their social lives I have to facilitate before hey are old enough to just see their friends alone... I dream of the day I get to just piss off and leave them to lie around alone all day. Also do you not remember the intense lethargy of teenage years?! I felt tired ALL THE TIME. Let them rest, they are just about to embark on GCSE’s etc and the most stressful years of teenagerdom!

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 15/08/2018 19:46

Asked my teens for opinions, got ‘meh’

Claw001 · 15/08/2018 19:48

Yabu my ds does nothing! He is happy doing nothing!

Worieddd · 15/08/2018 19:49

YABU leave them alone

Tumbleweed101 · 15/08/2018 19:50

I think we give them so much to do all year they need down time doing nothing. If they are happy I think it’s fine.

ChortleFace88 · 15/08/2018 19:50

As an introvert I found school very overwhelming. I loved to use the holidays as time to just shut myself away, relax, read books and watch films. It was a great time! Wish I could take 6 weeks off every year to do this as an adult...

ChortleFace88 · 15/08/2018 19:51

Plus I don’t understand this modern phenomenon of ensuring kids are busy 24/7. IMO it’s not good for them. We all need down time.

butterflysugarbaby · 15/08/2018 19:52

Yeah YABU. They can do what they want. Why shouldn't they enjoy themselves whilst they're young? You're a child/teen for a LOT less time than you're an adult. Let them enjoy their young lives!

irregularegular · 15/08/2018 19:59

I think you need to find a balance. If you are satisfied that this makes them happy then leave them to it. But I think my kids are happier if they get out and do stuff at least some of the time. But they sometimes need a bit of a push to make them do it. My 16 year old daughter doesn't really need it any more, but my 14 year old son still benefits from having the PS rationed and being strongly encouraged to make arrangements with friends. It is easier for him to play Fortnite, so he will if just left, but I don't think it is best for his mood.

LagunaBubbles · 15/08/2018 20:04

Why do you think they should be "doing" stuff all the time? I don't understand parents who feel this and feel responsible for organising their teenagers free time.

IncrediblySturdyPyjamas · 15/08/2018 20:06

Seriously...just let them chill out.

It goes too fast as it is. Kids need to just do nothing every once in a while.

IncrediblySturdyPyjamas · 15/08/2018 20:07

I remember this

'what are you doing sat around, go do something'

'i am doing something, I am existing.'

BrieAndChilli · 15/08/2018 20:09

When I was early teens, me and my sister would spend all morning watching tv (saved by the bell and similar) we would then quickly do the chores we had been left to do and then would probably go out for an hour to see friends, or just read.

Ooforfoxsakeridesagain · 15/08/2018 20:11

Leaving my teens to their own devices now. They seem to be living in a different time zone to me anyhow.

We did everything in the primary school years.
I really miss packing up a picnic and heading out for the day. I might be able to persuade them to indulge me as a one off...!

Original poster

Wimbledonwomble · 15/08/2018 20:15

Thank you. I seem to have a short memory. When I was a teen there wasn't the wealth of activities available today and I used to love hours alone in my room with my record player! I had a friend who always wanted to "hang out" and was forever knocking the door or ringing on the home phone (much harder to ignore than Whatsapp). I remember wishing she's piss off My sister on the other hand was always hanging out and I was perceived by my parents as the odd one so maybe this is where my worry stems from! I did see some of DDs friends hanging around the high street earlier but DD only seems to want to meet them if they're doing an actual activity such as swimming.

OP posts:

Zoflorabore · 15/08/2018 20:24

I was thinking about this a few days ago!

I have a 15yr old ds and a 7yr old dd.

It's bloody hard trying to plan any days out that they both enjoy and they are like chalk and cheese.

Ds said to me that this has been the best summer holidays. He started with a week abroad with his dad, step mum and little brother and we went to Wales for a few days whilst he was away.

I had all kinds of things planned, it's all gone out of the window and apart from fridays which I insist we do something ( up to now done trampoline parks and swimming ) we have just gone with the flow.

Da has been to Blackpool/Alton towers with his friends and goes to the gym every day, other than that it's going to play football, watch football and play Fortnite.

Dd has been a joy and has loved doing really simple things like swimming/cinema/shopping ( for her ) and crafts.

I may eat my words but think that teens need a good old rest, ds has done a few GCSE's this year plus mocks for next year and is loving having some freedom.

Whilst our summer hasn't been cheap it has been the least stressed one that I can remember

PookieDo · 15/08/2018 20:29

Mine are doing F all and they absolutely love every moment

Aintnothingbutaheartache · 15/08/2018 20:33

Teens need space and freedom. They (some) are working their doodahs off for GCSE’S let them breeeeeeaaaaaathe

ManyCrisps · 15/08/2018 20:59

YABU let them do fuck all and YABU for censoring yourself.

irregularegular · 16/08/2018 09:03

Thinking about this a bit more. It doesn't just apply to teenage kids (though I do think the younger they are the less able they are to judge for themselves and the more responsibility you have). if my partner/sister/parent/best friend was doing F-all sitting on the sofa playing video games all day and night for weeks at a time I'd be encouraging them to do other stuff too. I don't think it is the path to happiness for anyone!

irregularegular · 16/08/2018 09:04

And I'd want someone to do the same for me!

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