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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DP cancelling our plans - again!

32 replies

PoesyCherish · 15/08/2018 14:13

My friend is coming to stay on Sunday from Australia and I'm dropping her back to the airport very early on Saturday morning. Her and DP have never met as last time I saw her many years ago, we weren't together. I was really looking forward to them meeting. We had made plans to go out together on Thursday too.

DP said this morning he now has to go on a last minute business trip to Germany flying out on Sunday (before I pick my friend up) and flying back on Thursday. He has got two options, one flight gets back early Thursday morning and the other gets back late Thursday evening. If he took the 2nd option it means he would only see my friend on Friday. Regardless of which one he takes, it means our plans on Thursday are now just going to be my friend and I as the tickets are non amendable.

DP wants to take the second flight as he doesn't want to be getting up early on Thursday morning. This is about the 5th time we've made various plans and they've had to be cancelled or changed for various different business trips.

AIBU to be upset about him going away on the business trip and not sticking to our plans? I feel what is the point of us ever making plans if we have no idea if they'll be stuck to??

AIBU to want him to get the earlier flight so he can meet my friend on Thursday instead of just the Friday?

OP posts:
Singlebutmarried · 15/08/2018 14:18

Our plans are constantly cancelled/rearranged because of the work DH does. You’ll still have Friday (and a less tired/grumpy DP) together.

MereDintofPandiculation · 15/08/2018 14:20

Well he's hardly going to be in good shape to meet your friend after an early morning flight is he? He's probably picked up how important this to you, and is understandably nervous, so has taken the sensible decision for a short meeting this time (which can be followed up with a longer meeting later if he and your friend get on).

Gettingbackonmyfeet · 15/08/2018 14:22

Erm no I'm sorry but yabu unreasonable here.. it's not like he's jetting off on a lads holiday , he's working which by far takes precedence over plans with your friend and he is still back for Friday

I really think you aren't reasonable here

RedPill · 15/08/2018 14:26

He's working....

Plus it means your friend will get all you energy and attention. Sounds fab to me!

Original poster
PoesyCherish · 15/08/2018 14:34

MereDintofPandiculation no he didn't choose to have a short meeting, it's what the company said. Had they have asked him to stay for the full week he would have done that too.

@Gettingbackonmyfeet is it really unreasonable to expect his annual leave to be upheld?? He had originally booked the Thursday off. But then knowing him he probably didn't get around to booking it as he hardly ever bloody does... and then wonders why they book him in for meetings over that time!

OP posts:
rookiemere · 15/08/2018 14:41

YABABU
He probably doesn't have the same burning desire to meet your friend. If you haven't seen her for some time surely it would be nicer for the two of you to be together.

user139328237 · 15/08/2018 14:43

YABU
These trips are part of his job. If you don't want his work trips affecting your plans you'll need to discuss him moving jobs as a family which is likely to require him taking a pay cut.

serbska · 15/08/2018 14:51

You are being super U!

It is your friend, not his anyway! Why don't you want to hang with her on your own?

Bet your friend doesn't want to spend all week with your DP either... third wheel or what?!?!

Bananarama12 · 15/08/2018 14:54

I'd be excited for a week alone with my friend. Bit weird her having to spend a week with you and your DP when she doesn't know him.

whatwouldyoubelikeat28 · 15/08/2018 14:56

I dunno, if I had a best friend coming all the way from the UK (I'm in Australia) and it was important to me that they met my partner, and my partner had a habit of always downgrading our time together, if he knew this was important to me and failed to prioritise it at all... I would be having a conversation about how work is all very well and good but it isn't a life. Australia is a long way to come.

lindyhopy · 15/08/2018 14:57

YABU it's work and it's your friend not his. I bet your friend will be relieved to just spend time with you.

LeftRightCentre · 15/08/2018 14:59

YABU. He has to work. You can meet your friend without your partner. Personally, I'd rather just see my friend on her own.

Trinity66 · 15/08/2018 15:01

Yeah agree YABU tbh, I mean he will still get to meet your friend on the Friday and she's not his friend so what difference does it make anyway?

SomeKnobend · 15/08/2018 15:07

YABU. It's work, not a jolly. He'll be tired and probably couldn't give a toss about meeting your friend - especially if he is going to meet them on Friday regardless. No way I'd be getting up really early and arranging my business abroad so I could meet someone I had little interest in a day early!

MudCity · 15/08/2018 15:08

YANBU to be a bit disappointed but this is a great opportunity for you to spend quality time with your friend. Your DH is working, not having a jolly so, to be honest, I would accept it and enjoy your friend’s visit.

If it is any consolation my DH’s work commitments are probably going to mess up an event we have booked. I’m a bit disappointed but it isn’t the end of the world as I will take a friend instead. If it was messing up a holiday we had booked I would be cross (understatement) but as a single event it’s ok!

Mosaic123 · 15/08/2018 15:09

It's not ideal but at least it's not you that's going to be away on business, and it's not his fault.

Isawthelight · 15/08/2018 15:14

YABU, your friend would rather spend more time with just you anyway I would imagine. When I meet up with old friends, we have a much better time without partners there - maybe that's just our group though.

Shoxfordian · 15/08/2018 15:15

Yabu, it's work
He'll still meet her and you can catch up just the two of you on Thursday.

Original poster
PoesyCherish · 15/08/2018 15:18

I do want to spend time with my friend alone, of course I do. And I get what you're all saying about her not wanting to be a third wheel. I think I'm just disappointed we'd planned and booked something for the Thursday which he too was super excited about and now he can't come.

@MudCity sorry to hear your plans are being changed too due to work. I would have been pissed off, not just a little disappointed, if he had changed our holiday - which almost happened last year! Thankfully he saw sense on that one and was able to send one of his staff on the trip instead.

OP posts:
Hidillyho · 15/08/2018 15:25

TBH if my friend was coming all that way I would appreciate the time away from DP so I could spend it with her. My best friend from Brazil came over to the UK to see me and DP didn’t meet her.

I think the poster who referred to a short meeting was saying about a short meeting of your friend rather than work. Could be wrong though 🤷‍♀️

SeaCabbage · 15/08/2018 15:37

It's a shame he is missing the event on the Thursday night but it sounds like he will see your friend all day Friday is that right? He probably feels that is enough and most people would probably agree.

I do get though that it is very unsettling not to ever have faith that plans made will actually come to fruition.

JessicaJonesJacket · 15/08/2018 15:43

As PPs have said, YABU. He's working. I wouldn't opt for an early flight so I could spend an extra day with someone I didn't know.
However, if he has a pattern of cancelling arrangements with you whilst ensuring he keeps arrangements with other people then YANBU.

Weepingwillows12 · 15/08/2018 15:46

How much control does he have over travel plans? I have to travel lots but can organise my own schedule within reason. Does he do this alot? I would get frustrated if work always took precedence. If he has had to cancel annual leave then he must have agreed to it with this short notice. Do you think its a genuine work emergency or he could have stick with his time off but chose not to?

Coyoacan · 15/08/2018 16:01

Work can be shit like this.

Original poster
PoesyCherish · 15/08/2018 16:22

@Weepingwillows12 not sure how much control he does have to be honest but this isn't the first time we've planned something and had to cancel.

If anything were to fall on the time he has DSD he would tell them he couldn't do it then and all would be fine. And I totally respect that. But what I dislike is if it's anything to do with what we've planned together he has no problems bailing on me.

OP posts: